r/Assistance • u/Neverenoughlego • Feb 17 '20
META [Meta] This sub is not about paying back it is about paying foward.
So many come here and need to be corrected by mods about repayment of financial assistance. If you need 2 dollars or 2000 dollars it doesn't matter here in most cases of repayment....it is about helping someone else.
I know that if I help someone it doesn't matter if I get the funds back....as is the rules anyways here. We only ask that when and if you can to help someone else.
I know this is all within the side bar, but some reason no one reads it. Lol maybe seeing it in the que will bring it some exposure.
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u/Hydn7822 Feb 17 '20
The beauty about going through difficulties , is that it teaches humility. Humility is a crucial part of growth. Personally, I welcome hard times. I may complain a bit about it, but that is also perfectly natural.
Life is suffering, obviosuly. That doesn't mean we have to go through it alone, and many here have embraced this, it's fucking wonderful. Its a bit cliche these days, but I mean it when I say I would not change a damn thing about what I have been through, not a moment.
I would say to any going through tough times, as much as it hurts, it can benefit you , if you learn from it.
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u/Neverenoughlego Feb 17 '20
You ain't wrong.... humility and pride are a hell of a thing.
First time I applied for food stamps I felt like shit, and then it was future exacerbated when my social worker asked why if I was white that I didn't have a job.
She was Hispanic too.
She held all the cards and was waiting for me to lash out....I didnt. Instead I just cried because of my anger and I knew there was nothing I could do.
I ended up on them again when I got a work place injury, but was without any of that bullshit.
I vowed never to be there again so I busted my ass and now I am not going to be there again. Made my own business, am what I say is upper middle class and have so much work I can't work less than 3 months away from home at a time to keep it all under control.
But this place helped me once....so I do the same for others.
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u/Hydn7822 Feb 17 '20 edited Feb 21 '20
Pride is a great motivator, or it can be your downfall. You used it correctly.
To me it takes a hell of a lot more strength to ask for help when you need it, than to go without. It's really just the obvious thing to do I suppose. Weak would be going without because you thought somehow it challenged who you are as a man. If you work hard, you earned it.
Its illogical to deem someone weak, regardless of their circumstances, if they ask for help. We survived as a species as long as we have not just because we were self-reliant, but because we worked together. Anyone who suffers needlessly, when they do not have to, is an idiot.
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u/Neverenoughlego Feb 17 '20
Thank you for the silver....I hope you didn't pay for that. (Don't know how that stuff works).
Those people that won't ask for that are not an idiot. They are prideful is all. Go read my most recent comment, and you will know what one I am talking about really quick.
It took looking into my son's eyes as an infant to break my pride. I knew there was no way in fuck that I could provide for him and my wife without taking it.
I stomached that woman's reply because I had too.....I was forced to do so and she knew it. Others are fearful of that same outcome.
People are just spiteful and shitty when they know they can be, but I won't be....unless I have to, but I still would not ever do what was done to me.
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u/Hydn7822 Feb 17 '20
Pride is ridiculous if it prevents you from progressing. That I wil not budge on. As far as the silver goes, it was like $3 for 1K coins, somehting like that. But the price isnt what matters, if I had more Id give it. And... Im not sure whatyou mean by "that womans reply", I do not pay much attention to other comments on some posts, unless I find the topic controversial.
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u/Neverenoughlego Feb 17 '20
that womans reply
I mean the social worker I spoke about at the first of our comment string.
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u/Hydn7822 Feb 17 '20
Man, thank you. I'll spend it wisely. Presumbly it was you who sent it, it does mean a lot. Thank you.
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u/Neverenoughlego Feb 17 '20
It's the small things that help each of us.
That account just sits there and I don't use it anymore.
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u/Hydn7822 Feb 17 '20
Absolutely. It sucks going through difficult times, what matters, tho, is how we respond to such times. You're a credit to our species. :)
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u/Neverenoughlego Feb 17 '20
Shiiiiiiet all I did was hit some buttons. You are the one that got me to do it.
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u/molliemoo98 Feb 18 '20
I completely agree with this!! I’ve been going through some pretty tough times recently(lost my job due to mental health issues yadda yadda yadda) and I can’t WAIT to start my new job in a month and a bit so I can try pass the luck forward! I would love to come on here and do what I can!!
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u/AquaWonder Feb 17 '20
There's a lot more pressing issues than this that the mods have to correct daily by rules not being followed. Sometimes its best if someone needs help, to save that extra money they may get so they have it in an emergency. But you also think people shouldnt say thank you so different opinions all around.
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u/Neverenoughlego Feb 17 '20
There's a lot more pressing issues than this that the mods have to correct daily by rules not being followed
Oh I have no doubt this is the case. The comments are deleted now, but someone actually said a person offered help for what was insinuated as something vile....that is just nasty.
Sometimes its best if someone needs help, to save that extra money they may get so they have it in an emergency.
Something like 50% don't even have 100 dollars in savings....just within the USA I think.....so those of us that can help, we do. I am fortunate enough to now be within that category so I make it an effort to do so.
But you also think people shouldnt say thank you so different opinions all around.
No what I said is I don't believe individual thanks are a good idea. Within the past few days I have been solicited by 8 separate people within messages and chat within Reddit.
No history within this sub at all, and that is why I said it should be a community thing where no one is named. Just that this community helped.
I thought that was clarified pretty well within that comment string.
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u/AquaWonder Feb 17 '20
Make sure you report those accounts PMing you to the mods. I see thats against the rules. Again it sounds like the issue is people not following rules. These are the scammers that should be banned. The issue is not grateful people simply showing gratitude.
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u/Neverenoughlego Feb 17 '20
I do, but 99% of them are already banned lol. It is why they DM.
Of course you can report to admin, but even if they ban them they have more names. Added that most of the givers on here are introvert like you read about it makes it all that more difficult.
Most here just want to kick a couple bucks to someone then leave, but I promise you if they are named, when they come back they will have at least 2 DM from someone....
It leaves them with a distasteful experience is all, and I am being empathic to them as I have spoken with many....and I mean many within not only this place but others.
You want to be recognized......great you do that because after all you paid for it. It's just that others without the will to say anything don't...... remember them as well is all.
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u/AquaWonder Feb 17 '20
I don't want recognition. You made a post about how you give and what you expect, i just replied. I'm simply saying it is nice to see gratitude and it also helps to see who has been helped is all. Keep on being so very generous and making a difference as you see fit.
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u/destinyisntfree Breaking Point Feb 17 '20
Actually, every rule violation is taken seriously. We address them all as they come in, and don't weight them. They are dealt with in the order they come in, not by degree of seriousness. A rule violation is a rule violation. But again, we mods are human. We can't be everywhere all the time.
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u/BigBootyWitch44 Feb 17 '20
I have a hard time even finding places I can post because of karma requirements.
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u/destinyisntfree Breaking Point Feb 17 '20
Getting karma is not as hard as people seem to make it out to be, though. And the karma requirements exist for a reason. It is because those who give want to help those who actively contribute to the community and not just those who come here looking with their hand out. THAT is not what this place exists for. It is a place for Redditors to help Redditors. That is why we, as well as many other places, require the karma.
The other reason is that those who give use your Reddit history to vet the requester to determine if they want to help that particular user. If you don't have much karma, there is no history to look through.
It really doesn't take much to post a cat pic, or to find a subreddit that interests you to get involved with. There is literally a subreddit for everything. There are thousands, maybe tens of thousands of them. If you search for any infinite number of search terms, you will find a subreddit that relates to that term. Then just jump into the conversation and the karma will build up organically in no time.
The mistake many users make is going to free karma subs, and then they get themselves banned and into trouble, because that is karma farming. That is frowned upon on any giving subreddit.
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u/Neverenoughlego Feb 17 '20
Well that is why this place is here ..the karma is to show you are at least a part of Reddit for more than this place
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u/seaboard2 [Amazon aficionado] Feb 17 '20
I do cans of tuna, because it has good bang for the buck. It also shows that even very little $ can help stretch food for a few days/week. Hopefully, people who have received tuna/XYZ from here will go on to send tuna/XYZ to others.
It is all about paying it forward :)
(When I see posts with loan lingo, I report it)
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u/King_Jezzzebleluukyn Feb 17 '20
I understand that's the goal, but that doesn't stop my instincts. I don't like feeling as though I owe something, if I had the money I would double the money back to everyone who has helped me, from the person who gave me a chicken nugget coupon to the person who has literally saved me from homelessness more than once.
Right now I feel like I owe a lot, and it's another weight on me. It isn't nearly as bad as the crushing weight of near homelessness, but I don't want to be the charity case that I am. I don't like being this way, I don't like that I've only been able to take care of my cat and keep a roof over my head because of other people's help.
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u/AquaWonder Feb 17 '20
Try not to feel that way my friend, I know its easier said than done. I hate receiving anything myself and feel like I need to give something right back lol. Celebrate the victories like having that roof and a cat to show you love. One step at a time!
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u/Neverenoughlego Feb 17 '20
You think that any of us helped you or anyone else because we felt we had to?
Ask any of them if they felt specifically you were special.....pretty sure they will say you were not, and if that is the case.....why do you feel that you owe them as individuals a damn thing?
You were just there when they were...simple circumstances or divinity if you prefer.....don't feel a burden except to yourself for betterment.
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u/King_Jezzzebleluukyn Feb 17 '20 edited Feb 17 '20
I can't just erase the burden from my mind. You help me, I owe you.
If anyone who's helped me in the past has anything they want from me, it is theirs. I just don't really have anything to give. I want to be the helper like I used to be, not the helpless begging for scraps.
I raised myself, I've lived on my own all my adult life, and I prided myself on my self-sufficiency. Fought through life with no help, no safety net and severe mental illness holding me back. Then one day I just broke down and can't function anymore, after a protracted war the mental illness finally won. I'm a pathetic shell of what I used to be, and what I used to be wasn't enough.
I'm partly beating myself up because I've been musing with the idea of yet another request for help post. I'm already indebted to people, I don't want to feel further indebted. Every debt is an addition to my self loathing. But I also know come first of the month, I'm probably not gonna have enough money. I didn't donate plasma this month because I felt like crap from overdonating the last few months, then got the flu, and still have the tail end of the flu, so I'm way behind on my typical monthly income.
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u/Neverenoughlego Feb 17 '20
I'm a pathetic shell of what I used to be, and what I used to be wasn't enough.
You trying to convince me, or yourself of this statement? I am no stranger to the fact that at times your best just isn't good enough, and I won't let you feel sorry for yourself, nor will I do that for you.
You can draw it out and say this reason, and that reason...not my fault, but at the end of the day...that one chance you passed up because you didn't take it due to your self-pity is the one that could have got you out.
Life is about confidence....not arrogance because they are easy to mix up.
The confidence you use to get that one chance is all you need. Trust me it is. Luck, or fate doesn't play into life like confidence.
You make up your mind to change something in your life and mean it.....you will make it happen.
So go do it.
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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20
What you're describing is /r/borrow
Great resource, but at the same time just as bad as payday loans for a lot of users.