r/behindthebastards • u/madtheoracle • 1d ago
General discussion I think I can legally say Behind the Bastards saved my life on Christmas
So, I decided against the betterment of my mental health to drive from northern Vermont to the dead of Atlanta for the holiday, to see my Trumper Dad and his new wife. My partner was a bit under the weather at the time and urged me to go solo, no big deal.
So Christmas Eve rolls around. I haven't heard from my partner in a bit. It's like mid-afternoon and I get a text that he's going to the ER because he has had vertigo that won't stop for 24 hours.
I immediately started packing while my dad goes ape shit that I'm ruining the holidays. My partner calls to tell me they found lesions in his brain. I can barely stand up and keep sobbing.
So I said fuck this, I'm coming home right now. I'm driving 22 hours on goddamn Christmas and I'm making sure you're not alone. His dad died to brain cancer after losing all of himself, I could feel my partner's terror explaining it.
I'd never done anything like this. I was sobbing for most of the drive until I finally did what he told me to do: put on a behind the bastards to make the drive go by.
It didn't do just that. I could focus on it and stop fucking sobbing. I could laugh and keep focused on the road the entire time without breaking down. So I didn't stop, I accidentally drove til my gas light was on twice listening to P Diddy episodes.
This legitimately is the only reason I stayed awake and made it to see him yesterday.
So as stupid as it sounds, thank you for saving Christmas, bastards.
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u/Capgras_DL 1d ago
How is your partner doing now? Sending you both good vibes and healing wishes.
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u/madtheoracle 1d ago
He's an insanely strong rock and in a joking attitude with the doctors. I can tell they love him and he's been making everyone laugh.
It's most likely MS so it's a hell of a future for us but honestly it beats being stuck in the south and worried sick about him.
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u/Craigglesofdoom 1d ago
Fortunately, MS is so much more treatable than even 10 years ago. I have a couple friends with MS and you'd never know it. I recommend living in states that have strong public health protections, like most of New England. One of my friends moved from TX to MA after their diagnosis, on the direct advice of medical professionals.
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u/TyrannyCereal 1d ago
Gonna second this. I have chronic health issues, and given the current state of gestures vaguely I'm limiting where I can live to states that are firmly blue and have strong protections. I think Vermont is pretty okay, but I know NY and MA are both good choices. My inlaws are sad that we won't move to anywhere near them, but they keep voting for me to die and I can't find a violin small enough.
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u/Craigglesofdoom 1d ago
Lol right. Why won't you move home to the Bible belt? Btw if you have a miscarriage we will give you the death penalty.
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u/TyrannyCereal 1d ago
Right? This stuff is absolutely stopping us from having kids because shit happens, if a pregnancy goes awry in the world they're voting for you might as well die.
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u/JattestorAppreciator 1d ago
I want to +1 this as as well. I got diagnosed two years ago, and it was like a fever dream.
The medication is incredible. Iāve had no symptoms or growth in lesions since I went on it. Iām healthier than I was when I got diagnosed. I hope your partner does OK.
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u/IndomitableAnyBeth 10h ago
There's another entirely physical reason that would make Maryland more easily livable to someone with MS than Texas. MS involves damage to myelin, the fatty insulation on the axons (intra-nerve "wires) of nerves in the CNS. Electronics tend to work best when kept pretty cool, especially if maybe not all's best. Brains, too. About 80% of people with MS will have a transitory increase in symptoms if they get too hot. Back before MRIs were commonly available, MS was largely diagnosed by sticking suspected cases in hot tubs a while and seeing what happened.
Should it become a liberal, nay, leftist bastion, the humid heat of much of Texas would still be non-ideal to folk with MS. Even the dry hot bits require thought and air-conditioning for many MSers to do a thing like, ya know, living in the summer.
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u/NewsyNonsense 1d ago
My husband has MS. Itās not fun but it is very treatable. Highly recommend Ocrevus infusions. No new lesions for two years!
If your partner wants to talk about it with other people who have it, thereās a discord for people to connect. DM me and my husband can get you the info.
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u/Capgras_DL 1d ago
ā¤ļø thanks for the update - please tell him this whole sub is rooting for you both! Glad youāre together and not stuck apart.
Sending you so much love. Keep us updated on how things go?
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u/ChickenMae 1d ago
I recommend Ovrevus as well. Itās my 4th medication and the only one Iāve been on that has stopped the progression of my MS. Also, I had to push for my MRI to include my spine. They said they didnāt think insurance would cover it, but I also had lesions in my spine, which can be worse than on the brain so I was glad I did.
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u/Jon_Freebird 1d ago
One of the biggest things you'll have to deal with, especially in the south, is heat regulation.
MS tends to impair the part of your brain that helps you regulate body temperature so you'll need to be careful about that. There's cooling vests and portable fans that will help.
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u/strosfan1001 1d ago
My wife has MS. Itās not a death sentence. Iām sorry you are going through this. Happy to help in anyway I can
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u/Upstairs-Nebula-9375 1d ago
I was diagnosed with MS last year, and after the initial panic, things have actually been totally fine. Itās not the same for everyone, but the drugs are very good and Iāve had no relapses since diagnosis. I got into BTB and ICHH in hospital too :)
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u/cuspacecowboy86 1d ago
Do you guys know anyone with MS that you can talk to? I only ask because my wife was diagnosed about a year ago, and having people who have gone through what you and your partner are currently going through was a big help for her.
I'm 100% serious about this: if your guys need someone to talk to, my wife and I are both more than willing. Shoot me a message if you're interested!
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u/firebrandbeads 1d ago
Hey, OP, at least with all these kind posts offering commiseration by folks also living with MS, you know you'll be able to patch together a chat group that is politically compatible.
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u/IndomitableAnyBeth 11h ago
Yup, most likely MS. Yup, much more treatable than used to be. (Greetings from the end of the treatment era of 4 injectables, 3 of the them the same, 2 in all ways but dosage schedule.)
If that is his ultimate diagnosis, and he tires of the two most common problems of telling someone you have MS ( 1. Them knowing a person or two with same and for some reason thinking that means they know how it is and will be for him and 2. Them thinking MS is short for "Muscular Dystrophy" -- I've no idea), may I recommend describing how it actually works instead of naming it. I have brain lesions only, so for me, my answer to why I (MS-caused things) is "Oh, I just happen to have a condition in which my blood likes to eat my brain." The saccharine-sweet ones you'd rather not hear tend to fuck right off, the absolutely fascinated will hope that's being taken care of but be all the more interested in hearing more, and those who actually know will laugh and say why. Happened to also make myself a bit popular among the small posse of then eight- to twelve-y/o boys in my apartment complex. Their response, "GROSS!!!" directly followed by wide-eyed, "Cooool." Hoping to cultivate some fascinateds.
Btw, my disease is pretty well controlled by that one pretty old med that leaves my blood with all its hunger but prevents those tiny white assholes from sticking around long enough to get through my stupid excuse of a blood-brain-barrier. Here's hoping yours finds his best. And that you both whatever you need till some kind of equilibrium in the instability (HA!) that is this freaking shit.
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u/The_Max-Power_Way 9h ago
Adding another voice to the MS doesn't have to be a death sentence chorus. My mother was diagnosed at 38, and last month, we celebrated her 80th. she still walks in the forest every day, is currently writing a novel, and cooked a huge Christmas dinner for 10 people.I know she has considerable pain, but she still lives a full life.
When she was diagnosed, the doctor gave her 5-10 years. Well, he's dead, and she's still going! Thinking that she didn't have much time meant she didn't do things, like pursue a career, that she would have done if she knew she would be alive at 80.
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u/heets 1d ago
Fuck. I so hope the lesions are either a reading error or at least benign (so space-occupying and still needing surgery) and not malignant. What a fucking way to have Christmas. Also, un-fuck your dad for that display, and I say that as a Southern woman.
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u/madtheoracle 1d ago
It's most likely MS so sadly not an error but he's a rock of a human being and keeping happy about it all.
Already asked if we can listen to the Knowledge Fight guest episodes on the way back, nature is healing.
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u/Venetian_Harlequin 1d ago
I was about to come to the comments and ask if they were testing for MS. I'm so sorry.
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u/Shaking-Cliches 1d ago
Bless his dadās heart.
(Not southern did I do that right? One time my husband screwed up big time and my friend texted that she told HER husband āIn my best southern voice, I told him his friend fucked up and he better tell him to do something about itā and ummmmmm it worked. You women have magic)
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u/UnsupervisedAdult 1d ago
Iām from Kentucky. I think I have the authority to say you did that right.
I have a T-shirt that I wear way too often that says Bless Your Heart. Itās one of my favorites. š (https://kyforky.com/products/bless-your-heart-t-shirt-slate?variant=41639514669246)
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u/lilkimgirl 1d ago
I love those!!! My momās side is from Eastern KY. She still has her hillbilly accent at 84.
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u/englshivy Kissinger is a war criminal 1d ago
Common misconception that bless your heart ONLY has passive aggressive meaning. It can also express genuine pity/empathy. So congrations, you done it!
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u/Bundtcakedisaster 1d ago
That phrase largely depends on the tone in which it is spoken. My family is a bunch of passive aggressive bastards, so I have only experienced it in the mean way.
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u/englshivy Kissinger is a war criminal 1d ago
Yeah, my momās side only uses it bitchily. Theyāre allergic to kindness.
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u/djtodd242 1d ago
Dedication to the well being of your partner is sometimes measured in how many truck stops you drove past instead of stopping for the good stuff.
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u/madtheoracle 1d ago
Alright it's funny you say that cus one of my few conceded stops was at a QuikTrip right before they stopped showing up in the north.
South may be a hellhole, but they know their taquito-shaped comforts.
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u/Bradcopter 1d ago
At least you could hit a Wawa or three as you get further north. But yeah, once you get beyond Jersey you're pretty much out of luck for good quick stop type places.
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u/madtheoracle 1d ago
Man I once had a cream cheese stuffed pretzel from a wawa that was legit one of the best things I've ever eaten
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u/zaidakaid 16h ago
Donāt sleep on the seasonal and hazelnut/french vanilla coffees. For the price, itās actually fantastic and one of my guilty pleasures as a self-described coffee snob.
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u/Rocking_the_Red 1d ago
Sounds like your dad either needs Gas station drugs or needs to get off of them. Either way, he can jump off a cliff.
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u/madtheoracle 1d ago
The sad part is knowing his meltdown is him being an undiagnosed autistic who needs routines and Christmas is his biggest one.
It's sad because to have that conversation requires agreeing autism exists.
He's an ass and knows it but if anything I'm thankful it was his wife who pushed me to leave asap.
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u/Rocking_the_Red 1d ago
I kind of feel bad about my post now, but I can't know everything. Untreated mental challenges are the worst, especially when they refuse to get them treated.
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u/madtheoracle 1d ago edited 1d ago
Don't feel bad, at least I tell myself it took me like 25 years to figure this out for myself and I wasn't an ass in that time.
Except to fellow magic the gathering players, because it's easy. And does a lot of damage.
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u/englshivy Kissinger is a war criminal 1d ago
The autism gods absolve you of your sin. Even when we acknowledge it we donāt get to be assholes and blame it on our differences.
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u/orioleright 1d ago
As the child of Trumpers myself ā good for you for leaving and going to be with your partner. I know what the pressure of āyou ruined Christmasā is like. I stopped ruining Christmas 10+ years ago by cutting off most contact with my Trump-worshipping parents, and Iām so much happier for it.
Iām glad BTB kept you company on your long drive. Laughing at awful people can be a weirdly good way to cope with tough moments. I think itās important to keep mocking the truly terrible whenever we can, and Iām going to keep doing it whenever I can. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, in whatever way yāall celebrate.
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u/madtheoracle 1d ago
The thing that really gets to me about it is realizing how much the south puts into the image of Christmas opposed to the reality of it, like doesn't family come first? Why am I the bad guy crying because my husband is scared?
Laughing in the middle of terrible things is really our relationship. His dad died of cancer at 61 and we make constant dead dad jokes. My mom at 51, same thing.
Go figure, our first dog died last year on Christmas so we kept saying all year it can't possibly be a worse Christmas!
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u/thomase7 1d ago
Depressing to realize that itās been nearly 10 years since Trump came down that god-damned gold escalator.
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u/sensualpigeon 1d ago
You prioritized the person you chose over the person the universe randomly assigned to you, and your dad can jump into a vat of FBI-confiscated lube if he doesnāt like it. Hoping all the best for your partner.
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u/madtheoracle 1d ago
Thank you so much.
And honestly he'd probably like it and then has a collapse of personality realizing that no one follows every member of their high school football team, knowing where they are all now and friends with all of them, with pictures of dudes working out everywhere, and is straight
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u/currentlyacathammock 1d ago
I hope you were able to take advantage of the Products and Services you learned about during your drive.
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u/an0maly33 1d ago
Except knife missiles. Best left to the pros.
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u/freya_of_milfgaard 1d ago
Idk sounds like OP has at least one person they know who deserves a knife missle delivered to their doorā¦
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u/Different-Tea2322 1d ago
I'm glad that you got home safe and please pass along best wishes from all of us to your partner I'm sorry you both are going through this
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u/InourbtwotamI 1d ago
Just ācause your dad ruined his life doesnāt mean he can ruin yours. Congrats on adulting and choosing to support the ones that help you to be a better you: Your boyfriend and BtB!
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u/Hesitation-Marx 1d ago
Oh honey! I hope your partner is gonna be okay, and that your dad develops an asshole full of fire ants.
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u/englshivy Kissinger is a war criminal 1d ago
āDevelopsā is the funniest part of this to me š¤£
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u/Shaking-Cliches 1d ago
I am so glad you made it safely, and that Robert and Sophie could be your Rudolphs.
Are you doing ok? This is a lot for both of you. Remember to take care of yourself. Itās easy to go into caretaker mode and forget that the helpers need help, too. ((Internet hugs if you want them))
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u/Bleepblorp44 1d ago
No-one ruined your dadās Christmas apart from his own shitty attitude.
You made the right decision, and I hope things are as routine and straightforward as possible. Sending remote internet stranger well wishes to you & your partner.
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u/Serious_Biskits 1d ago
I spent much too much of 2020 in 5 hour drives to care for my mom as she deteriorated and died, with BTB episodes on repeat. Got through it and am now licensed to perform goat ball surgery in 3 states.
All the best to you and your partner, who understand what's really important in life (products and services!).
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u/SingleUsePlastick 1d ago
Sending best wishes and best of luck to your partner! I just had a life long friend survive Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, after being told that he may not walk out of the hospital on his last visit. Miracles do happen and medicine is getting better and better.
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u/SurpriseDragon 1d ago
BTB got me through so much when my husband was dying. Like hours in waiting rooms, long rides to hospitals, it saved me and kept my brain focused on something healthy.
Thank you Robert and Sophie, sincerely.
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u/Jacobsen_oak 1d ago
Robert Evans saving Christmas would be one of the greatest and most unhinged things ever. "What did he mean when he said 'I'm cool to fly the sleigh! I'm gas station sober!'"
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u/nosuchbrie 1d ago
Oh no. What an excruciating experience. I hope things go better for you both. Iām so glad that something helped you through it, and I can imagine Robert lifting your spirits just enough because, of course, he can be like that.
Eff that Trumper dad, too, for real. Sorry to ruin his Xmas with a serious medical emergency. Jeez.
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u/Bradcopter 1d ago
Hey pal. Also from Vermont, also drove to just outside of Atlanta to visit my parents (Thanksgiving in my case, though). That's a hell of a drive to do alone, especially twice, one of which while under stress. Good for you, and for your partner's idea. I listened to BtB pretty much the whole way down and back (my wife calls Robert the "History Lunatic;" she calls Cory Johnston the "News Lunatic" so it's all in brand).
It sounds like your SO is getting good care, guessing by location through Fletcher Allen or whatever they call it now (I've been in Southern Vermont for the past twenty years, it's been a while since I lived north). My wife has had excellent care through Dartmouth's neurology department so keep them in mind if you find UVM lacking.Ā
Good luck to you both!
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u/Independence_Gay 1d ago
Sending you and your partner good fortune and good health. As others said, MS is treatable and treatment options will only improve going forward. Shit gets scary, and thatās bad news to receive for the holidays, so sometimes the best thing we can do is love one another. The fact that you did that for your partner is really touching and speaks a lot to your character.
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u/tormunds_beard 1d ago
I can legally say that behind the bastards, the dollop, and building lightsabers saved me when my wife had breast cancer. I 100% get it, OP. Hoping for the best for you both, and fuck your dad. Mine too.
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u/Deaths_Rifleman 1d ago
Holy shit.. new terror relating to my reoccurring vertigo.. I hope your partner is gonna be ok..
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u/t3hshoe 1d ago
As someone who literally had brain surgery after a mass was found in my brain a couple days after thanksgiving, thank you so much for making that drive. Iāve had melanoma for a couple years and it spread, getting radiation to clean up the rest of it next week. All that to say, if it wasnāt for my partner, family, friends and coworkers being extremely supportive I donāt know how Iād be doing now. Youāre a good person, and I wish you guys all the best in this difficult journey. Also BTB is extremely helpful for me too.
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u/Illustrious-Trip620 22h ago
First and foremost, you did the right thing. A big life lesson Iāve learned is during times of emergency and trauma you need to do what feels right to you. Donāt let anyone tell you whatās best for you in those moments.
I am glad the Honorable Robert Evanās J.D., General Sophie Lichterman and esteemed guests were able to keep you up and focus you on your drive.
I hope the best for you and your partner and am sending positive vibes your way.
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u/perfectlyniceperson 1d ago
Oof, Iām so sorry you and your partner are going through!!! I hope that your partner is ok and gets the help he needs. Glad BtB was able to get you there.
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u/Flashfreeze9 1d ago
I'm very glad you made it. I've made those white knuckle drives and sat powerless next to someone I love. Please let yourself sleep when you get a chance. I know you partner would say the same thing
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u/Glittering_Lunch_347 18h ago
This podcast has gotten me through some rough times as well. I just found it a few months ago and am almost caught up with all the episodesš
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u/Vtdscglfr1 1d ago
Hey if you need anything, feel free to reach out. I don't know if you're in northern vermont, or like in northern northern vermont. I'm close to chittenden county if you should need anything.
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u/Thinkimkindagay 1d ago
ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø sending love to you and your partner!! ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
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u/BridgetteBane 1d ago
Anticipated grief is a ducking nightmare. Don't be afraid to talk to someone.
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u/lilkimgirl 1d ago
Iām glad you made it back home to be with your partner. MS is a hard pill to swallow but there have been advancements in treatment.
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u/sp4c3c4se 1d ago
Fellow northern Vermonter here, I'm glad you made it and I hope things get better for you two.
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u/top_gnome 1d ago
This is gut wrenching and heartwarming at the same time, very in keeping with the vibe of the show. All the hugs and love to you and your partner
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u/HungryMagpie 1d ago
oh my god dude what a shit christmas, i'm so sorry. fuck your bloody dad for acting like you were ruining HIS christmas instead of trying to support you. that is infuriating.
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u/ihtfbidlc 15h ago
to see my Trumper Dad and his new wife.
I lol'd at this line, not sure why but this just sounds hilarious in my head...
Anyway, I'm sorry to hear you and your partner are going through this. Good call on going to see him. Glad a bunch of bastards could help you put things into perspective and do the right thing.
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u/Trillion_Bones 13h ago
But can you say it illegally?
Edit: I can tell why your father is a Trumpet. It's the glaring self-centered lack of empathy.
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u/Barl0we 1d ago
Goddamn š
I hope your partner recovers quickly. Iām sure the honorable reverend doctor would appreciate your story!