r/AmIOverreacting • u/bluehedgehog7 • 1d ago
👥 friendship AIO? “Best friend” invited my ex and her new boyfriend out without telling me.
So as the title says, my best friend (or someone I used to call my best friend) invited my ex (whom I introduced him to) and her new boyfriend (whom my ex left me for) to hang out. It wasn’t just the 3 of them, it was a group of friends — but it was OUR group of friends. He was the one who arranged the plans though.
He thought I wouldn’t find out, but when I inevitably did, I maturely confronted him about it. I wasn’t angry, but very stern with conveying my emotions. I told him that him inviting the whole friend group, especially my ex and her new boyfriend, really hurt me and felt like a betrayal, not just by him, but by everyone involved. When I confronted him, he told me that he “invited her without really thinking about it” and that “it was too late” to invite me because he had already invited her. Note: he did admit that he felt the need to hide it from me because he knew it would hurt my feelings, so his reasoning for not telling me was to avoid me getting hurt. Also keeping in mind, I introduced my ex to this particular friend group, which (for me) makes matters worse because I feel like I’ve been shut out of my own friend group because of the breakup.
If it were just the friend group hanging out without me, I wouldn’t really mind. What bothers me is that not only did he invite my ex, whom I had just freshly broken up with, but he also invited her new boyfriend, which made the situation really sting for me considering she got with this guy less than a month after we broke up.
This happened months ago and we did have a mature conversation about it. I’ve tried to move past it, I’ve even hung out with him a few times, but it’s undeniable that our friendship is not the same. Deep down I’m still holding this grudge. Am I overreacting by being this upset about it still?
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u/Normal_Youth_1710 1d ago
I’m confused. Your ex boyfriend went out with your best friend who is dating the guy your ex boyfriend left you for?
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u/bluehedgehog7 1d ago
No, my guy best friend essentially invited out my ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend (the guy she left me for). Sorry for the confusion
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u/Normal_Youth_1710 1d ago
Thank you for the clarification. I think I read this as you being a girl and that’s why I was confused but either way you’re NTA NOR
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u/These-Squash8193 1d ago
It could have been harmless but him hiding it to spare your feelings begs the question of what else he/they would hide. I don't think its justification for tossing the whole friend group but id be more wary about how i deal with them going forward. It's important to take into account if this is a pattern of behavior. Id also watch and see how they would treat your future partner. How did he think he could hide this, did he ask others in the friend group to keep it to themselves? Cause that would really be a reason to toss the group.
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u/bluehedgehog7 1d ago
I think he just kind of assumed I wouldn’t find out. I don’t know if he told everyone to keep it a secret from me, but everyone knew that me and my ex girlfriend had just recently broken up so I think they all collectively knew not to let me know. But yeah, it has severely ruined my trust with my friend at the least. I don’t talk to him nearly as much as I used to.
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u/No_Acanthisitta7143 1d ago
NOR and the whole friend group is shitty. If they aren’t with u they are against u
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u/nilaq 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sounds like they don’t respect you and/or openly disregard your feelings. The fact that everyone involved thought it was OK or wouldn’t hurt your feelings is weird.
You are not overreacting, any normal person would probably be more upset that you seem to be. This is just a bizarre thing to do by supposed “friends”