Fear of Time and the Fragility of Life

[u/dreamless892992]

Hi everyone,

I’m 14 years old (almost 15 in a few days), and I want to share something I’ve been feeling deeply lately. I’m in a moment of my life where everything feels so perfect that it hurts to think it won’t last forever. I love what I do, I have time for myself, and I feel deeply loved by my family and friends. But there’s this constant shadow: time.

I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to face the future, the day when my grandparents (the greatest fountain of love I have in the world) are no longer here, or when I stop being a kid (I am not a kid longer, but paradoxically I am afraid to stop being one), or when I have to leave this phase of my life that feels so full of meaning. I wish I could encapsulate these moments, put them in a jar, and stay here forever. But I know I can’t. I know change is inevitable, and that thought breaks me.

I keep thinking about the day when all of this is gone. How life will push me forward even when I just want to stay. And I feel fear. Fear of losing what I have, fear of facing the unknown, fear of watching these precious moments fade away.

Sometimes it feels like time is this unstoppable force, dragging me forward while I desperately try to hold onto the present. I think about how fragile everything is—relationships, places, even myself—and it’s overwhelming. I find myself trying to savor every little detail: the way my grandparents laugh, the warmth of my family, the freedom I feel right now. But no matter how much I try to hold onto it, it feels like sand slipping through my fingers.

What scares me the most is how inevitable it all is. I can’t stop the clock, I can’t keep people around forever, and I can’t remain in this moment. It makes me question so much about life: Why are we so deeply connected to things and people if we’re destined to lose them? How do you balance cherishing the present while accepting that it won’t last?

I know people say that change can bring growth, but right now, I don’t want growth—I want stability. I want to stay here, in this moment, where I feel safe and loved. Yet, deep down, I know that resisting time is impossible. I know that life is about change, but I just wish it wasn’t so hard to accept.

So, I’m here, trying to find a way to live with this. How do I stop fighting against time? How do I stop fearing it? I want to be able to live fully, to embrace what’s here without being consumed by the fear of losing it.

If you’ve been through something similar, or if you’ve found a way to make peace with the passage of time, I would truly appreciate hearing your thoughts. Any advice, stories, or practices you can share would mean a lot to me.

Thank you for reading this (and also sorry if I had any grammatical errors, my native language is spanish). Writing it down already feels like a step toward understanding and accepting these emotions.

[u/dutch_emdub]

You sound like a lovely and very thoughtful and self reflective person, especially for a 14-almost-15-year-old. You seem aware of your 'problem' and how inevitable change is, and that change can actually also be something good, while also seizing the day! So, to me, it seems like you're already doing an amazing job!

I can only give you two tips, and I apologize for the lengthy post and possible irrelevance ;-)

1. If these sentiments really bother you and your life, find a therapist. Your resistance of change might come from some unhelpful core beliefs that you may be able to identify and challenge with professional help. I love that you love your life so much, but being able to accept change and uncertainty is a super useful life skill and attitude, that may be hard to learn by yourself.

2. Proof yourself that you can cope with change, whether the change is good or bad. You can do so by being aware of when something big (or not so big) is actually changing and of how you cope with it. And by proofing I mean an empirical and not a cognitive exercise! So, experience change and what it does to you, and not outthink it! Your fear center doesn't learn through logical and rational arguments, but it learns through experiences. So be aware and conscious of change and observe empirically how you actually respond to, or cope with it.

As an example, I have a chronic anxiety disorder. I'm super scared of anxiety, because I have this very strong belief it cannot handle: I think anxiety debilitates me and that there's nothing I can do to change that. My standard way to handle this thinking, is by more thinking. I think about how I cope with anxiety, if that coping is healthy or not, how I should cope, etc, etc. However, when I do get anxious, rational brain switches off, monkey brain takes over, and none of this thinking is useful! I cannot think like this anymore because the amygdala is in full control.

With my therapist, I no longer try to outthink these thoughts, but to experimentally test them. So, with her, I first coYme up with all possible scenarios of how I (could) handle anxiety - from the worst to the best. Then, when I do get anxious, I'll try to cope in a healthy way, and then, the next day or so, I report which scenario actually happened. So far, it's never been the worst-case and once, it's even been the best case! This way, I gain empirical evidence that debunks the thought that 'I cannot handle anxiety', which is much more useful than the cognitive approach!

Anyway, this is the only thing that seems to work for me (and I've seen many therapists!). I'm a very analytical person and I overthink everything, and I get the sense that you are too. That's why I shared this whole story, because it might benefit you too.

Good luck! Life's got soooo much more for you in store, and while not all of it will be nice, it seems like a pity to try to resist.that!

[u/jcinacio]

Would we be able to enjoy and truly value the moment, if it was infinite? Maybe what makes us hope time would stop is knowing exactly how precious the moment is?

It seems like some form of paradox, but I believe we need change in order to appreciate what we have now.

The future is also full of opportunities, and by trying to force ourselves to live in the past we are effectively skipping the present and preventing all that potential that could be from becoming reality.

Edit: may very well be a cliché, but: - remember and learn from the past, - prepare for and build the future, - live now to the fullest, as it is always unique.

[u/M_Mulberry663]

Time is a precious commodity and I completely understand that you are living with a fear of loss more so than the fear of time. You are young and are so blessed to have a great life. Things will change and what comes next may be even better. Life is cycles and constantly changing and holding on too tightly x, y and z won't transform the situation.

Curious, why are you so focused on the clock? What triggered that?

Trust me, we have a lot oftime