F33 here. Tired of dating apps. Friday night. Finished late, came to a bar. Ordered a beer. Sitting by myself (and scrollig reddit). What do i do now? Should i find a guy and stare at him? Or what?

AN UPDATE: Thanks for all the comments, tips, and upvotes—y’all really took this further than I expected. I’ll try to read through everything once things settle down. WHAT HAPPENED? Absolutely nothing. I wrote the original post with my beer glass half-empty (or half-full, depending on how you see it). Finished the drink, went home, and that was that. Lesson learned for next Friday night. Thanks for the genuine tips and ideas—I’ll keep them in mind.

To the hundred-plus men who slid into my DMs asking for selfies, my Insta, tit and feet pics, or a full rundown of my kinks and sexual history: you need some Jesus. To the folks who told me to go to church and find some Jesus myself: I sincerely hope your lives are blessed with more kinks, tits, and feet pics.

Taking a break from Reddit now. Cheers!

Right now my boyfriend of ten years makes 115k and I (33F) make 47k and bills are split evenly except for a $37 discount per week in exchange for one extra hour of housecleaning on my part. (Edit for clarification - we split remaining chores.) This past couple months were the first time he ever paid part of my bills, because we moved into a more expensive rental.

I thought about it and feel it would be better for things to be more proportional so we could live a similar lifestyle. I've been going to food banks to afford rent in Seattle where he insists on living because it gives him access to a high paying tech job and his family and friends are close by (I have no friends and my family lives states away). My monthly rent is $1,600 after the $150/month discount in exchange for cleaning, which is financially irresponsible given my income level. We split the test of the utilities etc. bills right down the middle.

We are already living a different lifestyle - he spends hundreds of dollars on gym memberships each month for instance, which isn't in my budget.

I asked him as a hypothetical if he would still have me pay for half of bills if he were to make 300k a month and he said yes. He said he would take the extra money and retire before me. He says "why should I just give you my money" and justifies this by saying he makes more because he works harder and has a more stressful job. To be fair I see his point but this doesn't play out well in a relationship.

What particularly bothered me was recently we moved into an apartment he hated so he insisted on breaking the lease early, one month after moving in, and I told him that although I also didn't like it, I would prefer to stay there because I couldn't afford the extra several thousand dollars of expense to move early. Well he said we had to move because he couldn't take it, but he is having me pay the full half of those costs.

I'm feeling like he's not being a good partner. It feels like he's treating me like nothing more than a roommate.

I want to know if he is letting me know how little he values me in treating me this way. That's how this feels.

Edit: In response to all the comments along the lines of "This is what you feminists wanted, wasn't it?" - In my opinion this has nothing to do with feminism. I think that in a LTR where you are with someone you plan to be with for life, it logically makes sense to pool money despite a disparity in income so you two can have a similar quality of living and spend more time together. Male or female. I would do the same if I were the high earner, because to me that's what a loving relationship looks like. I've heard from dozens of women in these comments who also said they do that.

Edit: Thanks everyone for your feedback and time. I agree this isn't the right approach to a relationship; financial equity is best in a lifelong romantic partnership. At first I thought 50-50 split was reasonable even in a marriage-type relationship, but I totally changed my mind on this after giving it a lot of thought and reading through your comments. I have spent a couple hours reading the comments already and it looks like it will take me a few years to read the rest.

NEED ADVICE

So I’ve (31M) been dating this woman (29F) for almost 6 months now. I thought everything was going really well, we met each other’s family for the holidays, but last night she starts saying that she isn’t sure about us because I don’t offer to pay for things like her getting her nails done, getting waxing, etc. Says she doesn’t feel “safe” in instances where she is struggling to pay for these things and I haven’t offered. Also added that people in the past she has dated offered to pay for her nails for example after two dates.

To be clear, I make a good living in finance, own my house (we don’t live together), and paying for the things I described above are feasible. I guess I just wasn’t offering as I) we haven’t been dating for that long and II) she owns a business and has an income.

She then extrapolated this to if we were to get married, that she would want to be effectively SAH parent and wasn’t sure I’d be able to provide for us. We had discussed in the past my preference that the mother of my kids, whoever that is, would be able to be SAH initially but eventually I’d want them to work again. She previously seemed okay with this but last night seemed like she wasn’t.

So as the conversation went own she basically was saying that if we weren’t on the same page in terms of money then we shouldn’t continue the relationship, that she had been in a 4 year relationship previously that she knew year 1 wasn’t going to work and didn’t want to make the same mistake.

TBH I was blindsided by this conversation and thought we were falling in love. Now I feel like she’s ready to just move to the next guy if I don’t agree to this arrangement, which is pretty heartbreaking. Personally I would not even imply I wanted to break up over a disagreement like this, and I said I felt that for her to even say that indicated this is a situation where I like her more than she likes me. She in a roundabout way agreed, which was also heartbreaking.

Just needed to type this out. Everything was almost too good until this conversation, but feel like the proverbial mask slipped with how she went about this conversation. What would you do? Feel deep down if I have any self respect it’s over but want other people’s opinions.

The other day I asked whether it was worth joining yoga or dance classes to meet women, and to learn some new skills but mainly to meet women. The responses boiled down to 'you should never take up any hobby that you don't have a real interest in as it will become obvious'

Well, my REAL interests... reading, poetry, writing music, working out... are solitary pursuits or at least that's how I prefer to keep them.

The concerts I hit up are full of guys and the few women there are usually with a partner and there's limited opportunity to chat to them anyway when the music starts. Plus I love live music so I'm usually not even thinking about meeting people (sidenote that whole BS about how love finds you when you're not looking for it has proven to be a load of crap, I don't even meet people when I take that approach)

My Basketball league is male only. I joined a mixed volleyball league for a while and there were a few women but they were either taken or I wasn't attracted to them. Women on other teams we played I didn't have enough face to face contact with to get to know them.

Approaching women at shops or the gym isn't appreciated. However it is where I see most attractive women, I've done it before and will again if the opportunity seems right because a great relationship is worth risking 30 uncomfortable seconds but I know most women are taken off guard and usually they're just trying to go about their day undisturbed.

Art festivals and various unique events can be ways of meeting people but they're usually really expensive, few and far between and again most women presumably don't want to be hit on. It also seems to have gotten more difficult to strike up conversations with strangers nowadays - many people are wearing earphones which is like a do not disturb sign on a door handle, many just seem to get on edge when anyone they don't know interacts with them, even in social spaces.

Work is off limits for most people, and mine is full of middle aged men anyway.

Bars and clubs are obviously fertile grounds for single people to flock but I don't enjoy them anymore. I don't like drinking much these days, they're all obscenely expensive, and there seems to be a lot of aggression now, the last time I went out I had a guy try to pick a fight with me while I was minding my own business. I don't need that shit. Besides, the music is so loud that even if I see a cute woman what am I supposed to walk over and scream in her ear? Drunk hookups don't appeal to me anymore anyway, they never really did.

My friends are nearly all married and don't go out much anymore. No more house parties or spontaneous events.

Dating apps have become greedier and are crawling with window shoppers, scammers, sex workers. They worked well enough for me for a while but they have gotten steadily worse over the past few years and now I can hardly even find any profiles I'm interested in let alone get anyone out on a date, meanwhile my profiles gotten better if anything. Deleted them for now.

For the first time I'm really feeling like I'm shit out of luck. Like I missed the boat.

When people would complain about how they feel like the have no way of meeting people I would think 'come on, there are plenty of ways' but one by one they have shriveled up as I moved through my 20s.

I don't want to get desperate and drop my standards and I don't want to give up but the dating landscape is feeling more like a wasteland with every year

We went to cocktail bar last night with my wife and her friends, most of our friends are 27-31 age range, some married couples some single women.

The 2 of the single gals were complaining about the guys at the bar, or that most were paying more attention to chatting with the bartender or their phones.

I thought it was just my wife's friends but a LOT of women in dresses and heels were kind of standing around. Did something happen the last few years between men and women that I missed out on?

I haven't been single since 2018 but this was a bar I brought my wife to on our first date and we connected here.

Edit: common consensus seems to be that the juice isn't worth the squeeze. I guess things have changed a lot since 2018 when I left the market. It's really sad that both sides are so antagonistic towards each other.

I’ll do a TL;DR at the bottom

In 2012 I was 19 and went on a date with this girl we’ll call “Kaylee” she was 18.

Kaylee and I were talking for about two weeks before I decided to send it and ask her on a date, which I was pumped about because she was down for it.

Fast forward to our date night, when I picked her up from her place she was absolutely glued to her cellphone.

When she got in and I pulled out I asked her what do you want to listen to? We got a bit of a drive (we went about an hour away from where we lived to dinner) she said whatever I don’t care and was still glued to her phone.

Which didn’t bother me that much at this point because yeah we had an hour drive ahead.

So we get to the restaurant and I left my phone in my car, I still do it to this day when I go out to eat with someone, because I’m there for them if that makes sense.

We get in, get seated, and she’s still face deep in her cell (for context this was when Twitter/X was still big and she was obsessed with tweeting).

After we got our drinks she finally got off her cell and we talked for a few minutes. Didn’t last long, once her phone lit up she got right back on it.

So I sat there in silence and decided yep fuck this. I decided to say something along the lines of “can you stay off your phone long enough to have an actual conversation” and she hit me with “uh huh one second”.

I was floored.

Our waiter came back and took our orders but I was done with that date. I excused myself to go to the “bathroom” when in actuality I went to my waiter and asked for the bill.

Dude was confused because our food hadn’t come yet, I told the dude I wasn’t feeling it anymore. I told him I’d give him a $50 buck tip if he’d bring her food out and put mine into a to go box where the hostess was.

Dude was just stoked to make $50 bucks I think, I went back to our table and shocker she was tweeting.

Few minutes go by and the food comes, well hers, and chalked up some BS about “it’ll be a few more minutes” but gave me the nod that it was by the hostess.

So I excused myself again, acted like I was going to the bathroom, got my food, and left.

It took her nearly 45 minutes to realize that I never came back from the bathroom, I was about to pull into my driveway when she texted me “where r u?”

I didn’t answer, and a few minutes later she called and I answered it.

“Uhh hey Chief where are you at?”

“Oh I left, about to pull into my driveway”

“Lol that’s funny but seriously where are you?”

“I’m about to pull into my driveway”

It hit her that I legit left, it threw her 100% into a “nice girl” tantrum. Once that started I just hung up. I started getting more wild ass texts, calls, etc.

The funniest one was “I’m calling the police”

Okay cool, no crime was committed so waste their time I guess 💀

When she realized I was going to answer anymore, I guess she had one of her friends come get her.

Obviously I never heard from her after that night.

But man did she start a tweeting about me real quick 😂

TL;DR date wouldn’t stay off her cellphone on a date, even after I asked her to. I paid for our food and left her at the restaurant and hour away from where we lived.

inb4 you’re an asshole, I was 19 and fully understand that was shitty to do now.

Edit: women can share their yep fuck this, I’m out as well.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t feel desired, wanted, or cared about. He avoids any sort of intimacy with me and would rather spend any and all of his free time playing video games. I have gotten to the point where I feel hopeless and helpless in this relationship. I miss feeling wanted. I miss intimacy. He does not want to touch me. We can go weeks without kissing, days without talking and months without any sort of touch. I’ve tried talking to him about it, I’ve tried explaining to him that I need connection, but he just brushes me off and ignores what I say. What do I do? How do I initiate connection?

My wife 30f tracks my location on iPhone find my. I a 31m feel smothered and not free. We have 2 young kids and she stays at home while I work. We have no trust issues and a very nice wonderful relationship. She is not worried about me cheating. The last year or so she has been bugging me to share my location on my phone so she knows when where I am and when I am coming home from work etc. (I come home at random times, usually work at the office late) I told her I didn’t really want to do that because after years of being together, I feel a-little smothered, like I don’t have free will. All I do is go to the gym before she wakes up, then go to work, then come home and if I ever deviate from that routine she asks me “ what were you doing at Walmart”. Seems lame for it to bother me right?

Yesterday, I got off work alittle early and headed over to a jewelry store for Christmas shopping for her. It is next to a guitar center, I am a guitar player whom loves to check out new guitars. ( I would never buy something expensive without talking about it with her). I came home to “why did I spend an hour in guitar center instead of spending more time with her and the kids”.

It just makes me want to stop sharing my location but then it feels shady. What do you guys think? Am I being silly? I just don’t feel free as a person. She is in the bank, the emails, she can look at my phone whenever she asks, the Amazon’s and steamings and my journal. None of this feels mischievous or untrusting, it’s like she just loves me and wants to know everything I am up to and doesn’t see it as anything else.

Update: almost 1000 replies in the last 10 hours.

My conclusions: I spoke with her about it on a date (we dropped off the kids with grandma, I gave her the jewelry I bought her while she thought I was hiding out at guitar center and told her how I felt about the situation, that I don’t feel free or when she stalks me. She agreed it wasn’t cool but, told me she stalks me because she is waiting at home for me and feels trapped with both the young kids, as most of you stated, she was actually happy I was chillin at the guitar store on a Friday after work but was also really overwhelmed at home. I told her that the combination of her reading my journal and making me feel I could not buy her a surprise in peace made me feel trapped as well.

We are turning off location tracking for now; but I have promised to text her at the normal time I should leave work to let her know if I will stay late and to text her on the way home. I like that. She told me as for my location and journal she is to curious and needs them out of her vision. I will not leave my journal lying around the house in plain sight and expect her not to be curious. I agree with that. It may be hard for me not to look too.

Thanks for all the advice. I hope it helped some other here to…

Something’s to take away. Gals wanna know where you are, it’s not uncommon to share locations in relationships, more guys than you think are ok with that, more guys than you think are bothered by that.

Guys, I promise she is an amazing wife, I just need to communicate and she needs

My wife comes home and asks excitedly who did the dishes. She was disappointed when I said that I didn’t hand wash them. Why the fuck does it matter???

Mind you, when I was running the dishwasher, I was tidying up the rest of the house since I’m on PTO today.

Edit: stainless steel pots and pans can go in the dishwasher. We don’t use nonstick. We know chefs knives aren’t supposed to be dishwasher but we both do anyway. I do sharpen my knives a few times a year with a stone. I’m didn’t stick the cast iron in the dishwasher. Everything that went in the dishwasher was good.

Curious if any other guys feel this way. 30m. Employed. Not fat. Probably relatively ugly outside of the fact that I'm not fat. Not super successful or wealthy but have a solid career. Not a funny or charismatic person. Very introverted.

I think that if you graded me based off of all the things the average woman looks for in a prospective partner, I'm probably around a 3.

I'm not really interested in women that are physically less than maybe a 6. Obviously this is subjective, but trying to make a point. I have 0 physical attraction to probably at least 50 % of women. Fat women are immediately repulsive to me. I don't need to date a model, but I can't date a fat woman which immediately eliminates a large percentage of the pool.

I'm not entirely sure how to get beyond this. If I could flip a switch and find these women desirable, I would, but I just have absolutely no attraction to them at all.

I don't feel entitled to love or a relationship. I realize that my standards are disconnected from the reality of my circumstances, but don't feel like this is something I can control. I just can't date someone I'm not attracted to. I don't know how to get past that, and I feel that the alternative is just living a single life. I'm trying to find ways to accept this reality and to enjoy single life, but it's very difficult. I am a very emotional person and even though I'm very introverted, I feel like having a family would bring a lot of joy to my life. Accepting a life without that is a tough pill to swallow.

I’m 34 years old single woman. If you would ask me 10 years ago I would say that by now I will be driving a van as a proper soccer mom, have a husband, mortgage and someone to rally on. Instead I have a cat, drive a BMW, renting an apartment and live alone. Well, things didn’t go as planned… obviously 🤷🏻‍♀️ do men have the same thoughts? Would you change it?

Just something I’ve noticed since having kids. I 37f have been with my husband 40m for 15 years. We have 3 boys ages 8 and twins who are 3. My husband and I operate on the same scale. He works Monday - Friday 3 days at home 2 in the office. I work 3 days a week 2 days in the office. The twins go to nursery 4 days a week, mainly for their development. We didn’t want to wait till they were 4 for them to have interaction with other children (I know you can have interactions with other kids other ways but nursery to us was the best option and it’s paid off)

Husband drops all the kids off to school twice a week so I can have a lie on the days I’m not working. I drop them off on the other days. Husband makes dinner for us 4 times a week I cook the other three time. We alternate with the kids packed lunches etc. This works very well for us and it’s normal or should be normal. Even with household chores.

My friends some who have children and some who don’t are often surprised when some weekends my husband has the children so I can go out for a meal and catch up with my friends. They find it very odd, in a good way but I just don’t understand how that’s odd.

Surely when you decide to have children with someone you’re committed to them. There’s days especially when the twins were much younger where I’d get overwhelmed, I struggled with ppd, he would just take the kids to give me time to myself. On weekends he goes on a walk with them or go the park so I can get a chance to just even moisturise my face and dress nicely to feel good about myself. I do the same he meets up with his friends and has a good time with them. My friends who are married say how their husbands complain about them wanting to meet friends even for a couple hours because “who will look after the kids” it’s ridiculous to me.

I am aware my friends are a small sample for this but it seems to be a common occurrence and it makes no sense. Why get into a partnership if you can’t be partners. What really annoyed me was how one of my friends husband described taking care of his kids as babysitting ? They’re your children it’s not babysitting.

i've seen a lot of comments online saying that many men aren't open/vulnerable with women as it's later weaponized against them. i'm sure it looks different person to person, but i'm wondering what are some examples of this? is it really as common as i'm seeing online?

something like straight up verbal abuse ('you're weak', etc) is obvious, but there must be other things going on too that are more due to biases we have as women or how we were raised. curious about perspectives and experiences on this topic

I (32F) have been on 4 dates with someone I met from Tinder. We haven’t slept together or done intimate things, just talked and kissed a bit on the 4th date. We are not in a rush and taking it slow is preferred by the both of us to feel comfortable with each other. He has been consistently telling me I am cute and called me ”cutie” today.

This has been my experience my whole life. Men and women alike tell me often how I am ”so cute”, ”really cute”, in many different languages. The lovely waitress on our first date at a cafe told me I was ”gullig”, which is a mix of cute & adorable in Swedish (depending on how it’s said & body language).

I am short at 160cm but I love heavy weightlifting & working out so I am fit~ish (had some serious health issues this year so unfortunately lost some muscles). I don’t try to act cute but I am jolly and smiley by nature. Also a huge mix of south-east Asian heritage with big eyes and soft rounded features.

Compliments are amazing and being told I am cute is always nice. However, sometimes I just want to be ”sexy” or ”hot”.

Is there anything I could/should do? I am not a fan of tattoos or piercings on myself (they can be pretty on others) and not a massive risk-taker so I can’t do cool girl hobbies like extreme sports.

As a woman, I have noticed that many men who show interest in me seem to bond by either sharing their interests or their emotions, but the line seems to stop there. They tend not to reciprocate the questions or interest in getting to know my emotions or hobbies unless I specifically talk about them. I was just curious if there’s a reason men seem to not ask questions to women they’re interested in. Or is it just the men that I’m running into? How do men try and get to know or bond with women? TIA

Realistically, I know the answer is yes. I just want to hear from them in the comments.

As a woman in her 30s dating who wants a family but doesn’t have it yet, I would love to meet a man in the same situation.

It just seems everyone who wants kids by now has them. I can only imagine there is a man out there dreaming of finding an unmarried, childless woman in her 30s who also wants them.

If that’s you, can you share more about your approach on dating? I need a little hope and understanding of how to find them.

I take the idea of having kids very serious, which is part of the reason I haven’t done it or been married yet. Having them with the wrong person just seems nightmarish so it’s made me cautious.

EDIT: I didn’t expect such a huge response and can’t respond to everyone. What I will say is THANK YOU for sharing your insights and life situations. It is giving me hope and awareness that there are a bunch of us out there, we just need to find each other and find the right one. I pray for each and every one of you that you/we find our life partners. We deserve love, happiness and a family.

I just got stood up on a date.

The two two before this got cold feet and pulled out on the day - at least they had the courtesy to let me know. That's about as much as I can ask for these days.

I'm only managing to get about 1 in 10 women I talk to on dating apps out onto an actual date these days. Which doesn't seem that bad until I tell you that I'm extremely selective and only swipe right on about 3 or 4 women per week who I think I'll be compatible with and who don't look like window shoppers.

I'm also 6'5 fit and classically handsome with a very solid dating profile showcasing my hobbies and travels.

I'm respectful and engaging when I message women, much more so than the average guy from what I've seen and heard. I ask interesting questions, I weave humor into the conversation, I don't waste too much time talking online but I'm not pushy.

There really isn't a whole lot more that I can do to help my chances.

4-5 years ago when I was in my mid 20s my profile was worse, my personality wasn't as interesting, I was obsessed with working out, I had edgy humor, and yet everything was so much easier. Probably 50% of dating app conversations became real dates if I wanted them to.

Women actually pulled their weight and seemed dare I say enthusiastic to meet me. They even asked me questions unprompted from time to time. And they would even suggest meeting up. It feels like a fever dream now

My dating experience recently has been akin to Sisyphus pushing a ball of shit up an endless hill, and Atlas condemned to carry the weight of the entire fucking conversation.

I refuse to drop my standards so if these means I only have a date or two per year then so be it.

It's also one of the reasons I've resorted to approaching women in person - no more paying to be ignored by women who had no intention of even meeting you.

Although offline dating seems to have gotten harder as well. I have had a few dates with women I met this way (at least you can be sure that you're actually attracted to them before you have a date)

Disposable dating culture has been devouring itself - when everyone is cutting each other off at the slightest potential fumble fault flaw or foible in the interest of protecting their time and energy, it's no wonder that they're struggling to make meaningful connections. It also seems that ghosting and flaking has become so normalized that it's stranger when people actually communicate with you.

I've had women disappear when I take more than a few hours to reply, when I don't try to fuck them on the 2nd date... and these are women who claim they're looking for long term relationships, in their late 20s who should be more mature than the women I was meeting up with 5 years ago.

(then it seems like some guys can get away with murder once they're in a relationship but that's another topic)

If women have gotten collectively burned out with dating apps then where are they opting to meet guys, because it sure as shit doesn't feel like things are any easier in real life.

In fact it feels harder than ever to connect with women at bars or festivals these days - I remember 10 years back walking up and chatting to anyone about anything, that just doesn't really fly these days. I hardly even see guys approaching women anymore either.

If they're deciding to do their dating purely through mutual friends then I guess I'm out of the running.

Anyway as I said, I'm a tall, good looking, charismatic guy so If I'm struggling I can't imagine how tough things must be for under average guys, unless they're willing to drop their standards entirely.

I haven't dropped my standards but I have dropped my expectations to nothing so I'm pleasantly surprised by anything. It's a bit sad that it's come to this but there are only so many times you can be disappointed after getting your hopes up before you adapt accordingly.

I'm actually considering waving the white flag and giving up for a while. I don't think I'll meet anyone when I stop looking for it - I ran that experiment and I didn't have a single date for several years, but it's taking a heavy toll on my mental health now. It's just not fun anymore

Have I just had bad luck or have you noticed a shift in the dynamics as well?

What happened?

Me (35M) and my wife (36F), We dated for an year, followed by one year live-in and now it's been an year since we got married. Post the initial dating phase I noticed this pattern, whenever there is an outing planned with or visiting planned at people who are primarily my friends (long time friends ranging from 5 to 25 years of friendship), the very same day she will pick up a huge quarrel or argument. It would not be about the visit or going out, but it would absolutely be on the same day.

The structure of the argument will be that it would trigger from a very small thing, and she would pour out all her problems with me throughout our relationship and say that the trigger point was nothing, it's just that she had these things in her mind for quite sometime and she had to speak it out. Those points will be nothing new, the same 4-5 things I have heard, acknowledged and apoligised for over and over again each and everytime we have a quarrel.

What I am not able to understand is why this coincidence. Why it happens exactly the day we had planned to go out with my friends. This is not an one off case, ever since I noticed the pattern, I started counting it, and the count was 9/11 in the 6 months. The result would be that we would go there in a gloomy mood and stay very quiet. This doesn't happen if the visit is with any of her friends, it's only if the visit is at my friends, not any specific one or group, any friend. (PS, earlier, initially in relationship,she created huge scene when I met some of my friends alone. So I never go alone, always take her along)

Now I am an avoidant personality, I just stopped going, rejecting any invite from my friends by making some excuse or the other. They got the sense and thereafter stopped inviting me, and voila.. the quarrels stopped.

Now we had recently changed city, and I have a bunch of friends here as well. I tried to keep it a secret so that I don't have to visit them. But they got to know. Yesterday we were driving when they added me in a chat group and started planning a meetup for the night. This popped up on the car display and just within 15 minutes, her mood changed completely. I sensed this and I messaged them that 'it won't be possible for me today', but didn't tell her that to check if my hypothesis is correct. And voila, the same pattern repeates, same fight, same argument and everything.

Are there any one in the sub facing or has faced this kinda issue. What can be the reason of this? What am I missing?

P.S: I tried to point out once that 'Do you have a problem with me having friends? Why do you always do this when we have to go somewhere? Her response was 'how dare you project me as something I am not' .

Edits/Updates 1. Its not that we will not go to the gathering/party. Before I started rejecting the invites, we have gone every time except once. Even so that after the fight, if I say I am not in mood to go, she would force me to go like "No no, we have to go. If we don't go your friends will think I am the culprit" or "You are just doing this to make me appear as the bad person to your friends".

1. Since I don't talk to anyone anymore, having you all responding was, umm.. how do I put it. I can't be thankful enough. Reading and replying felt like I am with my friends who would really try to help me with suggestions and solutions (well of course before making fun of the situation, which is also great, helps to reduce the intensity / graveness of the situation). Anyways, the bottomline is I am really really grateful to have listening ears, even if anonymous strangers, it felt good.. no, it felt great. Thanks everyone for taking out time and responding. Thank you so much.

Update 2.

Someone in the comment section asked for what are those 4-5 things that she brings up every time. I responded and the person pointed out that I should have included it in the original post because it changes everything, and that she is justified in her behaviour. So I am posting them here, as truthfully as possible. My intention is not to gain any pleasure by getting support for me and hearing comments against my wife. I really want to understand the problem.

1. [ 3 yrs ago]I had been what a lot of people would call a 'player' and done a lot of casual dating before marriage. (Which I have only told her everything about to come clean with). I told her in the beginning that this is my past, if you have any issues then we will not go forward. Then she said she is okay. Now she brings this up and says this is an unresolved issue. However, ever since we started dating I have been completely away. Blocked all old contacts.
2. [ 1.5 yrs ago] I lied to her once. I met with a few of my friends alone, one of them had to catch a flight and was getting late, so I went to drop him. When she called I didn't say I was going to drop him and said we are still at the bar. Why did I lie, as I felt if I say I have gone to the airport, she will create a scene. But he checked my maps history and found out.
3. She complains I don't do enough at home and leave everything on her. Which is a blatant lie. We have our tasks shared as per her agreement, and we do it with responsibility for our part. Why am I calling it a lie, because when she brings this up and I say give me an example/incident, she will say, I don't have an example but you don't do enough.
4. I am a quiet introvert person (INTP), I don't express myself, I go numb when I see someone else emotional. This is a genuine issue and I am into therapy on myself to address this (which I haven't told her). But this leads to another thing, that since I shut down during and after an argument, She calls this as silent treatment used to abuse her. And since I am not good at handling emotions she can't express herself to me, and that makes her feel lonely.
5. Her close friends have achieved a lot, moving to a better country, buying apartments, having kids, wealth etc. I am a qualified, well salaried person. (I come in top 0.3% of the people) But I had focused on enjoying life, spending on experiences, travel, cars.. but not much on savings and asset building. Moreover I lost my job within 3 months of getting married and was unemployed for about 7 months. So I had not been able to give her the life she imagined with me off late. She makes this an issue. I feel there was no dearth of me trying to get a job however. She also accepted that I am trying hard. You will get a sense of it if you visit my comments section on my profile. In context of meeting friends, I don't feel 3-4hrs on a weekend, twice a month would have a huge effect on job search.
6. [1.5 yrs ago] Once she had her friend, spouse and kid over at our place for a couple of days. Kids love me so I spent most time with the kid and talked a little less with them. Moreover I was going through a tough time at job and one night we were drinking and I slept early. But the next day I drove them down to a tourist place, and drove around 500kms. But someway she felt I was mistreating them, and they also said something about me behind my back to her. She really loves to bring this up in spite of that before and after this, she had friends, family, relatives over, staying at our place, and all of them have just praised me with adjectives like "gem of a person, super cool guy, best guy etc." One of her friends even went to the extent to say that "I wish my husband was like him" etc, of course behind my back, but she told me that's why I know. But still she would bring up that one particular couple who bitched about me to her and said I had misbehaved with them.

Have you ever tried to give your partner what you thought would be a “sexy” gift for them — but instead it went wrong, and wasn’t well received by them?

If so, why did it miss the mark?

I’m unfortunately back in the dating pool in my late 30s. What are some red flags to look out for in dating profiles? For me, if I see the words “provider” or “princess” or “spoil me” it just gives me the ick. I make decent money and can afford to pay for everything on dates if I wanted to (I always pay for the first date even if they offer to split). But if they never offer to pay for anything after a few dates I just feel used.

Like sure, if we’re married and have a family together let me be the provider but we’re not there, we’re not even in an exclusive relationship, I’m still trying to get to know them.

I am 37M. I have been with my GF (34F) for 10 years. We have a 5 and 1.5 year old together. Our relationship is pretty much co parenting. We have sex maybe 5-10 times a year and our communication is mainly about the kids.

I have turned numb when we argue and barley respond back like I use to, mainly because for the kids and for my sanity. We're not married and I have spoken to her about separation a couple of times but some how I cannot picture my life without my kids. I honestly want this to work because I love my kids so so much.

Not sure where life will take me, but it is normal for us to not speak much. I think she feels the same way, but because of the kids and I am the bread winner (I pay for 90% of life essentials like mortgage, utilities, etc) she stays. I am just disappointed TBH. I thought I can have a best friend for a partner, someone to laugh and be silly with sigh.

Anyone in here in a similar boat?

I’m in the doghouse for being honest about this.

I was asked the question as a hypothetical and I said yes it would bother me.

Obviously weight gain is unavoidable in some situations like pregnancy, illness, disability and I also acknowledged this.

But I believe in putting constant effort into impressing your partner. Staying in shape is part of this.

I suspect most men, if they’re honest would agree, but maybe not?

It bothers me that those who are honest about this are considered the evil ones and those who lie are considered the nice ones.

I'm 32 years old male. Dating in your 30's is hard.

When I was 25/26, I was often approached by women interested in relationships, but I turned them down because I wanted to focus on spending time with friends and advancing my career. Many of those women are now married.

Now, I’m in better shape, financially independent, and ready to start dating seriously.

I began dating two years ago and have met many women, but most weren't compatible. Some weren’t mentally prepared for dating, while others were cheating on their partners, controlled by their parents, or rude to restaurant staff, among other issues.

In these two years, I’ve had three long-term relationships, all of which eventually ended. Those women are still single. I recently broke up with someone I had been seeing for 6 months because she was overwhelmed with work, under pressure from her parents to marry me, and dealing with PTSD from her divorce.

Now, I’m back on dating apps, but I keep seeing the same profiles I saw a year ago. My aunt is trying to set me up with two women. One (32, in the same career as me) hasn’t responded, and the other (26) might find me too old.

I feel like I’ve missed my chance. Dating in December feels particularly difficult since it’s such a busy, social time of year. Being an extrovert, I enjoy being out and about, which makes it harder to focus on dating.

Update: Thanks for the comments everyone. I hope I can reply to all of you. I am feeling much better now. Thank you 😊

Update 2: Thanks for the comments. I've got 4 dates planned in next few weeks. Hopefully it works out.

We’ve been together for nearly 2 years. We were coworkers, went to couple of trips(some of them was business trips) and she seem fun. Things got evolved and we are here. I moved to her city, which my family also live(I live with them mostly.) because she has a dog and want to have time with it. She loves me. I’m sure about that. But she is so unadventurous. She rarely gets excited on the plans on outside, she never have to urge to socialize etc and it started to push me away. We never argued or got into a fight for 2 years. We have a good communication, but:

• I love to travel, she say so. But we never done it. I offered have 3 times, one time I also purchased the concert tickets for a festival. Declined because of finances but bought herself a watch and furniture instead, costed 2x.
• I love bars and I had a band to play. She is sluggish, don’t like to drink that much and feels disturbed in the places with loud music. We’ve gone to a EDM festival and she got headache and heart palpations.
• She has no friends in this city, even she grow up here. I introduced her to my friends but she seems distant and does not adapt. She does not smoke, drink or do anything etc. People want to have fun but she is nervous around people which she does not know well.
• She never does anything spontaneous. Try to plan everything even it is a small coffee date.
• She is playing games until late time. Wakes up 1PM. We don't have same topics to talk, because nothing happens.
• I also have ADHD and want to be stimulated. I want to discuss mentally stimulating things and I want to travel. I want to have fun in festivals.

I make a shit ton of money, relative to my country. I can do whatever I want, also help her to to join me. But her lack of passion is driving me insane and takes off the joy.

Should I break up? I talked her that I started to become unhappy, because I lost my circle, passions, hobbies etc. She said she will change but I dont believe it is possible.

EDIT: I don't feel that unhappy. Just feeling like I started rotting and it will get worse if I stay.

EDIT2: No, I’m not a party guy, or does not do clubbing etc. I play blues harmonica, I mostly prefer to listen blues/jazz, and the places I invited her not always EDM festivals. They were also some historic trips or nomading through Balkans. She is not interested in history. If she was interested, I’d rearrange. She plays piano. I can play 5 instruments and music is my life. I asked her to lets play together for couple of hours a week if you want, we can compose and I can learn the songs you play. She seem interested but thats it. Never did it again. The problem is her lack of openness and not having the passion to try new things. Not her introversion.

I haven’t dated for over 10 years and I wasn’t single long. Before that it had been a stretch of over 5 years that I didn’t date. When I was dating, the norm was to maybe be talking to a couple different people, but if you went on a date, and continued to see that person, there was an understanding that you weren’t going on dates with anyone else. This was especially true if you were sleeping with someone. Even without specifically saying that you were exclusive.

Seeing posts now, it looks like the norm is to be dating and/or sleeping with multiple people until the two of you specifically and verbally agree to being exclusive.

When I was in the dating scene, the was the DTR (define the relationship) talk, but this was usually just to clarify if the relationship was going to continue, be long term, or start telling others you were in a relationship. It wasn’t typical to be going on dates or sleeping with other people before this talk.

I’m married and not looking to get into the dating scene. Just curious about when did this shift happened and how long people typically date someone before deciding to not date or sleep with other people?