r/Documentaries • u/Moody_Immortal_1 • Jul 10 '15
Anthropology Letting Go (2012) teens with learning disabilities moving into adulthood and parents trying to manage it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T7liH44k3488
u/-NightmareHippieGirl Jul 10 '15
My older brother has disabilities. He is approaching 40, still living at home with a job he goes to 2x a week. I have known for my whole life that he will end up being my responsibility when our parents are gone. So, my main goal is to have a house big enough for my family of 4, as well as an attached apartment for him. Lately, my mom has been having some pretty serious medical issues to the point of giving me co-guardianship of him. It is very scary and I often hope that he dies before me...
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Jul 10 '15
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u/NectarineOverPeach Jul 10 '15
If you have home-based therapy resources in your community you could get therapists to work with you guys to increase safety and independent living skills in the context of every day life. It's less like "therapy" and more "skill building" and mentoring.
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u/underapepper Jul 10 '15
Wow, again my situation is so similar. Im the younger brother of a 21 year old sibling with Aspergers and severe learning disabilities. He has rejected the idea of adulthood and wants to live life with no responsibilities. I get so bogged down in this that I forget that other people have the same feelings. I too dread the day for when my parents pass and the responsibility transfers.
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u/-NightmareHippieGirl Jul 10 '15
My brother also has Autism/Aspergers type disability. I forget the actual name of it. He is almost 40, but perpetually 16 or so. Funny story.. The other day my mom asks my husband to go check on Jays (brother) television, because the remotes werent working. Well, come to find out, Jay had panicked because he ordered over $100 of porn and subscribed to the playboy channel. So in an effort to destroy the evidence he just kept pushing buttons until he locked himself out. When he got found out , the look on his face made me lose it. Laughed so hard I about pissed myself. Its shit like this that keeps me going. Just try to stay positive and take it day by day. It will all work out!
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u/BlueCatIsFat Jul 10 '15
Autism Spectrum Disorder. Although, according to the new DSM, Aspergers is no longer a diagnosis. It's all just called Autism now.
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u/georgino67 Jul 11 '15
Hm I always thought of aspergers as more of a high functioning level of autism.
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u/paint-can Jul 10 '15
My mentally disabled little brother out living me is my biggest fear.
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u/-NightmareHippieGirl Jul 10 '15
I feel ya. It truly is a nightmare to even think about him all alone, with no family around. :(
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u/paint-can Jul 10 '15
One night my dad & I were sooooo drunk & we have a tendency to get emotional/intense if unsupervised by fun people. It's heavy shit but cathartic. Anyway, this one time he tells me he's scared about bro's future & is sad I don't/wont have kids because he doesn't know who will care for bro when I pass. He wasn't trying to make me feel bad or pressure me into having kids but maaaan. UGHHHHHH
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u/rhetoricles Jul 10 '15
I feel you, man. I can't imagine having to leave a family member like that to just fall into the lap of the state. That can't end well.
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u/-NightmareHippieGirl Jul 10 '15
Him ending up in some state run facility without anyone who loves him there makes my heart hurt. Thanks for the kind words.
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u/-NightmareHippieGirl Jul 10 '15
That is exactly what I am worried about.
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u/allyourcritbotthings Jul 11 '15
You could probably arrange for him to slowly start building a social life at a supported living agency (or a few; they might not have an opening at the perfect time) in your area you both like, and that way he would have an easier transition into a supported living environment.
That was how we tended to transition people from home in my agency, unless they were of the mind that "Fuck, yeah, I'm going to go live in my own house, get a job, and be as independent as possible."
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u/Gutchburg Jul 10 '15
I work at an independent living center in Massachusetts. There are a ton of resources out there for individuals with disabilities. (Almost all the services we provide are free in MA at least) I know it seems daunting, but there are programs out there that adress this. Granted they are nowhere near where they should be, and there will never be enough advocacy for independence for individuals with disabilities. But there are some.
I hope you are able to work something out, that doesn't involve you being filled with dread.
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u/-NightmareHippieGirl Jul 10 '15
Thank you. He does have some support resources in place. A lot of it is covered by his SSI. I will definitely be looking into more things for him. Basically, once he moves in with me, he would need a caregiver to come over and take him to appointments, clean, maybe shop, and prepare meals a few times a week. If only to give me a break. We do have that in place, so when the time comes, he is covered as far as that goes. I do not think he would do well living away from family.
My main concern is him being able to take care of his finances. He doesn't really understand money and is very easily persuaded into things, such as signing forms. In fact, that is why me and my mother are co-guardians. I will probably ask one of my children to assume that position, should the time come.
It is just crazy, all the things that you have to get put in place and can be overwhelming. Thank you for your support.
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Jul 10 '15
I just want you let you know I think it is a beautiful thing for you to care so much about him. Don't feel bad for thinking like that at all, I'm sure you love him a whole lot, but to have dreams for your own family is normal. It really is lovely that you would do that for him.
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u/-NightmareHippieGirl Jul 10 '15
Thank you. I needed that. Most days I am thankful that he is in my life, he has taught me compassion, patience and kindness. But there are days that I wish it could all just go away. That I didn't have to live my life worrying about him, wondering what is going to happen to him in the future. It is a burden, and I can't imagine how our parents must be feeling. For families dealing with this sort of thing though, there really is no choice but to carry that burden.
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Jul 10 '15
Really enjoying this, but what's with the guy at 12:00 on the bike?
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u/Moody_Immortal_1 Jul 10 '15
No idea! Didn't catch it before but cracked me up.
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Jul 10 '15
Theses kids are examples of Intellectual disabilities and Developmental disability, not learning disabilities. While they might have some learning disabilities as well it is more tied to the Intellectual disabilities or genetic disorders they have.
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u/downwardsslope Jul 10 '15
My son was diagnosed with Aspergers and some of these sentiments in this video hit home. He is high-functioning on the Autism spectrum and an amazing son. The depth of my pride for him grows and I could never have asked for a better child.
But sometimes it is crushing to have a child with a disability.
For a time my son was enamored with football. He kept telling me that he was one of the best at school and at lunch he got the ball and was an awesome running back. This went on for a few months and it was to the point I was considering putting him in football.
It turns out his perception was way off. As I started talking to him about training and was working with him in the backyard he explained to me his methods of playing football. The children thought he was so good they put him on a team all by himself. Then they would give him the ball and have him run. The kids would chase him and tackle him. Rinse and repeat. Meanwhile my son thought he found something children actually liked him for and thought he was relating and making friends – they were just playing ‘smear the queer’ and my son was the unknowing victim.
I cannot tell you the anger and hatred in my heart. The thoughts that go through my head are murderous when my son gets abused or taken advantage of because he thinks and feels differently about life.
His problem is that he fits in just enough where human cruelty is often ignored because his disability isn’t in your face obvious. Last week he asked me what it was like to kiss a girl because he didn’t think he would ever get to do so. A girl told him no one would ever kiss a person like him.
Right now and for the past couple of years we have bonded over basketball. He wants to play basketball so bad it has become his dream in life. I have had to subtly talk him out of setting his goals to the NBA and then I set his goals to playing high school. I have put him in camps and had private lessons. He’s gotten better but it’s going to be a challenge to have him earn a spot on any team. We play every day; in fact we are in the middle of the Father/Son basketball championship. I’m up 3 to 0 in the best of 7 series. I’ve also started teaching him technique. I’m going to try and get him into the coaching/training angle so talking to him about the X’s and O’s of it. I’ve started a relationship with a local high school coach and he is going to help get my son some knowledge based skills. We do tutorials. I will do whatever it takes to get him involved in what he loves.
But his future, man… it breaks my heart at times the anxiety I have about his future. He is so easily taken advantage of in life. He has a younger brother and I feel terrible because I’ve put a burden on him he didn’t ask for born out of family obligation. I fret all the time about what is next for my son. I fret he will never achieve his dreams. I fret his life will be one rife with abuses and I am scared about what will happen when I am gone. And I have guilt about passing that responsibility to his younger brother. I love my son. He’s the best thing that ever happened to my life. He changed me in ways I didn’t know it was possible for me to do so. My only dream in my life is to provide him with every opportunity to be happy. It’s a struggle at times – people can just be so cruel.
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u/Smurfy_Its_You Jul 10 '15
You sound like an amazing father. Your son has that and that's something I was born without, so he's one lucky kid.
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u/downwardsslope Jul 10 '15
Can you tell us about some of your struggles?
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u/Smurfy_Its_You Jul 11 '15
Well, the short of it was that I was born before DNA testing and only blood type was available. Both my father and I have the most common blood type so it meant he was a match but because he was running my mother's name through the mud with his new girlfriend, she dropped the paternity suit thinking he might come around in a few years when he saw his likeness in me (I do look just like him). Instead, he told his family I wasn't his and moved to Cali to be a test pilot and died in an ultralight crash when I was four.
Struggles? Well, you don't know what you're missing in a way when you've never had it. I would say there's always this inner voice of shame for being a bastard that is there. A sense of abandonment too, especially because his family never wanted to know me either.
Luckily for me, my mom is one of 11 kids so her family is big enough to make up for not knowing his.
Anything else you're curious about, let me know.
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Jul 10 '15 edited Jul 10 '15
You sound like an amazing dad with two great sons. I am moved by all you are doing to help your older son. I would just ask, if there is a way, to minimize or eliminate a future caretaker role for your younger son. I am currently in a limited caretaker role for my own mother and it is a real financial and emotional burden. Half of my income goes to ensuring my mother has a home and some stability in her life. I have had to take this on because there is no one else. I have no siblings. Her parents are too old and don't have the money to help much. While I love my mother, I have lost a lot of my hopes and dreams in the last several years to make sure she is okay. The ability to move. To travel. To do a lot of things. My only way to change this is to earn more in my field so I can continue to support her, and also live a life that brings me some comfort and happiness. In short, if you can find a way to avoid forcing the care of your older son on your younger son...please do. I hope I have not offended you.
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u/downwardsslope Jul 10 '15
I understand you. I do.
I have had to table my hopes and dreams. I went to school to work for money. I stay late hours so that my youngest son will not have a burden if I can help it. I save 30% of all my income to these efforts. I have bought two properties with homes (I live in one and my parents live in the other) so that each son can have a haven and a place to go when I'm gone.
I've got enough life insurance that all the basics will be covered if something (cancer comes back) happens to me before my sons are men.
I think my eldest will be able to live on his own. And he will not be a complete burden. But he needs someone who loves him to help him in life where he is challenged. I'm doing everything in my power to make the life of my children after me as easy as possible for them.
And I know what you mean. I've had to give up everything. I'm in my mid-thirties with no significant other. Not much time or energy to date. And having to work my tail off to get as secure a future as possible.
I will do whatever I can to minimize my youngest's burden. But it is a family burden -- he's only four so he has no concept yet. My eldest is a tween .
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Jul 10 '15
Thank you for replying, and again, for all you are doing for both of your sons. You are doing everything anyone could expect, and it means a lot. It means a lot even to a stranger such as myself, who can relate to being in this kind of position. To summarize all of my thoughts, I am really, really glad you are in the world, and I believe your children could not ask for a better dad.
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u/sarahbotts Jul 10 '15
It's heartbreaking how cruel people can be. But on the flipside, it sounds like your son is in a really loving and supporting environment.
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u/downwardsslope Jul 10 '15
Thank you. I try to be a good father. But more importantly I try to be a grounded base for my son so that no matter where he is in life he has somewhere where he can achieve perspective. I encourage him to do anything and everything he wants to work for.
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u/mistersinicide Jul 10 '15
Have you ever seen the movie "Ocean Heaven", it's a movie staring Jet Li as a single father taking care of his autistic son and how Jet Li's character is going to die of cancer and he's trying his best to prepare his son for the future in which he will not exist in. It's an amazingly beautiful movie in my opinion and parts of your relationship with your son sounds so similar to this. I would recommend giving it a watch, but with a big box of tissue.
Anyhow keep on keeping on, much respect.
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u/downwardsslope Jul 10 '15
No, I haven't. But I will buy it or track it down tonight. Thank you.
I had a cancer scare two years ago that I had to get some of my intestines removed so it sounds like this may be a watch it by yourself sort of deal for me.
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u/mistersinicide Jul 10 '15
It's a Chinese movie, so you'll have to watch with subtitles. Here is a link to the IMDB - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1498858/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
I believe it's on Hulu as well.
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u/komnenos Jul 10 '15
How old is your son? I have Asperger's myself (it's fairly light though) and sports in high school definitely DID help me make friends. However I didn't develop fine motor skills (from what I've read most people on the autism spectrum have some difficulty) so I did cross country and track and was varsity my junior and senior years and then went on to Division II to run cross country.
It is hard, I can't speak for your son and even from your comment I cannot truly grasp what how "bad" his asperger's is. When I was in elementary school I had very few friends, mostly they were just the ESL kids who couldn't communicate with people who spoke english as a first language. In middle school I had two actual friends. It wasn't until high school when I started to mature and find my own niche.
I just graduated from college and am about to go halfway around the world alone to learn another language and do an internship. I don't know you or your son but as someone who went from having almost zero friends growing up to maturing and make friends (and hell relationships) I don't see why your son couldn't continue to mature into a fine young man.
If it weren't for my parents I doubt I'd be where I am today, the world needs more parents like you.
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u/downwardsslope Jul 10 '15
Thank you. And I bet your parents are very proud of you.
He is 11. His disability is not as severe as some. It impacts him socially most of all. He has maybe one friend.
He has issues with the fine motor skills. He's too awkward at running to make a go of that. We tried a lot. With basketball we spend an hour or two every day practicing and working on his fine motor ability. Dribbling with each finger ten times. Slapping the ball. Passing lane work. Etc.
It's a challenge but it's what he loves so I'm not going to discourage it for another niche. I will let him do that if he desires.
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u/komnenos Jul 10 '15
Have you taken him to see a physical therapist? When I was around seven or eight I went weekly and at home I did body exercises on the floor (don't know how to describe them...). I still struggled with the little things like jumping jacks well into middle school but they definitely helped.
I hope the best for him and wish you and your family good luck in the future.
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u/downwardsslope Jul 10 '15
He goes to PT weekly. I have since he was first diagnosed around six. We do the same stuff. Thank you very much and I wish you and your life nothing but the greatest.
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u/germxw Jul 10 '15
As someone on the Asperger's spectrum who never really had a father, you are an amazing human being. It warms my heart that people like you exist.
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u/Moody_Immortal_1 Jul 10 '15
Your post is the complete picture of the struggle that is real and constant. Thanks for sharing this this, although I wish to hell there would be an answer or solution that was accessible to all. Until then, making things more visible is so very important. More films like this, more courageous stories told.
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u/-NightmareHippieGirl Jul 10 '15
I am sorry you are going through this. As a younger sibling of a brother with Autism, it is not something I blame my parents for. I chose to be his caretaker when they pass. Hopefully, your younger child is as willing to do this as I am. I commend you for always being there for him, it sounds like you have done an amazing job.
It is so hard to watch him struggle with his peers. School was hell for him, as he is also high functioning and easily taken advantage of.
Keep on truckin.
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u/SNRay Jul 10 '15
This is sad. Scary. Such vulnerable people. Jess is so gentle and naive and when she started getting emotional towards the end was just very sad.
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Jul 10 '15
I used to think about how some of the special ed kids in my high school were going to handle living in the real world. Now I work with developmentally disabled adults and the program that we have for them is fantastic but life for our lower functioning participants can get very hard. I get worried about those without insurance or guardians that don't know how to get help.
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Jul 10 '15
They should NEVER not have insurance. None of us should. And no guardians, so sad!! What happens to them if they have neither?
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u/SlackerAtWork Jul 10 '15
Not sure where OP lives, but I live in NY and work for a company that has group homes for individuals with developmental disabilities. If they don't have insurance when they move in, we set them up with Medicaid and get them their SSDI. Normally when they come into a setting like this, their parents are usually their guardians. I've never heard of someone not having a legal guardian. People in our agency have advocates, as well. So, I'm assuming if they were not in their parent's care, then they would have a state assigned advocate. If they are higher functioning, they can be their own advocate.
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u/theryanmoore Jul 10 '15
Sadly, the people without involved family members often get put on the back burner and overlooked. They are wards of the state and get services, but the funding is terribly, inhumanely low in a lot of cases. A lot of the older people came out of truly awful institutions, and the results of the abuse and neglect they experienced there often almost overshadow their actual disabilities. Unfortunately this often means they are an absolute pain in the ass to be around (just being honest, this would be apparent to you within minutes) which gets them even less attention and often pairs them with the least experienced caregivers. All you need is a few days of training and you're in, and most places are competing for employees with the local fast food places because the funding is shit and a lot of the companies are skimming so much off the top.
Bottom line, society does not give a flying fuck about these people, period. If they did, we would set aside enough money to get caretakers who aren't from the very very bottom of the employment barrel, and maybe the clients could have enough cash so that their caretakers wouldn't have to be buying them clothing and food and cleaning supplies out of their own empty pockets. Absolute BS.
Sorry, shit gets me worked up.
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Jul 10 '15
It is heartbreaking. I can only imagine the stress some older parents must be under when thinking of care for the disabled children when they are gone.
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Jul 10 '15
That is more than a learning disability.
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u/Xemnas81 Jul 10 '15
Can confirm. I'm a high-functioning Dyspraxic/possibly Aspergers fella.
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Jul 10 '15
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u/going_goingback_back Jul 10 '15
Seriously. Not to mention Asperger's doesn't exist as a disorder anymore (terminology-wise) separate from autism. It's all the autism spectrum now.
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u/Xemnas81 Jul 10 '15 edited Jul 10 '15
Self-diagnoses? I score borderline on the AQ-10
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Jul 10 '15
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u/Xemnas81 Jul 10 '15
Yes. My local GP with the NHS. Has since referred me to our local centre for a comprehensive assessment in October.
oh sorry, AQ-10
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Jul 10 '15
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u/Xemnas81 Jul 10 '15 edited Jul 10 '15
haha, I've been diagnosed with Dyspraxia all my life and faced similar stigma due to that (despite being high functioning), but didn't realise exactly how socially awkward it had made me until my college years. I don't just mean FAing, I have posts elsewhere on the Internet where people regularly say my arguments sound 'autistic' and socially removed, to the point where moderators would regularly email me claiming to be protecting me, but really they were monitoring my threads in case I was a troll. (I was not)
I'm probably not Aspergers but I'm not cancelling it now, been waiting for a year to see these people!
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u/Begilly Jul 10 '15
As an older sister of two siblings who have disabilities, this really hits home. One sibling will probably live on her own, but the thought is so terrifying because I can't be around at all times to protect her and explain things to her and defend her. Luckily, I live in an area with a lot of resources for children like this. But I still have a hard time and can't even imagine what my mom is going through as my sister approaches high school graduation.
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u/BlueCatIsFat Jul 10 '15
Learning disabilities are not the same as an intellectual disability. A person could have a learning disability and also be gifted. Heck, a person could be a genius and have a learning disability.
Intellectual disability = mental retardation. And there are other disabilities, too, such as developmental disabilities or autism, etc. (Although an autistic person could be gifted).
Careful not to confuse the disabilities ;)
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u/420blazeitnurse Jul 10 '15
In the UK learning disability is used as a catch all term and is considered politically correct, it can be used interchangeably with intellectual disability, though intellectual disability doesn't mean anything different it would be considered a more old fashioned term. Though yes you're right, conditions like ADHD and dyslexia fall under the term learning disability, as do more severe disabilities such as Down's. As well as this, many people with learning disabilities in the UK aren't formally diagnosed with a condition, rather just given the diagnoses of mild-severe learning disability.
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u/BlueCatIsFat Jul 10 '15
What! Oh my gosh. I didn't believe you, so I looked it up. This actually saddens me quite a bit!! I do quite a bit of advocacy in the US for what is known as "twice exceptional." These are kids who have been identified as gifted but also have an LD such as dyslexia, dyscalculia, auditory processing disorder, and non verbal learning disability, to name a few.
In fact, one of the criteria to be identified as having an LD is that the child must have at least average intelligence. Their intelligence & their ability to process information doesn't match up. There is unfortunately quite a bit of misunderstanding & stigma that LD individuals are "dumb."
Also, as a side note, ADHD is not considered a learning disability here. It is something else entirely, and schools classify it differently both logistically and legally.
This makes me very, very sad.
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u/420blazeitnurse Jul 11 '15
It's got less to do with the service user and more to do with the service. NHS professions tend to broadly split into 5 main services (although there are obviously 1000s of different teams in the NHS); adult, peads, mental health, geriatric, and learning disability. So any condition affecting your ability to learn generally falls under LD (this can also overlap with peads or MH though), though you may be referred to more specialist services, such as being referred to the LD team but receiving appts to attend a sensory team for example.
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u/falloutfawkesss Jul 10 '15
That's not correct. ADHD, dyslexia, aspergers, autism, fall under 'learning difficulty', which is seperate.
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u/Moody_Immortal_1 Jul 10 '15
I appreciate the information. I think we all learn so much more about proper terminologies from those who are willing to explain things in a forthright and open manner. The ultimate would be not to have labels for anything, but that would probably be impossible. Thanks!
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u/falloutfawkesss Jul 10 '15
The person above is wrong. If you got to the UK learning disability foundation website it explains the difference between a learning disability and learning difficulty.
"In general, a learning disability constitutes a condition which affects learning and intelligence across all areas of life, whereas a learning difficulty constitutes a condition which creates an obstacle to a specific form of learning, but does not affect the overall IQ of an individual. For example, Down’s syndrome is classed as a learning disability, whereas dyslexia is classed as a learning difficulty, in that it only affects an individual’s relationship to the processing of information, usually manifested in problems with reading, writing, and spelling."
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u/BlueCatIsFat Jul 10 '15
No, I'm not wrong. I just learned from another Redditor that this is a difference between countries. I'm a former special ed teacher in the US. Here, it is actually required for diagnosis of LD that a child must be of at least average intelligence.
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Jul 10 '15
That seems like some unnecessarily convoluted bits of terminology. Is that the child of overzealous political kidglove correctness? 'Learning disability' seems like a poor description for mental retardation.
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u/BlueCatIsFat Jul 10 '15
I replied to a couple others already, so you might not see it. Apparently, Learning Disability means two different things in the UK and the US. And you're right about the labels. It used to be that "Mental Retardation" was perfectly acceptable, but then it became "Intellectual Disability" and a friend of mine who is currently in the field in the US tells me there's an even newer term that's being used. It keeps happening because people don't like acknowledging retardation.
In the US, to be classified as LD, you cannot be retarded. I have helped many children & parents understand that LD does not mean they are mentally retarded. In fact, some of my students had quite high IQs and were even in the gifted range. I am very sad to know that the UK classifies LD in this way.
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u/theryanmoore Jul 10 '15
Yup. Completely different things that need completely different approaches. That's really weird, to be honest.
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u/falloutfawkesss Jul 10 '15
It seems pretty straightforward to me. What part of it is confusing you?
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Jul 10 '15
Learning disability == mental retardation, but learning difficulty == difficulties in learning, so:
That seems like some unnecessarily convoluted bits of terminology. Is that the child of overzealous political kidglove correctness? 'Learning disability' seems like a poor description for mental retardation.
Seems pretty straightforward to me. What part of it is confusing you? :P
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u/falloutfawkesss Jul 10 '15
But difficulty and disability are different words, with different meanings.
This isn't semantics. It is two different things that people experience.
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Jul 10 '15 edited Jul 10 '15
Nvm, nitpicking is what I'm doing I suppose. xxx
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u/falloutfawkesss Jul 10 '15
Are we talking about the different between a learning disability and a learning difficulty, or the term learning disability and it's appropriateness? Two different discussions. Learning disability as a label/name is just what is currently used as a more appropriate name, intellectual disability has never really been used here, but isn't opposed either, retardation, handicapped etc aren't appropriate now in the UK due to the way in which they have been used.
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Jul 10 '15
I don't know, I suppose as long as proper care is offered I should nitpick less. :) Just found it odd is all, using such similar-sounding terms.
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u/BlueCatIsFat Jul 10 '15
You may not see my response to the other Redditor, but in the US, my information is correct. Apparently the UK classifies things very differently than the US. I was unaware of this.
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Jul 10 '15
Having a grip of kids myself and being terrified they will not become stable functioning adults, I can not imagine the pressure someone must feel when they have a child with learning disabilities.
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u/shoesbrewstattoos Jul 10 '15
This also hit close to home for me. My mentally challenged sister is 28 and lives with my retired father and step-mom. However, I'm not terrified to accept responsibilities, just an anxiousness feeling of inevitable financial and emotional strain. I have 3 other siblings too that can help, but most likely only 1 other will. If I ever do inherit responsibilities, I will try to get her involved in the community and a part-time job. She is quite spoiled though, so I imagine she will put up a tantrum.
My city has a great program that she just graduated from about connecting disabled persons with each other and the community: http://www.starfirecouncil.org/about_starfire
Now to find another.
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u/Xemnas81 Jul 10 '15
What the fuck is wrong with all the people here finding this funny. I swear we're moving on from racism, sexism, homophobia, now transphobia but still we get hurr durr u retarded 'jokes'. Have some compassion
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u/Moody_Immortal_1 Jul 10 '15
Agreed. But at the same time it's a quick way to weed out who has something valuable to add to the conversation and who we can click right past. These days I appreciate knowing which people are incapable of humanity as quickly as possible.
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Jul 10 '15
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u/theryanmoore Jul 10 '15
Abso-fucking-lutely. I've worked as a caretaker for different companies in different states and the story is always the same, speaking even more generally. Horrifically low funding from the state, then the provider companies themselves skimming as much as possible off the top... You end up with nearly unemployable people working for minimum wage taking care of clients who can't afford basic necessities.
I can't tell you how many literal life or death situations I've had to deal with, all for minimum wage and with only a few days of classroom training under my belt. And I'd consider myself vastly overqualified for the job, I've seen so many utter morons end up doing this after failing to get employed anywhere else, and they do a terrible job. And then the clients themselves often have no money, and the underpaid staff inevitably end up buying stuff for them left and right with their own nonexistent money, because they actually give a shit.
Society does not. At all. And we've collectively made that undeniably clear.
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u/eolyn Jul 10 '15
I am so terrified about when I will have to do this with my brother that I can't bring myself to watch this video... ug...
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u/DutchCaptaine Jul 10 '15
Me being 18 now with autism (not bad but it's there id guess) and have some of the same problems with my mom, she being overly protective and me being this guy that can take care of his own business..
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u/notoriousVIG Jul 10 '15
I am an paraprofessional (educational aide) at a therapeutic day school for children on the Autism spectrum, amongst other things. One of my biggest fears for some of my kiddos is what happens when their caregivers are no longer around to be the caregiver. I know we are really pushing for social and living skills. We have a room that is designed like a mock studio apartment, and we work with our kids to teach them to: wash dishes, do laundry, make the bed, make a simple breakfast meal, restock toilet paper in the bathroom, etc. I am just an aide... I have a hard time shutting my thoughts off at the end of my shift, but it scares the crap out of me when I think about what's next for these guys. My thoughts are with everyone who has these worries 24/7, where as I only have worry for the 6.5hrs they are in my care.
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u/NectarineOverPeach Jul 10 '15
Just also saying thanks for posting this. I was looking through comments hoping it was here.
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u/plasticslug Jul 10 '15
Did not watch this, but the only thing I have to say about the situation is that my best friend will has cerebral palsy and fuck its hard for him to get a women, like almost non existent.
There needs to be a place where people with disabilities can hook up/date with other disabled people. Its pretty much down to just straight up prostitution for him these days.
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Jul 10 '15
There really does. This is a very over looked point when it comes to people with disabilities. I think an online dating service would be perfect, as well as speed dating.
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u/jelly_tots Jul 10 '15
Have you ever seen 'The Undateables'? It's a Channel 4 show. In the UK, there are special dating agencies, and this show tells certain peoples stories. It's great! I'm sure there must be some equivalents where you are. There will probably be lots of episodes still online: www.channel4.com
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u/Smurfy_Its_You Jul 10 '15
Is it even legal for a normal person to have sex with someone with down syndrome, like the people in the video?
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u/BlueCatIsFat Jul 10 '15
It depends on local laws. I know someone who served on a jury where sadly a very happy couple was broken up by a meddling family member and the man (who was of average IQ) was convicted for having sexual relations with a mildly retarded woman. According to my friend on the jury, the two were very much in love and sweet to each other, but the law was the law. It was sad.
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Jul 10 '15
My brother will graduate this coming school year and I'm not sure if he's ready to be on his own even remotely. He's been discouraged from going to college despite wanting to go and has difficulty accepting that he needs to get a job that isn't his dream job right away.
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u/throwawayr_2d_2 Jul 10 '15
And throughout my whole childhood my mom kept saying "you have a disability! You can't do that!" Not to be a Debbie downer. Just 24, lost in life, they Come back today and scared as fuck.
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Jul 10 '15 edited Dec 02 '18
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/BlueCatIsFat Jul 10 '15
I just learned that the UK has different classifications than the US. (I commented on it elsewhere.)
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u/BoardgameNick Jul 10 '15
I'm confused. "Learning disabilities" does not just mean downs or any other type of mental retardation. I know someone with a learning disability, and you would NEVER know it. He has no outer "looks" like them in this doc. The guy is 100% normal, only thing is he struggles learning stuff. It's as simple as that.
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u/theryanmoore Jul 10 '15
It appears terminology is different (and IMO extremely inadequate) in the UK.
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Jul 10 '15
I feel like I'd be a lot happier as a retard.
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u/theryanmoore Jul 10 '15
Or you could be one of the miserable ones, one of the ones banging their heads against walls to stop the torment, trying to pull out your own teeth with pliers, screaming in unending terror, tranquilized and strapped down 24/7 because you're a danger to yourself and others.
I'll let you take that gamble.
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Jul 10 '15
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u/ImAProfessional1 Jul 10 '15
You, dear redditor, are the least intelligent person I have encountered today. You win!!!
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Jul 10 '15
It'd be a lot easier to "let them go" if a doctor had stabbed and swirled around the fetus a few years earlier.
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u/Smurfy_Its_You Jul 10 '15
They would actually be less foolish too, because you can't fool an aborted baby because it wasn't born yesterday!
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Jul 10 '15
This really panders to an American audience doesn't it.
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u/shzadh Jul 10 '15
Why do you say that?
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u/rdy2rape Jul 10 '15
okay someone explain the nose issue... 90% of the people in this video have BLT's hanging off them.
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u/rocknin Jul 10 '15
AKA 99% of teenagers
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Jul 10 '15 edited Nov 24 '15
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u/rocknin Jul 10 '15
I helped actual learning disabled kids in high school, and I swear they were smarter than the rest of the kids.
street smarts, at least.
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u/swaggypreme Jul 10 '15
Damn, growing up with an older brother with a learning disability, this really hit home. Specifically when the mom at 7:49 says "Never say never. If we don't have those ambitions for our children, then no one else is going to." Sometimes I can get too cynical/realistic about my brother's capabilities and in that sense, I'm not helping him live his life to the fullest. I'm going to try to be better in this regard. Thanks for sharing this.