Aio for my husband betraying my trust

[u/Illustrious_Feed3575]

First time posting, long time lurker. My husband (m39) and I (f37) have three daughters together, 4,4, and 3 months. We have a tumultuous relationship with his parents because he has been screwed over multiple times by them. One event that happened was he lost over 700k on a house Investment that was suppose to be his but his parents ended up “ needing the money” (happened before marriage). I don’t trust them at all because they are the kind of people that only do something for someone if it benefits them. I have told my husband multiple times I don’t want anything to do with them when it comes to money because i think they have ulterior motives and I will never want to be indebted to them. He keeps forgiving them and allowing them back into our lives.

A little backstory, his parents have never liked me because I hold boundaries and I make it clear that I cannot be bribed or manipulated. So they have always found ways to make me the bad guy and leave me out for example this Christmas they got everybody a gift except for myself.

Now for the mistrust situation, when our 3 month old daughter was born His parents were insistent on getting her Social Security number and I told my husband absolutely not. I don’t trust them and I’m not going to have anybody have her social except for us. He agreed with me and I thought we had moved on. Well, last night I found out that he did end up, giving his parents her social behind my back to “open a bank account” and did not tell me about it. I am furious and we had a big blow up fight about it and he had double down on it saying I’m the asshole now because i was questioning him about the event and how it occurred.

I feel that if his parents wanted to open a bank account that he could’ve opened the bank account himself and they could’ve wired the money into our daughters account. I don’t trust their motives and I don’t like the fact that they have her Social Security number. When I’m asking about the terms of the account, he knows nothing. I asked him how they get the money and he has no answer . We are still not talking and now he is mad at me.

So am I over reacting for not wanting to give our daughters social to anyone even if it is “grandparents”.

[u/[deleted]]

Based on the history? Not overreacting. They could literally ruin her life before she can even walk. The fact he’s blaming you is a major red flag

[u/umamifiend → u/[deleted]]

Yeah. I would do a full credit check and find out if they actually opened credit cards in her name. There’s simply no reason they need it. Period.

Grandparents normally make trusts if they are putting money into an account for grandchildren. The only reasons I can think of them asking for it bases on history are for slimy reasons.

[u/OutcomeSpare9515]

Under certain circumstances you can apply for a new SS number. I think I would try to do this or at the very least run a credit check every year. This is awful what nonsense. Good luck

[u/RockerStubbs]

NOR! He went behind your back, wtf?? What is the reason that his parents need her ss#?? I can’t think of one reason that isn’t shady.

I would be frequently running a background check on that ss#, and look into getting notified if any cards or accounts are opened using it. Also keeping an eye on the actual bank account.

You have a husband problem OP, he can’t say no to his manipulative parents. With that dynamic, if you want to stay with him, you guys need counseling.

[u/Lahotep]

NOR

[u/Hard_Pass_1]

NOR. He did something that he knew you didn't want him to do. Although really he just probably did it to keep the peace. It was either that or he would have had to tell his parents that he wasn't going to give him the number because you don't want them to have it. That would have caused problems I'm sure. That's what he should have done but it sounds like he chickened out. Either that or he just doesn't respect you.