Cannot stop using high proof alcohol disinfectant after picking sessions because I’m addicted to the burning sensation. Anybody can relate?

[u/callmebartie]

Does anybody else really like the intense burn after disinfecting a patch of picked skin? It’s crazy. I’ll pick, then use a lot of the disinfectant, then let it semi heal over and then pick again within an hour to disinfect YET again.

It’s a mix feeling of frustration, satisfaction, shame and the lack of willpower to stop.

[u/cookiesandmilkareyum]

i definitely can relate to this. most of the time , im picking for the burning / painful aspect. it’s not for any other reason other than the fact that i like how it feels. it hurts but in a satisfying , “good” way.

[u/Deathclaw-Peet → u/cookiesandmilkareyum]

sounds like self harm. do you have someone to talk to about that.

[u/cookiesandmilkareyum → u/Deathclaw-Peet]

i don’t really know. i’ve never considered it a form of self harm because it’s not a “hurtful” hurt. i like the way it feels and how it burns. it’s satisfying. maybe there might be something underlying there i’m not aware of , but i never thought of it that way

[u/kindnesswillkillyou → u/cookiesandmilkareyum]

My therapist framed it as self harm too but I have also never thought of it this way because to me it feels pleasant.

[u/Deathclaw-Peet → u/cookiesandmilkareyum]

the fact you pick with the intent of feeling pain is what alarms me. i think that’s beyond compulsive picking. i hurt myself sometimes, but im never striving to hurt, to be in pain. i just hope you’re okay is all.

[u/wellshitdawg → u/Deathclaw-Peet]

Idk why’re you’re being downvoted

Dermatillomania falls under the ocd umbrella and is not considered self harm; it’s a compulsion

[u/xtaberry]

I've done this, and I have talked to a therapist about this, so can share the second hand therapy insights.

Cutting out this part of the ritual is really important. And you should try to cut it out even if you are not yet ready to stop picking altogether. This is true of any additional steps in the picking ritual, because the more ritualistic it is the harder it is to stop, but especially this one.

I never considered it self harm when I was doing it until my therapist said that it was. Now I see it. It is self harming behaviour, especially if it is associated with guilt, shame, and catharsis of negative emotions. The fact that it feels satisfying doesn't negate the fact that you're hurting yourself, because cutting can feel really satisfying too.

It's something a lot of dermatillomania people do. But it's bad, and it's bad for you, and it's deepening the compulsive ritual. This isn't the right choice for everyone, but my therapist told me I had to 100% stop disinfecting and bandaging wounds for a period of time. I told myself I was doing all these extra steps to prevent infection and do responsible wound care, but I was actually feeding the compulsion.

[u/seattleseahawks2014]

I like to put itching spray on mine sometimes.

[u/Longjumping_War4901]

i feel uncomfortable if i don’t do that, itching sensation from the alcohol is the only thing that makes me believe i’ve disinfected the wound properly

[u/NoWar1634]

I used to do that as well, in the worst of my skin picking days. I didn't do it for long but I can't remember exactly why I stopped. Tho I remember I liked how clear and dry the skin looked after putting the alcohol.

But somehow I've realized I was just making it worst. On the moment the skin looked clearer, and then it reacted by producing even more sebum, so it was actually worsening the vicious circle.

The disinfectant is harsh on the skin, it may destroy bad bacterias on the surface, but also good ones. Using alcohol is another way to feel something via the skin and to feel in control, for people with derma it's only logical to do that. I was picking my skin so badly it already looked like it was burnt, and I had a permanent burning feeling, I thought using alcohol couldn't make it worse. But we know deep down it's not doing good.