r/AmIOverreacting • u/According_Flight_816 • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for being upset that my boyfriend didn’t get me a Christmas present?
I (27F) have been dating my (25M) boyfriend for coming up on 3 1/2 years. We have been loving together for about a year and a half, and I’ve noticed overtime that he doesn’t want to do as much with me/for me since moving in. I’ve gone on week long work trips in which he doesn’t text me/call me to check in, he doesn’t take me out on dates anymore, and we really don’t do much other than work and hang out at home. Yesterday morning I was super excited to open gifts as a family (we have 2 dogs that I bought gifts for) and towards the end he went in his video game room to check on something. I told him I still have a couple things for him, and his response back to me was “well I didn’t, sorry.” Shocked, I responded, “Really?” And he stated that he didn’t know what to get me so he just didn’t get me anything because he didn’t wanna get just random stuff. I told him that it’s Not that I need a gift or anything, but I worked really hard on all of this (I decorated the entire house, I bought 95% of the gifts for our families, I wrapped all our gifts, and I cooked for the family gathering we were having at his parents’ house later).” His response was “okay…” it was super awkward and I stormed out of the room with tears welling in my eyes. Nonetheless, I shoved my emotions aside as much as I could and gave him his gifts shortly after. He told me I could take them back (I could tell he felt bad) and I told him no because i genuinely wanted him to have them, regardless of him not getting anything. He hasn’t brought anything else up about this since yesterday, and I want him to know how hurt I am, but I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding selfish. And it’s not like we discussed not doing gifts this year, as we’ve gotten each other gifts every year since we started dating. He also didn’t mention anything about finances (he bought a few things for his family) nor did he ask me if there was anything I was wanting. So am I overreacting?
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u/SignOne2137 1d ago
You’re not overreacting. This isn’t just about the gift; it’s about feeling unappreciated and the lack of effort overall. I’d suggest sitting him down calmly and explaining how this made you feel—not to make him feel bad, but to address the bigger issue of effort and connection in the relationship.
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u/Good_Ice_240 1d ago
You’re not OR. But thinking he felt bad is just ridiculous. He really didn’t care at all OP. If he cared, he would’ve done something about it. There are no excuses I’m afraid. Your BF is an Ahole. Get out now and go enjoy your life. Then meet someone who deserves you!
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u/flora_lynn 1d ago
You’re not overreacting at all and I wish I could reach through this screen and give you a hug. My heart aches for you and I’m so so sorry this happened…
Actions, always and without fail, speak louder than words.
Instead of putting in the effort to figure out what to get you, he simply decided not to try at all. In response to you expressing your hurt and disappointment, he said “okay” and expressed some form of remorse but at no point did he apologize, acknowledge how you were feeling, or even communicate a way in which he would try to make it up to you.
You love him way more than he loves you.
You care way more than he cares about you.
It wouldn’t be selfish to revisit this with him and tell him exactly how you’re feeling. From there, decide if this is something you can work through or if it’s worth it to walk away.
Because the first time someone shows you themselves, believe them.
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u/Pleased_Bees 1d ago
Not overreacting. He's not interested in you. Move on and find someone who actually cares.
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u/fanofthethings 1d ago
Actions speak louder than words. He’s showing you exactly who he is. Only you can decide if that’s the future you want.
Please realize you deserve better than the non-existent effort he’s putting in. NOR
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u/Wait-What1327 1d ago
NOR. Yes, you did want a gift because that's what happens on Christmas between people in loving relationships. They exchange gifts. The problem is that it doesn't seem that you are in a loving relationship. It actually doesn't seem like you are in a relationship at all. He sounds like a roommate who could give 2 shits about you. It's time to think about taking the dogs and leaving.
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u/gigglingpetalskip 1d ago
It's natural to feel hurt when effort and thoughtfulness aren’t reciprocated, especially when you put so much into making the holiday special. It’s not about the gift itself but the lack of effort, and it's okay to let him know how it made you feel in a calm, honest conversation.
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u/TrentonMarquard 1d ago
You’re not overreacting at all. He doesn’t love you. I’m a horrible gift giver and hate going shopping and whatnot, but even if I never spent a bunch of time and money shopping to get my girlfriend at the time something for their birthday or Christmas, there’s absolutely NO WAY I wouldn’t make sure I got them something. That’s insanity. I actually always felt bad even after getting my girlfriends a couple/few different things because they always outdid me and I felt like a shitty boyfriend. I couldn’t imagine how horrific I’d feel not getting her anything at all… unless of course I didn’t give a shit at all, which is most definitely the case with your partner. I’m so sorry.