r/alcoholism • u/coolcrosby • Feb 08 '15
(The Where, Why, and) What should I expect at my first AA meeting
This post is not an invitation to debate AA or the merits or perceived evils of AA, it is instead an effort to lay out what some of the nuts and bolts and provide practical information about AA and AA meetings since that has been the question in many, many posts and comments over the past few weeks.
At some point in recovery many of us decide that ACTION is required. The /r/stopddrinking survey results puts AA and other recovery meetings at the top of the list of recovery tools. While many of us on the recovery subreddits have addressed this subject of going to a first AA meeting in many, many posts I thought I'd take a stab at a 1-off post for the wave of 2015 newcomers:
What is AA?
Alcoholics Anonymous is a changeable group of drunks (mostly sober) whose primary purpose is to stop drinking, get sober, and help the next person stop drinking and get sober. AA is available all over the world it's the easiest, most readily accessible and F-R-E-E place any of us can go to get help in real life.
What might I expect at my first AA meeting?
My pal, /u/Slipacre suggested that I add this observation: every single one of us felt nervous and anxious going to our first AA meeting. I know I did. So it's my hope that this will help you.
When I first started posting on the recovery subreddits a few years ago I took note of a lot of posts: I'm going to my first AA meeting, or I'd like to go to an AA meeting what's it like?
I've been to thousands of AA meetings in many places, mostly but not all in the US. In my experience AA meetings are almost by design shaggy affairs run by the members of the meetings themselves (AA has NO hierarchy, no central authority). Each meeting decides via a "group conscience" how they wish the meeting to run.
Meetings can be "open" which anyone including non-alcoholics, e.g. friends, family, counselors, educators, etc. can attend; or "closed" which are open to alcoholics only or those trying to figure out if they have an alcohol problem. AA meetings are created which try to serve various demographics: young people, women only, men only, atheist or agnostic, LGBT, Native American, dual addiction, AA+AlAnon and so forth.
Meetings themselves have all sorts of formats but generally speaking in my experience, meetings breakdown into two broad categories: speaker meetings and discussion meetings.
In my hometown, Cleveland, there are 1500+ AA meetings a week and those meetings occur at ALL hours of the day and night.
What would it be like if I went to my first AA meeting?
Imagine that you are going to a large speaker meeting located in the basement of a local church at 8 PM Friday night. You pull into a parking lot filled with all sorts of cars some with bumper stickers saying: One Day At a Time; Easy Does It; Higher Powered, etc. People amble in and congregate around the door smoking, laughing, hugging, and shaking hands. Smile, shake hands, be prepared to say your first name. Go in. Find the table with pamphlets. Read anything you want, but get a LOCAL meeting schedule.
Take a seat, smile and from that point on do or say as little or as much as you feel motivated to do or say. Say nothing--that's OK. Say something--that's OK. Smile. /u/Slipacre suggests: practice saying: "I'm just here to listen." You'll probably not need to say that but it's nice to know that you have something that is respected at the meetings should you get approached and feel too anxious to talk.
Be happy, smile.
You might also ask the meeting "Secretary" or "Chair" if they know of any "Beginner's" meetings or look at the local schedule book for a "Beginner's meeting." These tend to focus on the first 3 Steps of the famous AA 12 Steps or other basic "starter" principles.
Pro tip: take exactly $1 for the collection if and only if you have $1. AA meetings are FREE but the local meetings collect voluntary contributions to defray room rent and sometimes coffee, literature, etc.
Is AA religious (will I be dragged into a religious cult and brainwashed)?
AA is by official proclamation not religious, but I'll be honest with you this is an ongoing debate within the "fellowship itself about the proper role of "prayer" and God-talk in AA. AA literature is filled with "God-talk" but from the beginning atheists and agnostics were involved in the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous which is where the idea of a Higher Power instead of God came from. I think with the current wave the old mid-20th Century "God talk" is fading and falling out of fashion, but it's still there and by custom many meetings still say the Serenity Prayer and close the meetings with the "Our Father." Prayers, and saying prayers are OPTIONAL and almost no one looks askance at those who do not participate.
Is AA a cult?
I laugh to myself at this because I was sure this would turn out to be the case, but AA lacks the central feature of cults: no mind controlling central charismatic leadership, financial motive, or deviant beliefs. On the other hand the seemingly novel "in-group practices" can seem cult-y. I think the movie 28 Days movingly captures the essence of this.
Brainwashing?
My brain needed washing.
Why Should I go to an AA or other Recovery Program?
At the end of my drinking, my alcoholism isolated me from the human race. As many of us exclaim in our posts on the recovery subreddits I had social anxiety. I would have described myself as an agoraphobic. For those in the recovery community who know me or met me you wouldn't believe it--but, I was filled with terror. But by forcing myself through the doors of AA I found people JUST LIKE ME who had been through what I had been through and who were waiting on me and the next guy, and the next girl, and those after us to come through the door, because in helping others we help ourselves.
Who will I meet in AA?
Smart, funny, lonely, outrageous, outgoing, sweet, caring, crooked, saintly, homeless, business and social elites, students, really young, really old, people just like you and me.
What will I get if I work an AA or other Recovery Program?
A path to a new dimension, a sober life, an opportunity to live my full potential life and maybe most importantly the end of isolation.
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Feb 08 '15
Thanks for sharing this, I bet it can be very helpful to the newcomer.
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u/coolcrosby Feb 08 '15
U-bet, thanks for the invitation to put it here.
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Feb 08 '15
My brain needed washing.
is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. (Funny-because-its-true.)
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Feb 14 '15
I've added this very helpful post to the /r/alcoholism sidebar. I hope it can continue to provide help and reassurance to newcomers.
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u/coolcrosby Feb 14 '15 edited Feb 14 '15
Thanks, pal. I'm honored to have that post linked on r/alcoholism.
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u/Saucey May 22 '15
Is AA a cult?
Something occurred to me the other night when I was thinking about ways for our group to meet our rent (it just went up and it's our "slow" time because of the nice weather).
Why don't we just sell our literature for a little more than cost?
It immediately was shot down by my brain with, "We (AA) aren't there to make money!" I really love the Traditions of AA. It really helps to keep us focused and deters us from a lot of paths that could lead us down a "cultish road". Just thought I'd share that.
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u/coolcrosby May 22 '15
LOL! I see a lot of goofy things in meetings. Usually, when it gets too outlandish, the membership either steers it back to the mainstream or goes off to create another meeting.
BTW, the policy at my Westside Agnositics meeting re: literature is by group conscience: buy the literature for our costs or if you don't have any money "steal it and pay us back when and if you do have the money."
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u/Saucey May 22 '15 edited May 22 '15
buy the literature for our costs or if you don't have any money "steal it and pay us back when and if you do have the money.
That is just great. My sponsor says that when he first started (26 years ago), that when the 7th Tradition basket went around they would say, "Give a dollar if you have it. Take one if you need it." The practice stopped though at his particular meetings because they were having trouble making rent.
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u/coolcrosby May 22 '15
I became a trustee of a Sober Club called the Saharid which was this dusty, run down building nestled in amongst body and machine shops behind a bar called Fanoose's. We had 36 weekly meetings a week at the club, but only about half were paying their rent. The club in turn was in dire economic straits and about to fold. All we did was get honest with everyone and within a 5 week swing 90% of all meetings were current, we paid all the club bills including insurances, vendors, and the rest. What we discovered was that by being honest about the real costs of the operation we got everyone to get real.
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u/turbobuddah Mar 16 '22
Thankyou for this, i'm in an ironic spiral, fear of death causing lack of sleep, which led to drinking to ease the mind and sleep, but now dr has warned my liver result is abnormal and my fear is high again which makes it hard to stop. Think i'll give a meeting a try and see if I can get perspective or drive I need to change
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u/soberdude1 Feb 08 '15
Thanks for sharing this.