Identity crisis, and how can I move forward from here

[u/[deleted]]

So basically, I live in Israel. Recently, I just found out that this subreddit is a thing, and more generally, that there are a lot of Jewish people (non Israelis) who've had enough of the brainwash and lies that many of us were fed with for years. To be honest, I kind of envy you. You can speak freely about your opinions, there are probably many people around you who share the same or similar views. You have a place in community and a sense of belonging. I don't. I really have zero emotional connection to this place and what it represents. I don't want to live anymore in a society that doesn't value human life. I hate to see how people celebrate the suffer of others and enjoy it. All that hate is overwhelming to endure. I'm currently 19 and I wish there's still hope for me, but I can't help it, I feel helpless. I mean, fortunately, I'm exempted from the military because of my mental health, but contrary to what some people could perhaps expect, I don't have any other citizenship. Also, I'm afraid that I wouldn't be accepted into other societies; How would people react once they realize I'm an Israeli? I don't want to be automatically associated with all the terrible things that've happened in Gaza (or to Palestinians in general). How do I remove that identity curse from me? How can I make people realize that I'm the complete opposite of the demonic image they have in their minds?

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[u/throwawaydragon99999]

You’re only 19, you have your whole life ahead of you. You have so much to offer and so much potential, and frankly there are not many Israelis who are willing to speak out publicly about anti-Zionism. Honestly for now focus on yourself — there’s only so much a single person can do on their own, and you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to carry the whole world on your shoulders. Focus on school or your job or whatever brings you joy and gives you purpose. Focus on building yourself up to be the best that you can: build up your knowledge, your skills, and build connections with the people around you and people around the world.

If you can, consider studying in Europe or another country to see what life is like outside of Israel, talk to Jews and other people outside of Israel (I’m open if you want to DM). While you’re in Israel try to talk and make connections with Palestinians and Arabs in Israel.

Unfortunately, I don’t see this conflict being solved in our generation — I hope I’m wrong. Even so, we have to keep building and moving on — movements like these tend to take decades or centuries. The struggle against Apartheid in South Africa lasted decades (or centuries depending on your perspective), Slavery lasted 400 years in America and Civil Rights is still an ongoing battle, Jewish emancipation took millennia and in the end was mostly granted by Napoleon and other outside factors. We have to maintain hope and we have to keep building — the thousand mile journey begins with a single step.

[u/4mystuff → u/throwawaydragon99999]

Yes, this. Take care of and be kind to yourself, study abroad,find support in humanitarian or legal defense groups based in Israel, don't carry on more than you can handle, elect like-minded individuals. And I'll repeat, be kind to yourself.

[u/ContentChecker]

Hi comrade. Welcome. Glad to see you found us.

There are a lot of good people here who have been through similar feelings and some are Israeli as well.

I have an Israeli friend who did an AMA in rPalestine back when I was a mod there. They might be a good person to reach out to if you'd like to chat.

https://np.reddit.com/r/JewsOfConscience/comments/10b45lf/we_are_israeli_antizionists_communists_ask_us/

I'll DM them in case they want to chime in here.

[u/Thisisme8719]

One thing you could try is finding out if your grandparents had any European citizenship (it was common in some Sephardic countries). You might be able to get it that way if you talk to someone at their embassy.

[u/throwawaydragon99999 → u/Thisisme8719]

Unfortunately I think Spain and Portugal ended this program, but I have friends who are Algerian and Tunisian Jews who were able to get French Citizenship

[u/Thisisme8719 → u/throwawaydragon99999]

I wasn't talking about the Spanish and Portuguese program - that's done. But Jews in some countries were able to get citizenship from some European states even if they weren't from there or weren't colonies/protectorates. I know some people from my generation who were able to get citizenship in Austria, UK, Italy, or France because of their grandparents (I know I can do that with a couple of countries since a lot of my relatives did so)

[u/Pitiful_Meringue_57 → u/Thisisme8719]

ya if OP had direct family who died or survived the holocaust in Germany or Austria there r ways to get citizenship. Austria seems to have a good program that i looked into but fortunately yet for me unfortunately my family left too early to qualify

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[u/malachamavet]

one thing to remember is that, while there sadly aren't many, there *are* others who have been in your same position. There's definitely people who can give you advice and help.

Also I would say that in my experience, even some of the most anti-Zionist people are very willing to accept Jews and Israelis as separate from the state and society if they have separated from them (even if only philosophically).

Saying your passport says you are from Israel, or saying you are from occupied Palestine, etc. are very easy ways to demonstrate that distinction

[u/bearoscuro]

I don't think people would necessarily hold it against you if you emigrated. This is anecdotal, but I know a few ex-Israelis who are active in the Palestine solidarity circles in my area, and they're lovely people. One of them introduced themselves in a group (they had a very eloquently said story, to be fair), and then immediately got like 15 people walking up to shake their hand and give them hugs and talk to them. I think it is possible that you might get people who see you negatively or don't want to engage with anyone who's from Israel, but a lot of people would be likely to see it as admirable that you got out of it.

Best of luck. I don't have any advice, I can't imagine having to try and push against the tide of an entire society like you are. I hope you can stay safe and find a community somewhere. ♥

[u/Specialist-Gur → u/bearoscuro]

Yea exactly this. I think people feel so happy to meet Israelis who care about Palestinian lives and stand up for what's right.. you can't help where you were born and good people know that

[u/bassman81]

you might be over estimating the hate that other societies have for israelis, it exists in some places but you're not likely to be ostracized from society just for being from there (depending on the country of course)

you can't remove the "curse" but you can show people thru actions that you arent a zionist (solidarity work, protect palestinians in the west bank and east jerusalem, protests, support efforts to un-brainwash other israelis, move out of israel if you can afford it)

[u/adeadhead]

I'm here in israel too. There's a ton of work you can do to help Palestinians. Far more than you could do if you weren't here.

[u/eitzhaimHi]

There are Jewish communities in the US where you would be very welcome! The only way to remove the "curse" is to live a decent life, to speak up for Palestinians and continue to live Jewishly. To teach by example. Thank you for holding to your values in a place where you feel isolated.

[u/iqnux → u/eitzhaimHi]

Non-jewish ally here and i’m curious as to what you mean by “live jewishly”?

[u/eitzhaimHi → u/iqnux]

Build Jewish learning into daily life, talk with God (pray), and in the course of a day, choose actions consonant with Jewish values. For some people, this includes keeping Kosher and wearing specific garments. Apropos this thread, for me, this also includes working against the genocide and working for a political solution in which every peoples' and and individual's safety and freedom is guaranteed.

[u/Teninten]

You aren't the only one! Check out organizations like Zochrot (my fav), Standing Together, This Is Not An Ulpan, 972+ Mag, Radical Bloc Yaffa-Tel Aviv, Breaking The Silence, and so many others. In the Diaspora, there are also groups of anti-Zionist Israelis like Shoresh Action Network.

The best antidote to feeling helpless and without a community, is finding people who are doing the work, and joining!

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[u/Specialist-Gur]

Welcome!! I feel for you and know it must be scary If it's any consolation--at least here in america I don't think you should have much issue being accepted as an Israeli, particularly given who you are and how kindhearted you are! I'm sure some people might discriminate and be mean, and others may have preconceived notions about you... but idk I know many Israelis who fit in here just fine and have good experiences (yes even in liberal and progressive cities like the one I'm in!)

You're not alone and I'm hoping other Israelis will chime in here. You're so young, you have time and a great moral compass on your side

[u/acacia_tree]

You’re not alone. There are organizations you can connect with in Israel that are fighting the occupation and apartheid like Standing Together and Zochrot.

[u/hmd_ch]

It sounds like a very difficult situation to be in and I can't speak from a Jewish perspective as I'm not a Jew but I just want you to know that you're not at fault for the failing of your ancestors, family, and/or society. Just because you're born as an Israeli doesn't mean you're automatically some terrible evil human being responsible for the genocide in Gaza. And you should never shy away from your Jewish identity and associate that with Zionism as many others have sadly done. However, you have to keep in mind that being an Israeli Jew means that you're afforded certain rights and privileges that people of other identities living on that land don't have. If you can and are able to, use your privilege for good and fight for a real change in society for the benefit of Palestinians and Jews as a whole.

I would highly encourage you to connect with other anti-Zionist Jews, whether they're from Israel or not, and just speak to them about your experience. I think it also may be helpful and somewhat cathartic to get to know some Palestinians personally and understand their perspective on the whole situation.

Anyways, please take care of yourself and know that I'm with you in spirit!

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[u/newgoliath]

I'd like to help Israelis who want to leave Israel permanently.

[u/Benyano]

This might be a helpful post to read, from r/Anarchy101

[u/darps]

Also, I'm afraid that I wouldn't be accepted into other societies; How would people react once they realize I'm an Israeli? I don't want to be automatically associated with all the terrible things that've happened in Gaza (or to Palestinians in general). How do I remove that identity curse from me?

I cannot speak for others, obviously. And there are undoubtedly people who are struggling with such awful trauma at the hands of Israelis and their government that they will avoid you on principle.

But as a politically active person in Europe, I can tell you that in my communities, there's an expectation to not judge people based on where they were born. People will perk up hearing that you're Israeli; But that is not because your identity is irredeemably tainted, but out of concern over the propaganda you were exposed to and how it poisons people's minds. They would hear you out, and once it's clear that you are not there as an agitator or an advocate for illegal occupation and genocide, you would be given the same chance as anyone else.

Your life is your own. You will find a community and sense of belonging, if you dare.

[u/Pitiful_Meringue_57]

You should definitely look into ways to get residency or citizenship in other countries. Based on your age the best bet would probably be to try and study abroad. I don’t know your economic situation and surely having more money makes this easier but i atleast know in the US international students can still get financial aid at some university’s. Some other countries have pretty inexpensive universities for foreigners that u can look into. Also if u have any recent ancestry in some other countries definitely check out their citizenship by descent policies.

If u do relocate the places you will probably be able to find the best and biggest communities r gonna be countries with a significant jewish population, so definitely consider that too.

[u/AcrobaticEngineer33]

I can tell you from an Arab perspective that your fear of being rejected is well-founded, but you misunderstand how aware we are to the nuance of being a Jew vs being a zionist; and I mean a zionist in the sense of how it is practiced today (because I believe Jews should have a land of their own if they want one if they do so legally and not at the expense of others).

By simply saying you support a free Palestine and an end to the occupation, you will be accepted among us, venerated even.

The power you hold as an Israeli that stands against the apartheid is immense. This fear you have is the same I have as a Muslim living in the West; they have brainwashed us into thinking we are in danger of being ostracized for our identities and beliefs.

You are a sibling to me, and I pray you find your peace and win this struggle for intellectual and emotional freedom.

السلام عليك.

[u/pontecorvogi]

I haven’t had the chance to read other comments. I might be repeating information.

First, I work with my local Standing Together chapter in my area of North America. There is an Israeli who kind of heads all up. They have great respect, even if they (Palestinians) disagree with some of my friend’s positions. In part because my friend has sacrificed quite a bit in just doing a little advocacy, sharing their events, and their own community has shut them down quite hard. So if you can show and recognize your privilege, but you don’t showboat a supremacist view, you are fine.

Second, there is a difference between online and in-person. I find in-person people are better at recognizing that Israeli is a product of circumstance and being a Zionist is a choice.

Third, just literally be there with Palestinians or Arabs is really all you would need to do. To over-simplify it, their stories have been silenced, and if you listen and amplify their stories without interjecting your own- let theirs stand on their own. You will be fine.

We recently had an issue where some online poster called out IJV as a Zionist entity. The local Palestinian community called the group out, saying IJV has been an important ally. In part because IJV is always there with Palestinians.

[u/BarGroundbreaking862]

Doesn’t offer cassif think like you? Maybe find people who support him and see if you can build a network for yourself from his supporters?

[u/myrusernamir]

I'm sorry you feel so bad, but you can feel proud of your stance.

I'd say that any community that's worth it will accept you just the same as they would accept any other person. Bigots make much noise and win elections, but most of the people are just regular citizens willing to be on good terms with you.

You are very young, just be patient before you have some money and a nice education to move abroad, if that's your goal.

Take care and have many successes. Don't let the evil beat you.

[u/Living-Effective9987]

I think when this all hopefully one day ends. As long as you haven’t got posts on social media celebrating or advocating killing children, most people wouldn’t and from an ethical point of view shouldn’t, have hatred towards you. Especially seeing as you didn’t serve in the IDF

[u/Next-Pie5208]

I am an agnostic/ raised Catholic but I follow Jewish activists. One group that might be of help to you if you are interested in America is the Jewish Voice for Peace. Good luck.

[u/Coastalfoxes]

I'm from a country that has supported so many genocidal campaigns: of the Indigenous people here in the US, and in other countries such as Guatemala, Argentina, Chile, Indonesia, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, I could go on. Good people don't hold all of the people in a country responsible for the crimes of their government, because we think collective blame/punishment are bad things. And that should be true whether we're talking about Palestinians or Israelis. That said, I still do feel shame at the misdeeds of my country, even though I've opposed them actively since I was a teenager, so I do understand your distress. Sending you love and support, and a hope that you find some like-minded people in person or online. Be sure to take good care of your mental health.

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[u/Ok_Depth6945]

Non-Jewish ally here. Only idiots will judge you for something you have no control over, like where you were born. It's impressive to me simply that you recognize the evil your country perpetrates, given the volume of propaganda they shove down y'all's throats on the daily from cradle to grave.

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[u/Welcomefriend2023]

My heart really breaks. I thought those of us in America had it bad. I only bc fully antizionist last year, after 50 yrs of gradually going from active zionist (60s-70s) to passive zionist (80s-90s) to non-zionist (2000s) to antizionist (2023). Its been hard but in retrospect I have it much easier than most ppl here bc my family is dead. I certainly have it far easier than you.

I live in a US Jewish community that used to have lots of israelis and we grew to despise them for their supremacist, arrogant, rude attitudes. But israelis like you I would more than welcome here!

My only hesitancy in suggesting you emigrate here is the fact that we have many protestant zionists here, who are crazy and grovel at the feet of Jews (they've done it to me bc of my Jewish first/last names, and its very offputting).

If you can see yourself being chareidi, maybe join an antizionist community of theirs here in the US? Maybe contact them through http://www.torahjews.org