r/badphilosophy • u/clickrush • Dec 10 '21

Reading Group A Thorough Examination of The Punchability of Philosopher's Faces

Who has the most punchable face?

For reference:

Hegel

Nietzsche

Heidegger

Sartre

Plato

385 votes, Dec 13 '21
91 Hegel
53 Nietzsche
97 Heidegger
92 Sartre
35 Plato
17 Other (in comments)
28 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

33 comments sorted by

56

u/KantExplain Dec 10 '21

Jordan Peterson removed from list to make it a fair contest.

52

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '21

implying jordan peterson is a philosopher

2

u/KantExplain Dec 11 '21

I actually did think of this as I was writing it...

23

u/boardatwork1111 Dec 10 '21

Id be careful with Peterson, he’s resistant to most damage thanks to copious amounts of benzos. Gotta land a critical hit early before he’s able to summon any chaos dragons and lobster rush you otherwise you’re dead bucko.

8

u/theknightwho Dec 10 '21

Fortunately, his max health decreases on each revive.

2

u/KantExplain Dec 11 '21

Much like his spirit animal Breitbart, as it turned out.

2

u/NotASpaceHero Jan 04 '22

Only effective defense is putting your bedroom in order and fix your father-son relationship

26

u/boardatwork1111 Dec 10 '21

Heidegger’s the only answer, all true ethicists know you jump nazis on sight my guy

8

u/history_questions basically a neoliberal self-hating NEET Dec 10 '21

Technically you're correct, but god, that fucking Sartre picture...

15

u/boardatwork1111 Dec 10 '21

Dude looks like he’s animorphing into a pedophilic frog lmao

23

u/history_questions basically a neoliberal self-hating NEET Dec 10 '21

If the famous Stirner-drawing was an actual photo he would look even more cringe than Nietzsche don't @ me

3

u/Infinitium_520 Dec 10 '21

Reminder that he was blonde.

19

u/17291 Dec 10 '21

Plato's made of marble. Punching him in the face would probably break some bones.

18

u/Omgiloveher Dec 10 '21

Maaan how are u gonna say Sartre has a punchable face when he has a lazy eye that's mean 😭

7

u/clickrush Dec 10 '21

The lazy eye is the only redeeming quality of Sartre.

4

u/Omgiloveher Dec 10 '21

Lmfao you have a point

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '21

[deleted]

15

u/ConceptOfHangxiety Dec 10 '21

Not exactly his face, but following the Corsair Affair, Kierkegaard was publicly ridiculed in the streets of Copenhagen for his high-pitched voice and having one leg shorter than the other.

4

u/clickrush Dec 10 '21

You must be fun at parties.

20

u/ConceptOfHangxiety Dec 10 '21

When I’m ridiculing people for their physical appearance, yes.

3

u/theknightwho Dec 10 '21

That explains why he was always so bloody depressed.

12

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '21

[deleted]

6

u/clickrush Dec 10 '21

Eloquently put.

8

u/Ackermannin Dec 10 '21

Sir this is r/badphilosophy, we don’t actually do interesting stufff here

5

u/clickrush Dec 10 '21

While Sartre and Heidegger are at the top of the race I wonder about the essence of Face-Punchability. Is it an inherent property of their being or are we condemned to think of their faces as punchable?

5

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '21

The high punchability of Heidegger’s face is only reasonable if you have already accepted major parts of his philosophy, which makes me want to punch him all the more.

4

u/TongaDeMironga Dec 10 '21

Nietzsche all day long. He looks like a right cocky little twat.

5

u/spiritworldproblem Dec 10 '21

imagine not wanting to kiss nietzsche

4

u/[deleted] Dec 12 '21

Hegel and Sartre both look like a strong gust of wind could end them in those pictures so I would feel bad if I punched them.

Nietzsche looks sturdy and he kinda scares me so no

Plato is a fucking statue so I can't really evaluate that one

which leaves Heidegger as having the most punchable face. If I had to pick another one it would definitely be Jeremy Bentham.

2

u/PARMENION468 Dec 10 '21

Kierkegaard always looked smug enough to deserve a punch.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 11 '21

Habermas.