r/DoesAnybodyElse • u/HumblePie02 • 1d ago

DAE always lack mental energy? Genuine excitement?

I don’t mean in the literal sense where you’re tired. But like nothing is exciting. You have little emotional energy towards anything - even stuff you enjoy. Nothing has meaning or matters so I remember very little. There’s no emotional attachment to most things.

This is a lifetime of feeling like this. Like any emotion I experience is superficial and doesn’t connect to my brain. I’ve taken antidepressants previously when depression took hold during a rough time and it brought me back to how I feel now. But I never really experience energizing emotional responses.

People give someone a gift and they’re all “omg thank you!!” And excitedly hug them or something. I have to fake most of that similar type of energy because it’s what everyone else seems to be like. Internally I’m just “oh, cool.” But outwardly I have to be smiling with a sincere appreciation and admiration of the gift. Even if I genuinely like the gift.

It’s all a facade. A mask. And now I’m not sure what’s considered normal or not. If I’m mentally delayed. Or clinically depressed. A self-involved cunt. Is it normal to be faking genuine excitement, the kind you can feel in your heart and mind? Is that even a real thing or something I just assume people experience? I get glimmers of that occasionally. But typically my default emotion for everything is “meh.”

Thoughts?

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u/zyq9 1d ago

Sounds like depression. Why not see a mental health professional?

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u/HumblePie02 1d ago

I’ve kind of always been like this. As far as I can recall at least. In my youth I had the physical energy like a coked up toddler but still lacked the mental energy - not really paying attention to anything. It feels like my brain needs to “wake up.” It’s always been on autopilot. I learned to mimic other’s energy during conversations in order to appear like I understood or cared. Meet everyone where they’re at. It’s made me extremely patient and understanding to a fault and, as my friends joke, “always consenting.”

I’ve wanted to but can’t afford the cost. Seeing what therapists charge per visit hasn’t really been in my budget. Went to a marriage counselor years ago and it was $125/visit. Marriage ended anyhow. For the best. But that was wrecking my finances to do that once a week.

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u/gailmerry66 1d ago

Family doctors can diagnose and treat depression plus it can be a condition one has from childhood. Happy, happy is a hit of dopamine. How one gets that is individual. Keep working on you.

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u/zyq9 1d ago

I dunno it sounds to me like you're just making excuses to not get help. This really sounds like depression - that can develop at any age. But it also could be a number of other things. The only way to find out is to get professional help or at the very least, a diagnosis from a professional.

Marriage counseling and psychiatry are very different things so you honestly shouldn't really compare them. Find a place your insurance covers or helps cover. Some places require a doctor's referral just because of the amount of people they serve. A lot of places also have a sliding scale for payment that only goes to a certain amount based on your income.

Anyway, there's ways to get the help you need, you just have to put the work in. Start by talking to your doctor about it if you don't want to dive right into psychiatry.

If you really care about how you're feeling/acting, I suggest taking the steps to find a psychiatrist right for you. Sometimes the first one you get isn't right for you. Sometimes you have to try multiple different meds. But you do have to put work in yourself. Better mental health takes commitment and care and it is definitely a process.

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u/HumblePie02 1d ago

I appreciate candidness. Thank you.

Honestly I hadn’t even considered it being a “thing” until maybe 10 years ago when I started actually wondering if my non-genuine emotional responses were normal. And only about the last 5 years realizing it’s probably not normal. Because it’s been my normal. I’ve been spending more time with my brother and seeing how excited he seems to genuinely get towards things he’s passionate about made me really question my own emotions a lot more.

I’ll poke my doctor. She and I have already discussed my prior depression that was extremely noticeable comparative to my normal (temporary during stressful circumstances that have since ended). But it might be time for a therapist.

Appreciate your thoughts.

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u/zyq9 9h ago

No problem. I went through similar and didn't get help/diagnosed for depression, anxiety and OCD until almost 30yo. It makes a difference. Hopefully you start feeling even more normal, even for you, soon. :) Good luck

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u/GoLionsJD107 1d ago

Sometimes definitely

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u/onepurplegecko 8h ago

Have you tried medication like modafinil (provigil)? Or prescribed low dose stimulants? What you explained is how I feel without one of these medications. I feel flat...like nothing excites me. It doesn't matter if dinner Is lobster and steak or a peanut butter and jelly on stale bread...I felt the same lack of excitement about both. When I am on a low dose stimulant from the dr I actually feel normal. I used to think it was depression, and I do think I became depressed because of feeling this way but all the various antidepressants and doses and combos etc I took none helped me stop feeling this way. I gained a lot of weight from all the various antidepressants and also felt like the antidepressants were making things worse. The dr prescribed me phentermine to kick start some weight loss...omg the 1st day on it i felt amazing. I felt talkative and engaged socially. The dr wasn't comfortable prescribing me phentermine long term but we do cycle through other stimulants and doses etc and it has sure improved my mental energy and ability to feel excitement.

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u/HumblePie02 3h ago

I’ve not tried low dose stimulants though I have been thinking about it more recently as a possible option. Sertraline has been the only prescribed medication I’ve taken so far and I stopped taking it about a year ago. It only brought me back to my normal state. Maybe I needed a higher dosage. I take multivitamins every day, eat relatively healthy most of the time, work is physical so I get exercise every day. Suppose I could use more water. Oops.

I’m so glad you found something that works for you! It has to be absolutely gutting to keep trying and trying different meds. I’ll be reaching out to my doctor soon to discuss giving therapy and potentially medication a try.

Thanks for the insight. Take care!