r/CuratedTumblr gender absorbed by annoying dog 1d ago

Shitposting what WERE they doing at the devil's sacrament?

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2.9k Upvotes

75 comments sorted by

471

u/BalefulOfMonkeys Refined Sommelier of Porneaux 1d ago

“In a clown nightclub” HER NAME IS BALATRO

163

u/TwasAnChild 1d ago

She multed on my jonkler until I balatro

65

u/DellSalami 1d ago

She buskin on my sock til I trigger

53

u/Highskyline 1d ago

She wheel on my fortune till I Nope!

35

u/BalefulOfMonkeys Refined Sommelier of Porneaux 1d ago

She Tribbing on my Boulet til I Queen

11

u/ButlerShurkbait 1d ago

She… she… uh… she played on my… (wait no that sounds dumb) she lusty on my joker till I heart (so stupid)

8

u/DracheTirava .tumblr.com 20h ago

She convert on my left card til I right card

2

u/Dinodietonight 3h ago

She wheel on my fortune until I nope

1

u/Plushie_Holly 15h ago

*Loud buzzing noise*

2

u/Evening_Jury_5524 23h ago

?

3

u/GoldenPig64 nuance fetishist 20h ago

HER NAME IS BALATRO

1

u/Evening_Jury_5524 20h ago

A clown nightclub?

1

u/Charnerie 2h ago

I can only guarantee the clown part

386

u/DreadDiana human cognithazard 1d ago

"I found beetledrink dead and gay at the clown nightclub!!!" girl...what were YOU doing at the clown nightclub 👀

107

u/BalefulOfMonkeys Refined Sommelier of Porneaux 1d ago

A nightclub for clowns, call that a honky tonk

13

u/sharltocopes 23h ago

Thank you, Detective Tutuola

3

u/HaViNgT 10h ago

Some funny business

173

u/Perfect_Wrongdoer_03 If you read Worm, maybe read the PGTE? 1d ago

Whenever I see this post I realize it's from 2020 and feel aghast. It's almost as memorable as Spiders Georg for me, and yet it's only from four years ago.

54

u/ninjesh 1d ago

Tbf 2020 in general feels like it was at least a decade ago

20

u/thunderPierogi 23h ago

2020 feels like a whole decade

3

u/throwaway387190 23h ago

What did you say

No, what in the fuck did you actually say

SPIDERS GEORG is only from 4 years ago????

That's like saying Isaac Newton actually invented gravity. A fundamental part of reality is a RECENT ADDITION?

Fuck, man. Did all the timelines collapse together during Covid, so I truthfully remember spiders Georg from decades ago, but in the current timeline I'm in after they all diverged after the pandemic, it was just made 4 years ago???

63

u/GeneralWiggin superb, you funky little biped 23h ago

I regret to inform you that you may be illiterate. They aren't saying spiders georg is from 2020, they're saying this post feels just as old. Spiders georg is from 2013

Edit: my first sentence was intended as funny but I think it came off as rude. Apologies

27

u/throwaway387190 23h ago

It didn't come off as rude

I'm an engineer. Of course I can't read, you called it

I can't tell you how many times I've sent emails that are 2 sentences long, and I get back a question that would have been answered if they read the first sentence

Good job

60

u/VioletTheWolf gender absorbed by annoying dog 1d ago

20

u/CameronFrog 1d ago

i did not know that you could format your blog to look like that. is it done with html? is myspace era internet back? or is it from like a theme pack within tumblr or something?

43

u/VioletTheWolf gender absorbed by annoying dog 1d ago

you can do anything you want with the desktop version of your tumblr blog, actually! it is done with html, but there are also many user-made themes you can grab if (most likely) you don't know how to do any of that.

that's always been a thing with tumblr, though sadly they've been pushing their generic in-dashboard view and making desktop view harder to access. you actually have to turn a switch on to enable it with new blogs these days ("enable custom theme"). (blank).tumblr.com is the custom desktop view, tumblr.com/(blank) is the new default dashboard view

16

u/Intelligent-Turnip96 1d ago

One of the things that drew me to tumblr in the first place!! It’s a shame that the current management is trying to de-emphasize that customizability but not surprising :(

33

u/WrongColorCollar 1d ago

dead AND gay good lord

12

u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 1d ago

In this economy?

15

u/thunderPierogi 23h ago

I love how they were 14 years dead when they made the original post

11

u/173beta 1d ago

wtf i thought that post was at least 10 years old

6

u/Hexxas head trauma enthusiast 1d ago

WHO WILL DRINK THE BEETLES NOW?

WHO???

5

u/ninjesh 1d ago

Beetlejuice

3

u/Hexxas head trauma enthusiast 17h ago

Beetlejuice

12

u/Dark_Storm_98 23h ago

Wasn't the point of the girls being on trial that they were already being accused of being at the devil's sacrament?

They're essentially "ratting" out other people to get a lighter sentence

It's a plea deal

9

u/he77bender 22h ago

Yeah tbh it always annoyed me a little that no one ever actually answered the question lol.

I mean I understand why it became memetic, and that doesn't really have anything to do with the actual history behind it...

but it still feels kinda unfair to the victims cuz at the end of the day it still leaves unquestioned OOP's starting assumption that they were accusing their neighbors out of malice, instead of giving coerced confessions. Never really sat right.

3

u/Dark_Storm_98 21h ago

Well, I don't remember how historical this is supposed to be

But in The Crucible they were kinda just hanging out in the woods with a slave(?)

So she was probably just doing some kind of tradition from Africa

And the girls threw her under the bus and she started talking about the devil to shift the blame off of her

Or something like that, it's been like ten years or so since I read it

2

u/he77bender 20h ago

Yeah I think that was it

Your memory of it is probably about as good as mine lol

5

u/PeriodicGolden 1d ago

Tumblr user beetledrink was found wrapped in plastic

12

u/busterfixxitt 1d ago

Wait, are they suggesting the Salem Witch Trials didn't happen?

70

u/Similar_Ad_2368 1d ago

do you also believe OOP is suggesting they died 18 years ago?

49

u/VisualGeologist6258 This is a cry for help 1d ago

Amazing how someone who died in 2006 can make a post in 2020. I wonder if the Devil’s sacrament had anything to do with it

23

u/Similar_Ad_2368 1d ago

I wouldn't know I've never gone

7

u/peridoti 1d ago

I don't know, I just got here!

7

u/AmericanToast250 1d ago

Necromancy is one of Satan’s favorite tools. Any one suspected of speaking to the dead should be delivered forthwith to the magistrate of the court assembled in the shire in which they dwell, and if they are found guilty, they shall be put to instant death

3

u/Ropetrick6 23h ago

How about Neck-romancers?

1

u/peridoti 23h ago

Sorry Satan, I'm ticklish.

-1

u/busterfixxitt 1d ago

No, I'm referring to:

"the salem witch trials have since become a sensation, being referenced by authors, musicians, and artists alike, with many believing it to be factual events."

The Salem witch trials ARE factual events.

Their joke about their own death is then put forward in an attempt to create ANOTHER fake historical event. Clearly doubling down on the idea that the witch trials DIDN'T happen.

Maybe it's meta? Attempting to rewrite history by 'debunking' actual historical events as recently created fiction.

16

u/Similar_Ad_2368 1d ago

ah so the third paragraph is a joke, you recognized that, good. now, consider the second paragraph in that context.

0

u/busterfixxitt 1d ago

I thought I did, what with the point about how the joke doubles down on the idea that the trials are fictitious.

Care to ELI5 what I'm missing?

9

u/VioletTheWolf gender absorbed by annoying dog 22h ago

Rather scientific way of dissecting a silly post, but sure. Sorry people are being rude about it

Anyway, I doubt it was made with much structural intent other than "haha funny", but here's how I read it:

* real statement about the actual effects of the post

* followed by humorously false statement attributing the salem witch trials to this one tumblr post, but still presented as if it were true, keeping in humor

* followed by one final shocking (in a funny way), out of the blue and obviously untrue sentence

5

u/busterfixxitt 19h ago

Alright, that's kinda where I ended up too, I think. Thank you.

So the answer to my original question is, "Yes, they ARE suggesting the witch trials didn't happen."

BUT they're being ironic, not a conspiracy nut or delusional.👍

Sorry, I get caught in the weeds sometimes. I have brain damage & I can't always trust my reasoning, so it's helpful when people are willing to confirm or correct my conclusions. Hopefully that explains my overly scientific dissection. 🙂

Stay awesome, Violet!

5

u/VioletTheWolf gender absorbed by annoying dog 18h ago

No worries! I have trouble understanding stuff too sometimes

5

u/nostalgic2020 1d ago

How do you manage to dress yourself in the morning?

6

u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 1d ago

Backwards, apparently

3

u/jacobningen 1d ago

Not as portrayed by Miller or after Miller no. Yes. But Miller was closest and even he takes liberties because he's actually writing about Mccarthyism and maybe the Purges but using Salem to get around censorship.

0

u/busterfixxitt 1d ago

I'm assuming you're referring to Arthur Miller?

I'm asking whether Tumblr user Beetledrink is trying to suggest that THEY invented the Salem Witch Trials in 2020 as some kind of meme.

2

u/ninjesh 1d ago

Yes, that's the joke

1

u/jacobningen 1d ago

Technically they didn't as they are actually the Danvers witch trials.

1

u/busterfixxitt 1d ago

That must be what Beetledrink was referring to.

3

u/Tat25Guy Taylor Worm apologist 1d ago

Alongside Scrappy Doo at the same Miami club

3

u/ShrimpBisque 1d ago

This post has entered my family's meme lexicon.

3

u/Sororita 23h ago

Real talk: a lot of those accused as witches were tortured for the names of the other witches which they gathered with, and since torture is a horrible method of gaining information, they would just give the names of the first people they thought would be believed to also be witches.

2

u/The-Dark-Memer Clowns parade through the street and beckon me forth, I follow. 23h ago

Why is there even a devils sacrament in town is t e real question

3

u/mugguffen 23h ago

if your town doesnt have a devil's sacrament then you're doing something wrong

2

u/Xogoth 23h ago

Dead and gay, but did beetledrink get that scrawny clown snatch?

I does is have to know

2

u/CinnabarSteam 19h ago

I have it on the authority of several historians that one cannot be both dead and gay. At most, you can be dead and friendly.

2

u/PhasmaFelis 18h ago

Interesting note about the Salem witch trials. Even other Puritan settlements of the era thought they were insane. IIRC, all of the victims were formally exonerated within a decade or two, including many who had escaped execution and survived to see their own exoneration.

The Puritans were, broadly, awful people, but not even they thought that witches were everywhere and mass trials and executions were a sane and normal thing.

1

u/willowzam 21h ago

Does the second post mean anything? Do I just not understand tumblr?

4

u/VioletTheWolf gender absorbed by annoying dog 20h ago

starts off with a genuine recap of how this post has gone viral over the past 4 years (look at post dates next to the usernames if you haven't), and then it's just jokes

-1

u/willowzam 20h ago

I get the first part, the jokes are what I don't understand. It just kinda sounds like yapping tbh

1

u/IllConstruction3450 18h ago

I thought this said “Devil’s Excrement”.

1

u/ReverendEntity 12h ago

How exactly is someone found dead and gay?