r/FormulaFeeders • u/PrincessKirstyn • 1d ago
My Christmas gift…
Hi all. I’m mom to a 6 month old baby girl - I was induced due to preeclampsia and never produced enough, so I formula feed. (There’s a lot more to it but it doesn’t matter)
Nothing went the way I wanted with my birth or anything - including breastfeeding. I was able to basically live glued to a pump and provide for my girly while she was in the nicu but once she came home it really made my depression worsen to keep pumping because I was losing more and more time with her. My MiL was well aware of my journey with this and how devastated I was to have to stop (if I hadn’t I honestly might not have been here today) and have a another thing go wrong.
Since my baby has been on formula and been perfectly fine and healthy and we are bonded so well!
Wellllll for Christmas I’m watching everyone get really personal gifts for Christmas from mil- I’m excited to get something for ME that I will love since I’ve kinda lost myself since having a baby… but what did I get?
A breast milk storage bag.
She wasn’t on board with me stopping and this just feels like another dig. It’s also not a brand carried in stores so she definitely went out of her way to order it.
This just hurt, and maybe it’s my hormones but it felt intentionally mean.
That’s all. Just had to get this off my chest.
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u/staphyloplasty 1d ago
People need to stop giving mom’s gifts for the baby for Christmas. This extends to mom related gifts as well, mom mugs, shirts, sweaters. Just stop. Moms are people too.
Also your MIL is a buttmunch and needs to learn where opinion is not needed or wanted. Jeebus.
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u/PrincessKirstyn 1d ago
That’s literally all I got from family - gifts invoking baby. Which extra hurts because Ive been pretty open about how I feel like I’m not a person and just an extension of my daughter to them.
Will add: my husband really did make me feel special with a new gaming set up and replacing my engagement ring and wedding band set that were lost during childbirth, so I’m very thankful for him.
She was the main reason I kept pumping despite being cleared of NEC risk while my daughter was in the nicu. She was also the one who would come and get to spend the time with my baby while I was stuck to a pump.
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u/staphyloplasty 1d ago
Glad your husband pulled through for you! Also, it’s nice she’s attached and bonding with her granddaughter, but she does realize she has zero say in how this baby is raised, right? Mind your beeswax. My son was formula fed from 2 weeks to one year and at five he’s growing like a weed, tallest kid in his class, and has above average testing scores in math and english. Tell me how formula is bad for babies?
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u/PsychologicalWill88 8h ago
Exactly as a teenager I always got my mom house stuff.. it wasn’t until I was like 21 I realized .. pots and pans, and fancy dishes were not exciting for birthdays. So I started getting her jackets, sweaters, trips, spas etc… so much better.
postpartum one of my most if not only memorable gift out of all my friends that gifted, one of my mom friends gifted me a really nice comfy robe, socks, slippers, face mask and a spa package. Vs everyone else that brought clothes for baby.
Anything for baby is not for mom. My biggest pet peeve is when a husband buys the mom a gift related to baby….. I have a post about my bottle washer and some people commented that their husbands got it for them for Christmas?? Like no. That’s a gift for himself too.. cuz he should be washing bottles too?!
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u/lew_kat08 1d ago
It’s not just your hormones, that was intentionally mean. I’d go so far as to say cruel.
Hopefully this isn’t overstepping to say how I read the above is that you made a hard choice that was necessary for your health, and in doing so you made the choice to be a present, happy mother to your baby. That’s a choice to be proud of. I’m sorry your MIL can’t see that.
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u/AKDmom0826 1d ago
My mother in law went from someone I loved and cherished before kids to someone that I could never see again and be just fine after kids. We went from seeing her and my husband’s step dad probably once a month (they live 3 hrs away) before kids to now maybe 3 times a year on purpose because we have both chosen to distance ourselves from her (my husband and I) because she brings such a negative energy to our lives. For the last two summers we have done a beach trip with her and some of my husband’s family but they always go so poorly that we have decided not to do that anymore either. It is very very okay to distance yourself from people who bring nothing positive to your life. You deciding not to breastfeed for your mental health sounds like the best thing you could have done for your baby. You are the only mom your baby is ever going to have, having you is more important that having breastmilk.
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u/magicinthetrees 21h ago
This is fucked up and would’ve made me so upset. It’s time for your husband to say something to his horrible mother. Like “why would you do this?” And then maybe she doesn’t get to see her granddaughter as often as she might want. Fuck that thoughtless bitch.
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u/thebackright 19h ago
Your MIL is a real piece of work. What a shitty thing to do to someone. I'm so sorry. I hope your husband ripped her a new one. She absolutely owes you an apology.
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u/S0ThisIsIt 17h ago
Agree with others, MIL is an asshole. That's not a gift for you at all. At best, it's a gift for the baby. Sell it and use the money to buy a face mask or a nice perfume. That's what you deserve, you're doing an amazing job! 👌🏼🥳
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u/momofchonks 15h ago
And where is your husband in all of this? He should be managing her. Both of you need to pull her aside and tell her that was incredibly rude. Then tell her if that is the kind of behavior you can expect from her in the future, that you will be limiting her contact with your daughter. If she can't treat you with respect and dignity to your face, she can't be trusted to do it in front of your daughter. And there will come a point, if you let this go, she will continue and your daughter will grow up seeing this is how mommy gets treated. She will think it's OK for you and herself.
Put a stop to it. Now.
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u/flatulent_cockroach1 10h ago
It’s ok babe. MILs are largely assholes 😂 there a few lucky ones out there that have amazing ones but it seems rare haha.
You’re doing what’s best for you and your child and that’s all that matters.
Happy bonding mama❤️
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u/Vegetable_Collar51 1d ago
I’m sorry that your MIL is so insensitive, mine is too. I have a mass in my nipple that will result in surgical removal (of the whole nipple), and my MIL keeps pushing breastfeeding as well. Baby isn’t even here yet and she says stuff like “just use the other one!”.
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u/Numerous_Pudding_514 15h ago
Do we have the same MIL? My baby is also 6 months old, and I never produced enough breast milk so I stopped at 2 months and went to formula only. My MIL constantly reminds me how she breastfed for an entire year with each of her boys, how she’d leak any time she heard another baby cry, etc., and then turns around and tells me “well I guess it’s ok that you formula feed but you could have kept trying.” My baby was starving without formula, but sure I could have kept trying.
My MIL also thinks she’s my baby’s mother, so there’s that separate issue.
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u/LastAd2811 1d ago
Not hormones, your MIL is an asshole and even if you were breastfeeding, why would you want a storage bag as a CHRISTMAS gift??? wtf.