r/REDDITORSINRECOVERY • u/malnicfin • 14d ago
Husband doesn’t believe me
I’m 45 days sober today. 2 & a half weeks out of inpatient treatment. In PHP currently. UA’d at least once a week (twice this week including today). My husband found 2 Gatorade bottles that I must have hidden from before treatment. I would buy those along with my vodka. I didn’t know they were there but not surprised. I had a lot of hiding places…there’s bound to be something somewhere I forgot about. Anyway, he asked me multiple times if I’m SURE I didn’t buy them since I’ve been home. Yes, I’m sure. I know I can’t be mad because of how often I’ve lied about it. But damn it’s a real downer to be doubted. 🫤
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u/SeriousPhrase 14d ago
I imagine you’ve done a lot to make him doubt. Your job is to stay sober and it’ll get worked out over time
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u/AceZ1121 14d ago
It’s tough and I’ve been on all sides of addiction. Trust is earned and it takes time. Counseling would be helpful for you individually and together. Just keep going.. I promise it’ll get better. 💖
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u/standsure 14d ago
Darling heart.
Congratulations on 45 days - that's huge.
I don't know how long you drank for and if your situation is anything like mine there is some wreckage to clear up.
What worked best for me was letting my actions speak for me. I had lost a lot of ground through my actions in active addiction.
I kept my head down, kept going to meetings and dealt with each situation as it raised it's head. It's hard because I felt so, so fucking raw all the time.
Meetings helped a whole lot and I started step work pretty much straight away. Keeping up integrity with my recovery allowed me to walk my talk and demonstrate what I call my living amends to people I harmed with my dishonest words and actions.
Your feelings are absolutely valid.
TW - Advice Keep your putting your recovery first and you will keep winning. I'm proud of you. You've got this.
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u/Fickle-Secretary681 14d ago
The longer you stay sober, the more trust he'll have. Hang in there. Took a long time for my husband to fully trust me again, and I didn't blame him.
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u/SOmuch2learn 14d ago
I don't think we can ever fully comprehend how our drinking hurts those who love us. Your husband is scared to death you are going to drink again. As you said, how can you expect him to believe you when you have lied so often? Therefore, it is important to stay calm, reassure him, don't get defensive, and don't drink.
Once trust is broken it takes a long, long time to rebuild and it is up to you to earn it, one day at a time.
Are you getting support and guidance from people who know how to treat alcoholism/Alcohol Use Disorder? When I got out of rehab I was given discharge recommendations. It is important to follow them to the letter.
Remember, loved ones are worried that you will drink again. So, don't. Be kind, patient, and understanding.
See, also, /r/stopdrinking; /r/alcoholicsanonymous.
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u/lil_sparrow_ 14d ago
Congratulations on 45 days!!
I'm 11 months in and It's a really difficult and complex thing to deal with for sure. Early in recovery, I was often doubted and old stashes would be found and it was difficult to be believed, but thankfully I was given the benefit of the doubt.
I found that overtime, people trust you easier and easier with it. I think what truly helped my support system believe me was when I was honest with them about slips, honest about emotions around everything, and staying in my PHPs and other programs.
People want to see us putting in the work and it helped my support system to know that I work closely with professionals every day and that problems I have can be caught and addressed. Plus, as a bonus, I gave my support system the phone numbers of some of my providers that they would talk to and that helped a lot too.
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u/katalia0826 14d ago
I had a ton of hiding places myself, in fact I was still finding bottles 2 years after I got sober (I'm at about 4.5 years now). When I first got sober my husband and I went through everything to try to root everything out but one thing I did that I think helped with the trust was when I found a bottle we missed, I called him immediately to tell him what I found. That way it wasn't a surprise when he came home and found a bottle.
Congratulations on 45-days it's a great accomplishment!
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u/soberrabbit 12d ago
It takes a while to build trust. Keep going - you'll have a year before you know it.
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u/-GreyPaws 14d ago
Highly recommend couples counseling for you guys, you're in active recovery from a chronic illness, there needs to be room for you to rebuild trust. If your word wasn't good enough, the ua should have been. Anyhow, it's a complicated issue, and a good counselor can help a great deal.