r/Eldenring • u/The-Real-Wooper • Nov 01 '24

Humor Describe an Elden Ring boss really badly, and I’ll guess who you’re describing.

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6.2k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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1.9k

u/Pure-Disciplinesouls Nov 01 '24

My 600 pound life

842

u/Abject_Muffin_731 Nov 01 '24

Fuck that guy, especially the one in volcano manor... Unless u mean a dragon cuz those mfs are probably heavy as hell

335

u/Physical-Dig4929 Nov 01 '24

Dragons are above 600 pounds

256

u/Gregariouswaty Nov 01 '24

Most bosses are above 600 pounds.

-4

u/rxz1999 Nov 02 '24

Thats the point ur supposed to badly describe a boss duhhhh

54

u/Abject_Muffin_731 Nov 01 '24

No kidding. "My 600lb life" is usually to refer to someone being large in size, not being exactly 600 lbs

24

u/Jasonkim87 Nov 01 '24

They’re actually over 9000

11

u/FnB8kd Nov 02 '24

No, this scouter is broken.

0

u/EROxANIME Nov 02 '24

Shattered, even

0

u/FnB8kd Nov 02 '24

Shut up, Nappa, you know what I mean.

In my head (Shattered does make more sense, being that it's eldenring, but I'm not telling that buffoon Nappa he had a good idea for once)

35

u/Pererogatist Don't hug ghost ladies, you might end up fighting a dragon Nov 01 '24

I'm level 66 and I still struggle with Volcano manor noble immensely. Furthest I got was 40% health

26

u/Abject_Muffin_731 Nov 01 '24

Marionette archers are pretty good at trading aggro and building up stance break

2

u/blutrache666 Nov 01 '24

Those were my early game go to. Great stagger too on a lot of bosses.

-1

u/CHLDM Nov 01 '24

I'd imagine the best spirits would be Tiche for her damage (although idk if Alecto is a reasonable fight for that level) or Dung Eater who's generally very good

7

u/Abject_Muffin_731 Nov 01 '24

If someone is struggling with godskin noble in VM i'd be impressed if they can pick up tiche by then. I suggested archers cuz it's easily accessible and is helpful without just soloing the boss for them, forcing them to still learn some mechanics and improve

7

u/wantondavis Nov 01 '24

Man shouts out two of the best spirits that are a fight to get in and of themselves lol

0

u/CHLDM Nov 01 '24

I've never found the dung eater fight that hard and all you need to access it is getting into Leyndell

6

u/wantondavis Nov 01 '24

I mean, you still gotta do a number of steps in dung eater and seluvis' quests, and deal with the sewers for a while, pain in the butt imo

2

u/InvisibleManakin Nov 01 '24

Sleep that chub and stab till dead

2

u/Professional_Map5514 Nov 01 '24

Wanna summon me?

1

u/Pererogatist Don't hug ghost ladies, you might end up fighting a dragon Nov 02 '24

I play on ps5, is that okay?

2

u/McDaddySlacks Nov 02 '24

Wow, not sure how these comments missed it, but sleep pots. It makes the fight a cake walk.

1

u/Pererogatist Don't hug ghost ladies, you might end up fighting a dragon Nov 02 '24

I messed up the sleep pots many times but finally beat him today

2

u/McDaddySlacks Nov 02 '24

Awesome. Yeah, at first you gotta learn how many it takes to get them asleep. Once you find that out, it's easier.

2

u/Thezza-D Nov 02 '24

Tbf that's pretty low level for that area.

1

u/Pererogatist Don't hug ghost ladies, you might end up fighting a dragon Nov 02 '24

It is? I got there via the abductor virgin in Raya Lucaria Academy

2

u/Thezza-D Nov 02 '24

It's kinda a mid-late game area. You can go there earlier but it will be harder than if you do it 50 levels later

1

u/Pererogatist Don't hug ghost ladies, you might end up fighting a dragon Nov 02 '24

What are the other ways of accessing it?

2

u/Thezza-D Nov 02 '24

You can access Mt Gelmir via Volcano Manor, by going from Altus to the large volcano to the West. Or you can do the warp that you did, but this is kinda a secret for new players

2

u/Difficult-Spirit3808 Nov 02 '24

Dont go hollow. You'll get em. It took me about 6 rounds with him. I had to be calm and literally watch everything he does. The openings are there. You just gotta patiently wait for them.

2

u/Pererogatist Don't hug ghost ladies, you might end up fighting a dragon Nov 03 '24

Took me 15 but I beat him!

2

u/Cautious-Camel-7894 Nov 02 '24

If you got to 40% health you can get it done. Just play around pillars so you can force his roll into it once you have the distance to the Pillar so you don't get hit your good. For me that sas the hardest part of the fight. But at 40% you know pretty much everything about the fight so it's just practice.

1

u/Pererogatist Don't hug ghost ladies, you might end up fighting a dragon Nov 03 '24

Thanks!

2

u/Cautious-Camel-7894 Nov 03 '24

Anytime hope you get it! Honestly the struggle creates the good players so your doing great imo lol.

1

u/GGeesus Nov 01 '24

Try sleep

1

u/Odd_Ingenuity2883 Nov 01 '24

Sleep pots or grease. Works great.

1

u/DNRhere1 Nov 01 '24

Try sleep pots and bleed weapons

1

u/Nebris_art Nov 01 '24

I was very surprised by his kit, so annoying. I decided to stay far away when he starts doing random shit at half his life and spam black fire balls. Very randomly at my 6th try he died and I wasn't even trying that much. Fuck that dude.

1

u/SebsG Nov 01 '24

Sleep pots my friend

1

u/Pererogatist Don't hug ghost ladies, you might end up fighting a dragon Nov 02 '24

I messed them up now I have none left and can't craft more

40

u/Momongus- 🌞 Nov 01 '24

Godskin noble slander will not be tolerated

82

u/Abject_Muffin_731 Nov 01 '24

I cant hear u im being crushed under the 6 hour long fat roll

23

u/Momongus- 🌞 Nov 01 '24

Try plump sort ahead

5

u/Pristine_Pop4798 Nov 01 '24

try fingers but hole

1

u/jacksparrow19943 Nov 01 '24

just get hit by it, it only stops when you get hit ... (I could be wrong here, but for me it did, and I dodged for a minute or so)

2

u/Abject_Muffin_731 Nov 02 '24

It stops on its own, it just has an incredibly long timer

1

u/jacksparrow19943 Nov 02 '24

never really noticed bro

1

u/BLACK_MILITANT Nov 01 '24

They're pretty damn easy to me. Idk why ppl hate them do much

2

u/Kitchen-Island45 "Marika's tits!" Nov 01 '24

godskins

93

u/real_godskin_noble IO Nov 01 '24

Words hurt you know

79

u/XxCloudyBubblexX Nov 01 '24

Godskin Noble.

29

u/NoGoodGodGames Nov 01 '24

Godskin noble is always 2 spins ahead.

18

u/hornplayerchris Nov 01 '24

This might be a dumb question, but are the Godskin Nobles actually fat or are they just wearing thicker layers of God Skin than the Apostles?

48

u/real_godskin_noble IO Nov 01 '24

I have big bones, okay

2

u/mal4576 Nov 02 '24

Its the outfit the noble i dont think is actually that big

2

u/Difficult-Spirit3808 Nov 02 '24

I think thicker robes, plus I personally think their part Lizard, with the tail thing going on there.

2

u/UpstairsOk1328 Nov 01 '24

Hopefully someone actually answers the question instead of giving another dumb answer

1

u/Roofie_Laced_Dildo Nov 02 '24

Nobles are the most ancient apostles who are said to have assimilated inhuman physiology. Not unlike the crucible, the Erdtree in its primordial form.

Yes they really ate just

2

u/catzarrjerkz Nov 02 '24

OP said describe a boss, not most of us Tarnished

1

u/PreparationWinter174 Nov 01 '24

I managed to get the one at Liurnia tower to yeet himself off the bridge with his roll attack.

1

u/chadlake Nov 01 '24

Godskin Noble.

1

u/lsd-man Nov 01 '24

Godskin noble

1

u/Tereanoch Nov 01 '24

Godskin Fatty

1

u/UltmitCuest Nov 01 '24

Covetous demon

1

u/Flyingdemon666 FLAIR INFO: SEE SIDEBAR Nov 01 '24

Godskins Nobles are annoying.

1

u/GG-679 Nov 01 '24

Inferior measurement system

Kilograms ftw

1

u/drinkweedsmokeanime Nov 01 '24

ngl i thought of Erdtree Avatars before the Noble

1

u/jacksparrow19943 Nov 01 '24

godskin noble?

1

u/Riton226 Nov 02 '24

godskin noble?

1

u/Cpt_Doom_Sgt_Gloom Nov 02 '24

I always get hit with that roll move

1

u/mal4576 Nov 02 '24

Caseoh lookin godskin noble

1

u/Houdaifads3 Nov 02 '24

he means godskin duo

1

u/Just_Rice_3733 Nov 02 '24

Gotta be the fire stealer in the evergoal

1

u/Weird_Troll Nov 02 '24

covetous demon ahh

1

u/Former_Engineer1303 Nov 02 '24

The fat rolling guy forgot his name.

1

u/ThatOneG00f Nov 02 '24

hate that guy fr

1

u/WheelQueasy6325 Nov 03 '24

godskin noble

1

u/iiiams Nov 03 '24

Godskin