r/dating_advice • u/AtomicKitten771 • 1d ago
should i ask what the hell is going on
so i (16m) i have been talking to a girl (17f) for about 6 months, casually flirting a lot, and in the last few months heavily hinting about getting together. i think after a while when i didn’t ask her out she lost a bit of interest but then i picked it up again and last night we basically said we were going get together and go dating/and or hook up idk. and now today she’s acting like none of that happened and leaving me on delivered for a 30 minutes to an hour while also being online in those gaps and i’m just kinda confused what she wants. i’m definitely getting played rn but idk if i should tell/ask her why or just fucking jump ship and run. i have a suspicion she uses this guise of “i’m so lonely” to hook up with people and then actually has a few other guys in her logs. on the other hand we do connect rly well (could be fake) and she’s open to me about a lot of things, which i thought meant i was friendzoned for a while until she said we should link.
so idk i’m just confused af about what this girl wants from me and i strongly believe i should just dip even though this girl is probably my favourite person atm. sums it up pretty well i think.
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u/bonvoysal 1d ago
Left unread? You're 16? Hate to break it to you, but almost 3 times your age and many women do this. I've spoke to females about this and many will tell me, "I just don't want to seem desperate", but as many have also said, "we like to be chased." So get used to coping to being left "unread." With that said....
" and now today she’s acting like none of that happened and leaving me on delivered for a 30 minutes "
What do you mean she is acting like none of that happened? Did you say, "are we still on for our date" and then she said, "what date?"
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u/AtomicKitten771 1d ago
we had a conversation all last night and she lead me down a, very obvious, planned out script so i could ask her to get together.
and she’s online sometimes and hust doesnt reply back, and i just need clarification that i’m getting played lol.
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u/bonvoysal 1d ago
:)
So she had a script that led you to ask her out, but my question is, since then, have you brought it up again---the date that is? It is really difficult to say you're getting played if not all the details are being presented.
You also mentioned she is on a family trip. She might be online, but does she have access to freely text/chat?
But being played... as you get more experience interacting and dating women, you will learn that many love assertiveness. I would say this is not a matter of getting played but a matter of not communicating well, which is very normal at your age. I think at the moment, too many unknowns to really say, you're getting played.
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u/AtomicKitten771 1d ago edited 1d ago
nah i haven’t mentioned anything yet.
i think so, it’s a road trip and i can see when her score goes up when she texts other people. but then again she’s never been to good a responding back
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u/bonvoysal 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm on the side of the fence where I'm straight up and i don't play around with women. If that was me, and assuming you picked a time and location for the date, my next message would be, "hey, hope you're having a good time in your family trip. I'm looking forward to our date/hanging out (whatever you called it) on xyz date. What time should i pick you up? Can't wait to see you."
Now, the "what time should I pick you up" is to make them respond. Back in my younger days, women would tell me, "i never heard back from you so i figured we were not on." With that question they have a direct question that they need to address and if they respond and they don't answer the question, then you can start thinking about getting played. That's just one way to handle the situation. Saves you a lot of wasted time wondering "what if, what happened, is the date still on..." etc.
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u/noplaceinmind 1d ago
Youve been trying to get the reward without the risk this entire time. That's not how romance works.
Show your cards, ask her on a date, and then you'll have all your questions answered.
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u/AtomicKitten771 1d ago
yeah i’ve been taking no risks for a few months cause i thought i was friendzoned and had no shot but then she said we should go out cause “we’re both lonely and freaky” in a joking way on video call. <- i’m not dumb and i feel like she probably just lost a chance with another guy and moving on down to me or something, bit if speculation there lmao. i was pretty chill just being a friend
she out on a family trip atm, so should i try and ask her to meet up after she’s back to see how she reacts or wait till she’s back and ask to ho out.
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u/ThatCJGuy431 1d ago
Give it a little more time. I may have missed, but how long has the "left on delivered" thing been going on? A day? People get busy, and unfortunately in today's age, oftentimes conversations that were occurring before one got busy are left on delivered or read. As in, today's age seems more prone to the "flashy" or "new" attention-grabbing thing, and that's not necessarily always a bad thing, so it could just be she legitimately got busy. If that's the case, if she truly got busy, and if you're able to form habits now of 'wait it out' or 'don't jump down her throat or ditch her' after a day of less communication, it will mean a lot to her down the line if yall are both serious about being together, etc. I know it doesn't seem like an immediate payoff, but fwiw, it's worth the patience. Either it builds the relationship, or you definitively learn she's playing you during the time you were patient for.
That's not to say wait for her to make the next move. Shoot her something that lets her know you were thinking about her, if you need to you can Google cool ways or uncommon ways or honestly just about anything. Don't be overbearing, texting 7 or 8 times before she replies, but I think one or two a day, up to 4 messages, would give me a pretty good idea she's playing me, etc. In this day and age, who doesn't have their phone in their hand long enough during a 2-3 day span to text me and say, "hey, I'm sorry, I'm not ignoring you, I have a <family situation/work/other plausible thing> and I've been really busy. I still want to chat and will when I'm able to" or something along those lines?
Hope any of this helps!
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u/AtomicKitten771 1d ago
she’s gone a road trip today, which i left out for some reason. and to clarify it shows up if she’s been online the messaging app and today most of the time she’s been online while i have sent a message. which is why i think i’m getting led on by a string and played
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u/AtomicKitten771 1d ago
and being left on delivered has been going on for a few months now which didn’t bother me to much until last night cause it confirms to me i’m getting played.
and just not sure if i should ask her what’s she wants or just dip and not talk to her anymore
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u/ThatCJGuy431 1d ago
To me, if I'm busy and legitimately can't get in touch with someone for a while, and they left because of that, I'd be a little salty, especially if the other side(OP in this example) didn't let me(the 17y.o.f. from OP) know the delivered thing bothered him, then the leaving seems sudden, unexpected, I didn't know it bothered you to that extent so that's why I haven't tried to change it, etc.
On the other hand. If she knows it bugs you, and still routinely does it, and then apologizes, and then does it again, that might be leading on, etc.
On the patience, if she ever decides she wants a solid guy, willing to work with her instead of leave at the first sign of trouble, etc, you would have built that habit and rapport with her, and it could turn beneficial or into a relationship down the road. I would tend to caution against leaving because sometimes solid friendships are hard to find, and this sounds like it at least has the groundwork to become that. But there's too much we don't, and could never know, about this to come to a consensus. It's unfortunate that you're unsure about where to go with this, but it's part of learning. Just don't say you're done, cut her off, and then go crawling back the instant she says she's lonely. That will give the idea that you're desperate for her attention and would stick around no matter how little she brings to it. You'd forever be a backup at that point.
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u/AtomicKitten771 1d ago
yeah i don’t think worded it to well in the original post. she isn’t great at replying, especially in the last few months. but then she flipped the script last night and now we have something again? rly confusing
but yeah i do rly like to talk to her, cause she’s proBbly the first person i’ve connected well with since my last girlfriend, and made this post cause i guess i rly don’t want to just drop her like that, even if i strongly believe she’s leading me on
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u/ThatCJGuy431 1d ago
It's possible that she is. And at the same time, she may not even be sure of what she wants. Isn't life great?
But in all seriousness, growing up is also about learning from your choices. The sooner you can grasp and acknowledge and employ that, I feel like the better off your decisions are going to become. Sure, you might decide to wait and 6, 8, 10 months from now, you learn she's been playing you the whole time. Okay. Lesson learned. Know what to do/not to do last time.
You got this OP. BOL!
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u/AtomicKitten771 1d ago
aright we’ll see what happens i love life lessons fr. hopefully it doesn’t make me low-key depressed like the last one
had lol. thanks hahaside thought - is the least risky thing i can do is ask her what she wants from me and go from there ?
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u/ThatCJGuy431 1d ago
That wouldn't be a bad idea. Obviously phrasing is important, unless you want to come across as abrasive, rude, confrontational, etc, 'hey, we haven't been chatting as much lately. I enjoy chatting with you, but I also understand we're both busy with other stuff. Can we have a chat and make sure we're both on the same page with this and our expectations and desires?' Will go a long way.
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