Never chase a woman (why it’s not always true)

[u/RomanSMironov]

“Never chase a woman.”

Great for attracting her initially.

But once you’re dating or in a relationship, it can actually harm you.

I am going to explain why this “Never chase a woman” principle isn’t black and white.

I also made a video to help you remember these principles fast. (Combining text-based and auditory information helps retention.)

Here is the link: https://youtu.be/eNsK0GEW_4c

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Chasing like a rabid dog is bad.

But so is being too indifferent.

Let me illustrate with a personal story.

Stage 1: Let her come to you initially

I met this girl at a club, chatted her up, and we exchanged numbers.

The next day, Anna texted me first.

She chased me and I didn’t need to chase her at all.

That’s how I attracted her.

1. She felt safe knowing I wasn’t a stalker. “There’s no risk for me.”
2. Her interest went up because I was mysterious. “Why doesn’t he blow up my phone like all those other dudes?”
3. My patience communicated strength rather than neediness. “He doesn’t need me and that’s so sexy!”

Morgan Freeman said:

“Don’t chase women. They’ll chase you. If you see a lady and you don’t go drooling all over her, she’s gonna wonder why.”

Initially, being indifferent helped me attract Anna.

But soon, it stopped working.

Stage 2: Open up while dating

As we dated, I kept playing hard to get instead of opening up slowly.

It’s not that I now had permission to blow up her phone.

But I had to get involved in the relationship emotionally:

1. I am a macho man all the time → I can be vulnerable sometimes.
2. I have options with women → I might have other options but I choose her over them.
3. I have higher priorities → Although she’s not my number one priority, she is becoming more important.

And what did I actually do?

I overdid the “Never chase a woman” principle.

I was a cold fish and had a hard time bonding.

Stage 3: “Chase” gently as a leader in a relationship

Still, we dated for two months and became a couple officially.

And that’s when I did the most stupid thing.

We were on a trip to Rome and stood in a line to visit St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican.

I found a shortcut but she didn’t follow me.

And I left without her.

We lost sight of each other and spent the rest of the day apart.

I was way too indifferent.

I thought, if you don’t want to go with me, that’s fine, I don’t care and won’t persuade you.

But I should’ve discussed the matter with her patiently and worked out a solution together.

As a leader in a relationship, I need to do that gentle “chasing”.

Communicate instead of saying, “I’m a macho man. I am leaving.”

Another common situation is when your woman shuts down and you need to “chase” to open her up.

If you ask, “What is it?” just once and then give up, she’ll think you don't care or aren't strong enough to break through the barriers that she puts up to test you.

Recap

No, that’s not permission for you to blow up her phone.

My point is: don’t take any of the extremes—drooling over a girl and being too indifferent.

Recognize at which stage you are in a relationship, get involved emotionally, and be a patient leader.

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TL;DR; : "Never chase a woman" is a principle that works well when you want to attract a girl. But as you get closer, it might actually be harmful.

[u/wagingpeace]

Hmmm, food for thought! Might be some SAGE thrown around here :)