r/DoesAnybodyElse • u/Winter-Owl1 • 22h ago
DAE have a fear of using things?
For example, I'll have a candle but hardly ever burn it because I want it to last.
I'll be enjoying a book but then slow down on reading it because I don't want it to be over.
I'll get a craft kit but put off making it because then I won't get to make it anymore lol.
I'm not a hoarder btw, I actually lean pretty minimalist. And it's not like a money issue, I could afford to replace things as I use them. I just love the 'looking forward to this thing' feeling so much that sometimes it prevents me from actually enjoying the thing.
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u/mle0406 22h ago
You're not alone. I have a ridiculous collection of stickers/decals that I haven't stuck to anything because I don't want to "use" them. Most of them are associated with a memory, trip, etc.
I lost my partner in 2021, which changed my outlook about using certain things. (More expensive perfume and candles are two things I can think of off the top of my head that have already been mentioned.) Some things, though...I hang on to them.
Out of curiosity, did you grow up in a household where scarcity was an issue? I did not, but I struggled mightily with poverty in my 20s/30s. I suspect this may play a role in my mindset.
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u/Winter-Owl1 22h ago
I'm sorry for your loss. Yes, I grew up in total poverty. We had almost no furniture, went to foodbanks, etc. That is probably where it comes from!
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u/hauntedfollowing 21h ago
I have this issue too, and for me it definitely stems from childhood. If I had a toy with batteries and played with it, my mom would tell me not to use up the batteries because we can't afford to replace them. Or if I were to use a toy too much until it breaks or finish a coloring book, being told they won't be replaced. Now that I have a daughter of my own, I'm happy to let her use her battery toys without anxiety!
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u/remoteabstractions 9h ago
I'm working to unlearn the scarcity mindset too and it's hard! Def from childhood and growing up with the recession. I've wasted so many things because I either didn't use it or I need to have a lot of something to feel like it's okay to use. For example, I won't cook a package of spaghetti unless I have at least one extra. It's costed me a lot throughout my life and I've wasted so much - like that second package of spaghetti going bad.
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u/jenniferlynne08 8h ago
OMG I do this with food products ALL the time. I want to “save” it and then I accidentally “save” things until they go bad.
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u/mle0406 22h ago
Thanks for your kind words.
I have experienced much change and growth over the past three years, mainly for the better. This habit has changed for me, and I don't think I necessarily recognized it until I read your post.
Scarcity/poverty in childhood and young adulthood is a factor, for sure. When you don't know when you'll have your next (insert thing here) or where it'll come from, there is undoubtedly a tendency to hold on to what you have.
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u/Vast_Reflection25 13h ago
My whole life I have saved up stickers, movie stubs, tickets, but always lost them because I never had a place for them. I met someone a couple years ago now who I have since lost contact with, but they had books upon books of EVERYTHING. Stickers, photos, receipts, drawings. They gave me an empty sketchbook for Christmas a couple years ago and I’m almost done with it now! I finally have a place for all my stickers! The journaling subreddit helped with inspiration at times too. I’m technically using the stickers but at least I’m saving them as well! And now I have some old stickers that are from things that no longer exist, and I find that really cool that I now have a place for them.
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u/Dandibear 22h ago edited 8h ago
I used to be this way, but then I realized how much of that stuff isn't as good anymore after a while, or gets broken, or doesn't appeal as much as it used to. Meanwhile life is happening at an alarming rate.
So now I use the things and strive to savor every moment.
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u/Deepthroat_Your_Tits 22h ago
Yes actually, mostly with video games and books, as you said not wanting the story to end
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u/sweetfaerieface 21h ago
Yes, I do this too. I turned 70 tomorrow and I’m trying to not do that anymore. I need to enjoy the things that are in my life now.
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u/chase_road 21h ago edited 10h ago
I actually waste a lot of food this way, I’ll buy “special” things and take my time with them only to find it has turned bad or gone stale before I go back 🙄 I also have trouble opening things like cheese (for example) until I know I can get to the store for my “back up” cheese (just certain things i don’t want to be out of)
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u/aliara 21h ago
My entire childhood I never finished my Halloween candy or my chocolate Easter bunny cuz I wanted to save them... and then they went bad lol.
I hardly ever finish video games cuz I don't want them to be over... but end up just never finishing them or playing them again.
It's a problem lol.
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u/Winter-Owl1 8h ago
Same here with candy and video games. I STILL haven't finished the storyline in Animal Crossing New Horizons and at this point, I've kind of lost interest so probably never will. Funny how by trying to preserve things, we end up wasting them.
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u/wegetitimdumb 21h ago
yes!! i just got a new purse for christmas and can’t make myself use it because i’m excited to use it weirdly enough. i don’t want the newness to wear off. i’m bad about that with body sprays, good food, new clothes, and a whole buttload of other things. if i buy something, it stays in the bag for a real long time.
i thought this was only a me thing so i’m glad i don’t feel insane now. it’s a little bit irritating at times though.
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u/Direct-Detective9271 21h ago
Yes. I really enjoy anime, and I won’t fucking finish any anime show. I’ll leave the last two or so episode unwatched because once it’s done… it’s done. Why am I like this ):
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u/dawnGrace 20h ago
One of my dearest friends just released her first book, a memoir. I plowed through up to the last chapter which took me two weeks to be able to start.
You are absolutely not the only one.
I have to constantly remind myself that these are my things (lotion, makeup, anything that runs out) and I am allowed to use them to the very last drop.
You are also allowed.
(Why are we like this?)
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u/AdBright2073 22h ago
Yes!!! What diagnosis is this? Lol. I’m trying so hard to use up the things I have so I can downsize the clutter. It’s ridiculous
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u/Negative-Yam5361 11h ago
Not everything has to be diagnosed, jfc. This is just a problem unique to mass consumerism.
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u/cinnafury03 20h ago
Yes. All the things I love. The foods I eat. Even music. Got to ration and enjoy only on the best of days... wouldn't want to grow tired of them.
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u/reidontsleep 14h ago
When I was a kid, someone gave me strawberry-scented stationery for my birthday. I would occasionally open the box to smell it but never wrote a letter because I was afraid of “messing it up.”
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u/RkeCouplesTherapist 13h ago
Yes, I have had a tendency to overly conserve things since I was a child. My Halloween candy used to go stale.
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u/Avantasian538 12h ago
There's a chance you die tomorrow. Go experience those things. Then when they're done, you can move onto something else. But your current mindset is not healthy.
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u/CautiousRestaurant11 21h ago
Yes I do this literally the time with everything lol especially candles, beauty products, books and tv shows!
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u/latruce 18h ago
Yes, I bought an RG40XXH and a R36S (retro gaming handhelds like a Gameboy/PSP) that turned out to be a clone. I already changed the micro SD cards to legit ones, but I never play it in fear that it’ll break. Instead I play the clone (fake) R36S and I play it a lot without caring if it breaks.
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u/greenheartchakra 15h ago
Definitely used to have this issue, even flirting with hoarding tbh. It's mostly gone for me now, but this came from dealing with major life loss and thus grappling with the fleeting nature of happiness, the fleeting nature of everything
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u/majesticalexis 13h ago
OMG I have half a bottle of perfume I got like 20 years ago because I’m making it last. LOL!
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u/Low_Struggle7709 9h ago
When I was 9, I bought this packet of really beautiful and unique Barbie stickers (not expensive). I always dreamed of putting them up on my wardrobe or in my journal, but never used them because then they would be “over” or “finished”. And then you know what happened? I grew up. I STILL have those stickers back at my parents’ house, untouched. After this realisation, I started using everything I had. Because if I keep putting it off, maybe it won’t mean as much to me in the future as it does now.
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u/d1ckw33dmcgee 5h ago
When I play fallout or Skyrim I hold on to all the stimpaks and potions and then have like 500 at the end of the story and never use them
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u/Sp1kefallSteve 11h ago
Depends on the item in question, if it was a pop figurine of some kind. Yeah, I'd be hesitant to open it. But books and craft kits, I'd use whatever item I got.
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u/Abyss_staring_back 8h ago
Not really. I like things to "achieve" their reason for existing, and most things can only do that by being used for their purpose. So, I burn the candles, and wear the perfume, and read the books. It's what that thing was created for.
You're helping it achieve it's ultimate purpose!
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u/Omar-kennedy-4374 6h ago
When I buy new clothes, I would not wear them for a long time for no reason other than wanting them to stay clean and fresh, because for me, when you wear something new and put it in laundry, it would never be like it was at first again.
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u/Ellecram 28m ago
I've been this way all my life on and off.
I was raised by parents who grew up in the Depression era so I think it stems from that influence.
I'm mostly better these days but I still regress at times.
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u/SuddenInfluenza 22h ago
Yuuuup I gotta chronic fear of using condoms. My wife wants to divorce because she's afraid cuz i always go in raw like that. but hyuck what does she know. i don't wanna wrap my willy in a lil blanket just cuz uh some STDs. be a cold day in Hell
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u/Winter-Owl1 22h ago
lmao I hope this is a joke.
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u/SuddenInfluenza 16h ago
buddy i been hopin the same thing but she always sayin no to some good fuckin sex brother
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u/Bosonstime 21h ago
Yah when I visit my child they’re complete cleaning nazis. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom, afraid to take my time to eat so I eat smaller portions to hurry the fuck yo. I am afraid if I don’t hurry up and do the damn dishes she will start giving me a lecture I’m like I’m glad I’m. It there for Christmas little witch!
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u/saltandsaline 22h ago
Yep. I was gifted a perfume I wanted for ages and I barely even wear it because i don’t want it to run out