r/alcoholism • u/needagirlfriend69 • 20h ago

Cheated on my girlfriend while drunk.

I (F21) really fucked up. This was some weeks ago at a party we were both supposed to go to. My girlfriend wasn’t feeling well so she stayed back home, I went anyway because I’d committed to going for my friends etc. It was finals week so I told myself I’d cap it at 2 ciders for the night… then someone offered me a shot and the group went to the bars.

I don’t remember all I did at the bars, or walking back to my friend’s house. I remember hanging out and just chatting about assorted topics in her living room, and drinking a cider that someone left on the table. I don’t remember entering her bedroom. I remember her reminding me about my girlfriend, and saying “she doesn’t need to know”. I don’t remember much of the act itself. I woke up the next morning naked in her bed, still tipsy, and she drove me home. I apologized for what happened and she did too, and in the moment I said it would be something to “take to the grave”.

I can’t take this to the grave. It’s eating me up inside. I feel so awful about how I betrayed my relationship and how I got in the way of their friendship (I introduced my GF to my friends and them two in particular hit it off really well). GF thinks so highly of my friend and trusts me so much and I can’t believe I just shattered both of those things with my stupid drunk actions. I don’t even know what I was thinking at the time.

It’s been some weeks since that night, I still haven’t told her because of the circumstance (finals week and she had a really important meeting coming up) and also because I’m absolutely terrified of the fallout. Mostly the latter. I’ve been drinking a lot about it, of course. We haven’t been able to see each other for the holidays yet but I think when I next get the chance I have to tell her in person. I’m so scared and I regret my stupid actions and alcohol habits so much.

6 Upvotes

69% Upvoted

14 comments sorted by

7

u/Ho11owfied 13h ago

You’ll do it again if you continue to drink

20

u/Embarrassed_War_5137 20h ago

You should quit alcohol immediately. Please seek professional help and do come out clean to your partner. It’s very important to maintain the respect now when you have already broken her trust. And be open to the outcome, as there are chances she might decide to leave you. But do come clean as it would also relieve you from the loathing and guilt, also it is the right thing to do. This is the time to take ownership of your actions and be responsible for your behaviour and choices. Hope this helps and apologies if I sound rude, but this is it.

5

u/winark 19h ago

Well said mate, I'm in a similar situation right now and I feel this is very well said and truthful.

2

u/Embarrassed_War_5137 19h ago

Glad you found it helpful mate. I have been a subject of alcohol addiction myself in the past and I have misbehaved with my close people. It was not a huge problem but I instantly realised where it would take me if I did not stop. While we drink to enjoy at times, it’s crucial to remember it can turn very bad if not controlled. I definitely do not want to lose the people who love me for the sake of a $10-$50 bottle of whiskey.

6

u/Fit_Patient_4902 10h ago edited 10h ago

You’re 21, you both have a lot of life left. Tell her the truth. Tell her you cheated. Tell her you are struggling with drinking. Tell her you need a break. Get sober, let her find somebody else who wont cheat, you owe her. work on yourself, you owe yourself. Then you can be an honest and good partner to the next person, and it’ll be off your conscience. Trust me if you hold on to a lie like that it’s only gonna eat you up as long as you continue ignoring it, and it’s not fair to mislead her.

2

u/onceknownasmike 9h ago

What are you going to do so that this doesn’t happen again?

2

u/musiqslut 8h ago

My advice, having done something similar, is to take it to the grave. By telling her you are only relieving yourself of your own guilt. I know it’s eating you up inside, but that’s the price you have to pay for your fuckup. Telling her will only serve to hurt her so you can offload your guilt. It’s actually kind of selfish to do so. I agree with what the others have said, that if you continue to drink you’ll do it again. If you really love this girl, sober up, and be the best partner you can be.

2

u/MechanicInevitable98 5h ago

You should quit drinking but consider the ramifications of telling her. As horrible as that sounds it maybe be one thing you do need to take to the grave. Your feelings right now are still selfish because you need to unload the guilt onto her to feel better. Spare her. If you can’t spare her then break up with her and do not tell her about the incident. The only way you should tell her is if you think your friend won’t keep it a secret.

3

u/Far_Marsupial8572 12h ago

This might be the worst advice ever but I would take it to the grave. Remove it from your memory and focus on being. A better partner and never do this again.

4

u/OcelotPositive9579 11h ago

I know you’re getting contradictory advice but I agree with the point made here. As far as you know your gf knows nothing. This will just hurt her. Instead tell her about your worries with respect to your drinking and ask for her support to deal with that.

Good luck - I wish you and your gf happiness .

1

u/LunorClassicRund 6h ago

Let’s hope she did not get you pregnant.

1

u/Iam_Notreal 2h ago

Listen, you didn't do it maliciously. Do not tell her, you will break her heart and cause a lot of pain. You need to come to terms with this, accept it, and forgive yourself. Use this as motivation to never cheat or drink again and be the best partner you can be for your girlfriend.

Forget it happened, don't let it happen again, and move on.

1

u/menlindorn 13h ago

Tell her. It'll come out eventually, and it will be so much worse later when it was a conscious decision instead of a drunken mistake.

1

u/needagirlfriend69 49m ago

Thank you all for the comments. I have a lot to think about. Obviously I want to do the right thing and tell her, but it sounds like it would only cause pain on all fronts. Then again, this wouldn’t have to happen if I’d just controlled my drinking. Both options feel selfish at the moment but regardless I need to get a handle on my drinking and alcohol habits. It’s really scary to think about, I don’t feel ready yet. But then again I never really will “feel ready”. Thank you all for the advice.