Same. I've never been more disillusioned, Addy, heartbroken in my life. I don't know what to do with myself. How to cope watching these horrors unfold, feeling powerless and like it's not enough. I protest, donate, speak out. But it doesn't feel like enough, because nothing is changing fast enough.
The one thing that helped a little bit was a piece of advice I got from someone I know and I hope it might feel a little bit like a hug to you too
I’m just beyond the point of weeping. I’m also on anti-depressants so it’s usually really hard to produce tears anyway but even if I could. It’s come to the point where every Gazan child I see who has been maimed and malnourished just hoping for a crumb of food I feel empty and hollow. Never has something so far outside of my control taken such a toll on me. I feel anger when people complain about every day life because I can’t help but think the Palestinians have it a million times worse. Such a shitty feeling.
I shower and think about how they don't have clean water.
I use the bathroom and I think about people waiting in line with 200 people for a bathroom.
I turn on the heat and think about how they don't even have proper shelter let alone warmth.
I go to sleep and I think about how they can barely sleep with the bombs, drones, cold, crying, grief, disease, pain, stench, terror, loss, etc.
This will be a stain on our people for all time basically and we're just doubling down. It's the most horrific thing. I can't even wrap my mind around it. I don't know how to deal with it.
I wake up and go to sleep with this trauma too, and these people directly responsible for inflicting the horror aren't even my people. It affects any aware, decent human in the whole US as well -- granted, a small subset, but still -- because the US is overwhelmingly Israel's biggest weapon supplier. And if they aren't directly supplying the weapons, they're probably supplying them indirectly.
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