r/DoesAnybodyElse • u/hoperaines • 17h ago
Does Anybody Else have a hard time being around people that can’t be quiet?
After long days, I just want to go home and rest. My current roommate talks to himself constantly. Loudly. So loud that if I try to get into a movie or show, I can’t hear all of it. He paces back and forth talking to himself about different things. I wear headphones when out in public because I just want to be with my own thoughts. I just don’t tolerate constant talking very well. When I want to journal or meditate I have to go in my car or drive to a parking lot to get peace and quiet. Working on my living situation so I can live alone. Asking for quiet doesn’t work. I just think that at some point in life you should be able to be quiet.
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u/Impressive-Chair-959 16h ago
I lived with a roommate who narrated her whole life including frequent sighs. It stole my peace. On the plus side I never had to guess what she thought about me. I could HEAR her thoughts.
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u/crazyt2021 16h ago
I feel your pain as I have a coworker that interrupts my thoughts frequently with inane small talk. If I had a chatterbox at home...I might get ear plugs and just isolate. In some cases I think they often need to be provided attention, in order to feel they exist. Best of luck with you patience, sorry to hear about it.
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u/gaya2081 15h ago
I love my husband but he is very loud and also likes to talk to himself out loud when he is working through problems. I actually ended up getting him a decimal meter so he could pay attention to when he is being loud and not realizing it and that has made a huge difference.
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u/flyinthesoup 15h ago
Oooh when my husband is on the phone he starts pacing everywhere and it really disturbs me. It's like he interrupts my vibe lol. I get nervous and anxious just having him pace near me. It bothers me way less if he gets loud, I almost don't even care, but the physical movement is no bueno. Not sure why it bothers me so much.
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u/picabo123 13h ago
I used to pace when expecting/receiving calls from my mother when I was a child, now I anxiously pace out of habit even if it's just a chill phone call. I'm sure you know your spouse much better than me but it's possible that it's a nervous "tick" or whatever you wanna call it. Is it possible to have him pace somewhere else like outside or another room?
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u/flyinthesoup 13h ago
We live in a townhouse so we have two floors, he kindly moves to a different one as to not disturb me. We've been married to each other long enough to know our quirks and to not step on each other's toes if we can avoid it, all from a place of love and acceptance of the little things we really can't change about each other. I can't help that it bothers me, but I won't get angry at him. That'd be stupid and cause strife for nothing.
He says the pacing helps him concentrate on the conversation. He says he's always done it and can't really say why, just that it works. He is quite passive otherwise, it's not like he can't stay still like a hyperactive kid, I could never be married to someone like that. He just does it while talking over the phone lol. It is what it is!
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u/Knowthembythefruit 15h ago
I couldn’t agree more! My husband talks incessantly. If I go to my bed and wanna play a game or watch tv, or even just doom scroll, he comes in every 5 minutes to say something. I like quiet. I have turned on closed captioning so I can follow my tv shows. Ugh!
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u/killer_sheltie 14h ago
I can’t stand people chattering on. I joke that if anyone’s within 20 feet of my mom, she has to be talking at them non-stop. It drives me nuts!
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u/dat-truth 15h ago
Ask for a quiet hour. Just one hour so you can unwind your body and brain. Keep having that conversation over and over until they relent. If they complain that you keep talking about it, sigh and tell them that is exactly how you feel.
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u/Cultural_Job_5854 14h ago
Your not alone. One of my housemates will stand right next to me super close and just talk to me about himself (not to be rude but his life is boring) until I'm able to escape. Worst part is its always when I'm Trying to cook something and he's also alot taller than me which doesn't help 😂
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u/Queasy-Actuator-1274 14h ago
I’ve asked someone on a long road trip if they ever shut up and that silence was golden. I couldn’t take it anymore.
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u/GloriousSteinem 13h ago
I am usually introverted but on road trips I get nervous and chatter in case I’m not talking enough or get uncomfortable with silence. Someone said I didn’t have to and I was so relieved.
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u/ConcreteKeys 11h ago
Yes. People who think out loud steal the silence so that you can't think peacefully for yourself. You then spend extra brain energy constantly zoning them out and then they get mad that you never listen to them.
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u/CalmFennel7852 15h ago
Yes but then I realized I am autistic 🫣
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u/Smooth-Fig-1031 15h ago
Especially on the phone when someone talks so much you don't even get a chance to butt in.
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u/nofun-ebeeznest 13h ago
Yes! I like my peace and quiet and I'm not much of a talker. At least I can take out my hearing aid (but that doesn't always help, especially if the person insists that you listen to them).
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u/Low_Veterinarian_299 13h ago
I have the same problem. I avoid people when I can (loud people and quiet people) and when I cant I have to lock myself in my studio for hours to forget their noise. I'm so crazy that an extrovert could be next me in silence and i'd think their energy is loud
Another one for me is, people who doom scroll with the volume up next to you.. ABSOLUTELY NOT. I ask them to put the volume down and are met with. I lIvE HErE ToO.... I feel you
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u/notyourmama827 13h ago
Yes I do. I don't have to talk every second of the day. I'm sitting in silence and it's so nice.
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u/hoperaines 13h ago
Silence is so nice! I plan to get a hotel room in a few weeks. I just need some peace
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u/Amazing-Nebula-2519 13h ago
I totally do hate being forced to be with constantly insistently: Loud, Yelling, questions, loud radios, loud talking, people
Some folks DELIBERATELY making noise, yelling, loud radios, etc , when there is NO possible need to do so
Some people get angry if we workers children etc ask them to please stop forcing their LOUD noise upon us
Some people insist upon the rights to Forced-sleep-deprive both Day-Shift-Workers and Night-Shift-Workers
Some folks DELIBERATELY inflicting bad Ear Pain by noise, they know they are hurting and do it anyways
Such invasive perpetually LOUD people are a curse and a burden upon the world and should NOT exist
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u/Amazing-Nebula-2519 13h ago
And please do NOT telling us to "use earplugs"; they do NOT work
I spent over $60 on earplugs and followed the enclosed instructions
They did NOT block out noise
They caused Ear Pain
WORTHLESS
I was scammed
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u/Blitzkrieg404 13h ago
I can't get along with people that talk a lot. Period. Never did. I like people that get to the point quickly.
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u/Gblob27 9h ago
Being an unwilling audience for someone’s inability to limit chatter is abuse, to me.
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u/codydrift 5h ago
My boss is this way. Its actually a joke around the office of people getting trapped with him. Ive saved two people on separate occasions by going and pulling them for some "project"
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u/Picklejuice26- 13h ago
I am very introverted and I have an extremely hard time with this as well. I’m an only child ( maybe that’s why ) and I’m in my first year of uni. My roommate is also extremely loud. She is overall a good person with good intentions but she isn’t someone I would be friends with. She has boys and friends over 24/7 and are always loud. If she doesn’t have friends over she’s calling them and still almost screaming at the top of her lungs. When her and I are doing homework she is still sooo loud when I’m a foot away from here. About a month ago I ended up sitting her down and having a conversation with her. Saying that she needs to clean up more and lower her tone. I told her that I’ll put headphones in or put on a movie and I can still hear her. I told her that I can’t focus on my studies when she is obnoxiously loud. She said she would work on it and she still does it but it has gotten a bit better. I do plan on having another conversation with her soon saying that I can see the progress she has made but to continue to work on it. I would try to have a conversation with your roommate when you are calm and collected.
I hope this helps if not know that you are not alone. sending lots of love
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u/hoperaines 13h ago
I have tried this but it doesn’t last. Most of the time I don’t think he knows he’s doing it. Even in the car when I drive. I listen to audiobooks and he will watch videos without headphones so the audiobook is competing with the video. It’s my car and the audiobook is playing through the speakers. Same thing if it’s music playing. He doesn’t consider anyone other than himself. It’s just frustrating
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u/Amazing-Nebula-2519 13h ago
Nobody should be FORCED to live with other people
Everyone should be able-to/allowed to live ALONE regardless of their race gender income and
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u/4terrasen 8h ago
Yes. It takes nothing to make me irritated with someone who talks too much. Some days all it takes is opening their mouth and I’m annoyed. Thats usually reserved for my sister though she’s really irritating😆
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u/OrbicularLotus 5h ago
Only all the time. The cherry on top is when they interrupt you when you try to speak.
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u/codydrift 5h ago
Oh. My. Gosh. This! I had to drop two former friends who were very emotionally immature and toxic (but thats another story) and would constantly need to keep conversation so they wouldnt have to sit with their own thoughts. Sure i like to hang and talk with friends, but i dont think there needs to be filled silence all the time. Really had enough of one of the friends when she said that sitting in silence was shallow and she didnt need anymore shallow people. I honestly think that if you can sit in a room in silence with another person (while doing separate things like reading, being on your phone, or watching tv) and enjoy yourselves, thats one of the deepest levels of connection and comfort.
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u/SenseOfTheAbsurd 5h ago
People who can't stop yapping stress me out so much. My primary attitude for my whole life is that I'd like everybody to STFU, go away, and leave me alone to read.
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u/Shot_Chemistry4721 9h ago
I consider constant talking to oneself to be a mental disorder, and I don’t care if all the yappers out there disagree with me.
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u/LurkLurkleton 13h ago
Yes I have trouble being around myself. I wish I had a way to seal my mouth shut that isn't visible to others.
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u/almo2001 6h ago
It's difficult for me. Though I try to have sympathy for them, and try not to be weird about it.
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u/cocoabeach 5h ago
I am your nightmare. The sound of silence would hurt my head as much, if not more, than my constant talking would hurt yours. My wife loves me, but even she sometimes rolls her eyes and asks for a moment of peace.
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u/Salt_Description_973 16h ago
I can’t stand those people. It drives me absolutely nutty. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing but I had a roommate in uni from the US who couldn’t handle any silence. Even during movies she’d just talk and talk. It felt like my brain couldn’t relax around her