r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/biasedToWardsFacts • 7d ago

Video/Gif Title.

15.8k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

113 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/AzrielJohnson 7d ago

Bad Mr Tape Measure!

Maaaaaam Tape Measure's bein' a dildo!

228

u/just2play714 7d ago

Well, i know who's sleeping with mommy tonight!

97

u/PeridotChampion 7d ago

... What?

51

u/just2play714 7d ago

There was an episode where Cartman complained that Kitty was being a dildo and that was his mother's response.

93

u/PeridotChampion 6d ago

Yes, I know. That's Cartman's response after Liane says what she said.

He looks to the camera and says, "what?"

39

u/just2play714 6d ago

Ahhhh..... i guess i was too busy laughing to catch that! Thanks for clarifying, i appreciate it! Guess i need to go binge the whole series again 😀

24

u/PeridotChampion 6d ago

South Park deserves any and all excuses to rewatch the series.

9

u/AzrielJohnson 6d ago

Embarrassing to admit, but I forgot the "What?" part too 😂

22

u/Otterstripes 6d ago

No, tape measure! That's my pot pie!

508

u/praqueviver 7d ago

Sounds like a dying Bokoblin

56

u/LiminalBrownRecluse 7d ago

I thought the same thing, lmao

38

u/markosias-g-35m 6d ago

Bro screamed like gumball watterson

20

u/Dragon_Small_Z 6d ago

Somebody PLEASE take this sound clip and mod it into TOTW/BOTW.

18

u/quantumthrashley 7d ago

lmao it really does

2

u/rowdy_sprout 5d ago

Holy shit this is spot on

466

u/Mementoes121655 7d ago

OH MY GOD YOU KILLED KENNY! YOU BASTARD!

361

u/AmnesiA_sc 7d ago

over 30 years ago I heard a story (no idea if it's true or not) about a guy who just let the tape measure reel itself back in and it spun around and sliced through his finger to the bone like a paper cut.

I've been so paranoid around those things ever since hearing that. This video made me uncomfortable. Great impression though.

169

u/AdDisastrous6738 7d ago

When I was little, probably around 5-ish, a friend and I were playing with a tape measure we found. He took off running while I held the end to see how far it would reach. He hit the end and the tape slid right down my thumb leaving a deep gash. You can still kind of see the scar it left.

52

u/christpeepin 6d ago

Basically the same thing happened to me at 4 or 5. 0-10 do not recommend and still have PTSD.

40

u/FesteringNeonDistrac 6d ago

I've sliced myself on them before. Not that bad, but I can believe it. They can be kind of dangerous in a few ways

28

u/roadrunnuh 6d ago edited 6d ago

You should always be careful with stuff that has loaded springs in it even if they are ubiquitous and seemingly harmless.

21

u/Eliah870 6d ago

It's definitely possible, especially with the speed at which they can retract and how thin the metal is. Best to be cautious when retracting them

8

u/QuiveryNut 6d ago

I mean, a multi-foot razor slicing through your finger is sure to do some damage if there’s enough pressure or you don’t pull away. Plausible for sure

6

u/Rottendog 6d ago

I've not done it with a tape measure, but I've cut myself to the bone with a 5 gallon bucket lid and another time cut myself to the muscle with a card board box that was sliced open with a razor, so the box edge was sharp.

So I can easily see how a tape measure could slice the shit out of you.

7

u/HowIsThatMyProblem 6d ago

My sister and I once fought over a tape measure as kids. She let go and it really did slice through like half my finger. Fun time explaining this at the hospital.

3

u/Moist_Transition325 5d ago

Two plumbing apprentices were screwing around with a tape measure. One tried to rip it out of the others hands by the tape part and sliced up all of his fingers very badly

3

u/Average-Anything-657 4d ago

My baby brother did something similar by just dragging it out as far as he could with his ~2ft body, stretching out from fingertips to toes.

He ended up slashing his cheek, chest, leg, and... the "locomotive interdigial webbing" between his big and index (?) toe. The stains were still there in the carpet when we moved out nearly a decade later, and now my feet feel uncomfortable.

2

u/AmnesiA_sc 4d ago

Good lord that's gruesome. Glad I wasn't told that story as a child or I'd never go near the mutilation traps. Reading the replies to my comment have not helped me lol.

2

u/DaveTheDolphin 5d ago

I own this exact tape measure and I can attest to that these fuckers are sharp as hell

I had extended out just 6 feet and let it reel in and accidentally cut the curved area between my pinkie skin and finger nail and the wound didn’t fully seal till like a day or two later

2

u/Disig 5d ago

I actually did get a severe cut from doing exactly that as a kid. Needed stitches and everything. But it wasn't to the bone luckily.

1

u/Noodlescissors 5d ago

Hey I’ve heard that story. I’m scared of tape measures, whenever I retract them it’s always so cautious

1

u/Darkmoonlily78 4d ago

When I was young, stupid me grabbed a tape measurer as it was winding back up and it did slice me right between my thumb and index finger. 40 years later, I'm still very cautious about using one.

457

u/kungpowgoat 7d ago

Please tell me this is real because this is the best impression of Eric Cartman I’ve ever heard. Even better than actual deliberate impressions from other people (Except of course, Trey and Matt).

62

u/blindedbysparkles 6d ago

Am I going to hell for laughing so hard that I cried?

8

u/LemonMae 5d ago

If so then I'll see you there! 🤣

1

u/AdministrationDue239 5d ago

Man i just wish I could laugh out loud like you guys, even if I find something extremely funny I at best smile, except if I'm with my bros then everything is funny

43

u/Buri_is_a_Biscuit 7d ago

Kyle

2

u/Ho_Dang 5d ago

I heard Kyle too!

13

u/Surroundedonallsides 6d ago

Don't worry kid, I did this yesterday and I'm an "adult"

33

u/adamnevespa 6d ago

More like Gumball

23

u/Darkboi98105 6d ago

More like Darwin

48

u/Specialist-Neat-6529 7d ago

Also sounds like Darwin.

9

u/tikkitikkimango 6d ago

Haha that's exactly what he sounds like!

14

u/DomesticatedSheep 6d ago

Hey that means the voices are actually child accurate!

8

u/MustStayAnonymous_ 6d ago

HahahahahhahahwHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

8

u/scott__p 5d ago

I shouldn't have laughed so hard at that

4

u/Budget_Sugar_2422 6d ago

Sounds like a kid saying it hit me in the face. I hope not

11

u/psychoPiper 5d ago

"It came back and hit me in the face god darn it"

3

u/brildenlanch 6d ago

Stupid kid. Haha. That's what you get for trying stuff.

5

u/Henderson2026 6d ago

Play stupid games win stupid prizes

7

u/Dont_Overthink_It_77 7d ago

🤣 O man, the events were inexplicably disastrous! Who could’ve possible foreseen such a twisted state of affairs?!

13

u/Dependent_Visual_739 7d ago

Sounds like him:

9

u/PeridotChampion 7d ago

Nah. It sounds more like Clyde or Kyle.

2

u/laowildin 5d ago

Science!

2

u/DefiantFoundation66 5d ago

He definitely channeled Matt Stone for that AHHHhhh 😂

2

u/Fancy_Art_6383 5d ago

Lame duck.

2

u/OzTheD0G3 5d ago

Geez. Calm down, Gumball.

2

u/answersfollow 5d ago

OMG!! I can't breathe!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀

2

u/Lauris024 7d ago

Comment.

2

u/not-the-the 7d ago

wheres the north park tho

1

u/reuibu 5d ago

Would anyone please translate what little bro Cartman said?

1

u/Wasatcher 4d ago

"Dahhhhhhhyuhhhhhahhh! It came back and hit me in the face goddammit ahhhhh"

1

u/purblepale 5d ago

I've seen this one quite a bit, it's an oldie but a goodie.

1

u/RobinJVa1968 5d ago

Deceased 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

1

u/SNOMUNKY 5d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀

1

u/ZookeepergameBrave74 5d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/InkyToes123 5d ago

As someone who as a kid did that and had to have surgery I understand why he screamed like that

1

u/KnucklesTheEchidna03 5d ago

It went from kid voice, to Darwin Watterson, to that South Park kid

1

u/gfhksdgm2022 5d ago

That's like South Park x Minions

1

u/GABRYFIERO 5d ago

I swear I've seen this south park episode

1

u/QuickPirate36 5d ago

I was like "Mmm, I wonder where this is going, I can't think of what makes them a South Park character"

And then "Oh, they're 100% right, there's no better way to describe it"

1

u/Awashpolecat901 5d ago

TWEAK CALM THE FUCK DOWN

1

u/RedPillGuy357 5d ago

Kids are like sponges, they're going to repeat whatever their parents constantly say. Unfortunately this kid's parents drop the G.D. quite often apparently.

1

u/JackWagon885 5d ago

Comment.

1

u/ashesarise 5d ago

I swear every boy learns the hard way why you don't play with those. Unfortunate that he had to learn with is face though...

1

u/Zealousideal_Plan408 5d ago

give this kid a job on the casa bonita construction crew.

1

u/vacax 5d ago

I was a kid who had to go to the hospital for this

1

u/Darkcast1113 4d ago

Lmao maybe that will be a lide lesson of not to play with tools that aren't meant to be played with

1

u/BunnyBeansowo 4d ago

I can see Cartman doing this

1

u/Average-Anything-657 4d ago

PoV: you die in an FPS

1

u/ShellfishAhole 4d ago

Holy shit. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard 😂

1

u/SubstantialPhrase280 6d ago

Cartman really said "oh you idiot I got you started off"

-24

u/MaxGamer07 7d ago

repost

18

u/Night_Movies2 7d ago

Shut up

0

u/AngriosPL 5d ago

Mom said it's my turn to post it!!!

-22

u/baloney__1 7d ago

The title sure is funnier; in fact, perfect!

-6

u/KingOFPervertStyle 5d ago

This is your kid. Now this is what happens after your kid is exposed to so much brain rot online. Any questions?