How to lose a guy in 5 minutes

[u/hedonistic_Barberry]

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[u/tehCharo]

I've been told I was "good second husband material, you'd take care of me and my kids after my first marriage falls apart". I didn't, and still don't know how to take that one, lol.

[u/Amateurmasterson → u/tehCharo]

It means she thinks you’re a pushover

[u/Drake_Acheron → u/Amateurmasterson]

I find it hilarious when my kindness is mistaken for weakness. The fish out of water look gets me every time.

[u/Stop_Sign → u/Drake_Acheron]

"You tell me it's a cruel world and we're all running around in circles. I know that. I've been on this earth just as many days as you.

When I choose to see the good side of things, I'm not being naive. It is strategic and necessary. It's how I've learned to survive through everything.

I know you see yourself as a fighter. Well, I see myself as one too. This is how I fight."

-Waymond Wang

[u/wenfield → u/Stop_Sign]

So, even you have broken my heart yet again, I wanted to say… In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.

[u/VaderOnReddit → u/wenfield]

Having been in a very similar situation as Waymond was when he said this quote, that scene absolutely broke me the first time in the theater. Just the raw authenticity and emotion from every word Waymond uttered.

And now your comment has broken my heart yet again.

[u/MarinLlwyd → u/VaderOnReddit]

That motherfucker left acting for decades then came back just to make me cry.

[u/Robopatch → u/VaderOnReddit]

I also cried during those scenes. I’d never heard my own thoughts expressed like that until Waymond said them.

[u/Robofink → u/Robopatch]

Same. Pour one out for Waymond Wang.

[u/RockstarAgent → u/VaderOnReddit]

I always told my ex - I just wanted to be with her- home was wherever she’d be. Now I’m homeless - but I don’t regret it.

[u/LukesRightHandMan → u/RockstarAgent]

I saw the movie twice in theaters with my ex. She’d lived an entirely sheltered life until she met me, and I blew the doors of that world wide upon. At one point she asked me to ask her to marry her, and I obliged. Then she broke up with me over the phone a month later when I was out of town visiting my family. Saw her for about 20 seconds when she came to pick up her things and that was it, and she was full of hate and spite for a reason I still don’t know.

It broke my heart, still does. But if she hadn’t fucked off into the ether, there’s a good chance I would never have met my fantastic current partner and her family, who embraced me as one of their own even as my gender identity evolved, something I’d have trouble with with my own family if they knew. Her mom died last year and we’ve been there for each other through that, and she went through and finished grad school a few months ago (her diploma just arrived today), and I’ve been able to celebrate that with her too. My gal’s introduced me to 🎵 a whole new world 🎶 this time, and I’m grateful for that.

Do I still hurt sometimes? Most definitely. And maybe in another life I’m happily doing laundry with my ex. But I wouldn’t trade what I have now for that, because being accepted for who I am and appreciated for the work I put into myself and my relationships is priceless.

[u/usr_bin_laden → u/Stop_Sign]

Inspiring stuff. I find the world a terribly cruel and absurd place, and yet I force myself to live with joy and light and music and dancing. If I stop laughing, I'll cry from the terrible depression.

[u/Pistonenvy2 → u/Stop_Sign]

that scene (and really entire movie) absolutely destroyed me.

an absolute masterpiece.

[u/StriveToTheZenith → u/Stop_Sign]

My mind went to this place exactly

[u/Liberalhuntergather → u/Stop_Sign]

This is really good, whats it from?

[u/FullMetalCOS → u/Liberalhuntergather]

Everything Everywhere All At Once

It’s a little overrated on Reddit (it had some pacing issues and some of the jokes either didn’t land or were just NOT funny), but the emotional core of the movie was really very beautiful

[u/Shmigzy → u/Stop_Sign]

Oh great just gonna go and fucking CRY NOW.

[u/ExistentialRead78 → u/Drake_Acheron]

Same. I'm really chill, patient, generous. But if you cross me it's all over and I don't forgive.

I'm not saying that's a good thing, just a fact that I have a very hard time forgiving, especially when people make the problem about me not forgiving and not about how they would never have betrayed my trust.

[u/Thuryn → u/ExistentialRead78]

It's not necessarily a bad thing either.

If you give and give and give and they STILL fuck you over, that lack of forgiveness has been earned.

At that point, it's on them to earn it.

If they can do so, great. That would be impressive, actually.

If not, well, it's not YOUR fault that they were assholes in the first place. We started with "chill, patient, generous." As long as that was really true, then the I don't think the description of you being "unforgiving" is fair.

The fact that they earn consequences is not due to a lack of forgiveness. It's due to you having a limit - which you deserve to have and is necessary - and them crossing it.

That's on them, not you.

[u/No-Stranger-4079 → u/Drake_Acheron]

I’m pretty sure the surprised pikachu face my ex-wife made when I dipped  could be seen from space. 

[u/MansonMonster → u/tehCharo]

Tell her she is good second wife material: someone else needs to break her spirit for her to get therapy and finaly become a normal human being for someone else

[u/ProbablyNotPikachu → u/MansonMonster]

DAMN that's the best response I've seen here yet.

[u/driving_andflying → u/MansonMonster]

Tell her she is good second wife material: someone else needs to break her spirit for her to get therapy and finaly become a normal human being for someone else

We have a winner!

For serious: It sounds like the woman in OP's pic told her boyfriend, "Yeah, you're my fallback guy when my slut phase is over."

Wow. He should look for someone who values him more.

[u/TRR462 → u/driving_andflying]

I’m sure he probably felt like a “temporary” boyfriend until someone sexier or wealthier shows up. No use waiting for that other shoe to drop. If she wouldn’t hookup with him, he’s got to be questioning if she’s even attracted to him. He should bail and find someone more interested in who he is.

[u/stemroach101 → u/tehCharo]

Take that one by walking the fuck away

[u/HolyHandgrenadeofAn → u/tehCharo]

You my desperation choice. In other words “I’d sleep with you so I don’t starve and be homeless”. Nah, you’re better than that.

[u/Conscious_Bus4284 → u/HolyHandgrenadeofAn]

For Jenny, it was Forest.

[u/HolyHandgrenadeofAn → u/Conscious_Bus4284]

Run Forest, RUN!

[u/LuchaConMadre → u/Conscious_Bus4284]

And he almost caught hiv

[u/Conscious_Bus4284 → u/LuchaConMadre]

Jenny: “Hi Forest. Now that I’ve spurned your love countless time, let everyone in North America run a train on me, took lots of drugs, and caught the most incurable, deadly disease known to man at this time and in so doing became a single mom, I’ll love you now that you are a shrimp billionaire.”

Forest: “Okay Jenny!”

[u/MagusUnion → u/Conscious_Bus4284]

That's basically why I hate that movie. It's disability exploitation from his point of view. Sure, it's a great way to highlight awareness in society for when this happens. But the resolution of the film still has Forest holding the bag for her terrible actions in a world that still doesn't understand him.

[u/mortgagepants → u/MagusUnion]

he gets a son that will one day be on the show "entourage". and he gets all that sweet "i'm a widower" sympathy love.

could have been worse for him. VA probably told him his wounds weren't service connected.

[u/novaleenationstate → u/Conscious_Bus4284]

She bought him a sick pair of Nikes once though, let’s not forget that.

[u/2catcrazylady → u/LuchaConMadre]

It wasn’t HIV, it was Hep C.

[u/Ormild → u/HolyHandgrenadeofAn]

I was told by a female coworker that I was, “the type of guy girls date after they are done dating assholes.”

That one fucked me up for a long time. I get her intention, but that ruined my confidence for a while.

[u/weak_pimp_hand → u/tehCharo]

I got the flip-side. Was told I'd be great first husband material because I'm responsible and would pay my alimony/child support and be there for the kids.

This is something her mom told her and for some reason she thought it was a good idea to share.

[u/JayMeadows → u/weak_pimp_hand]

On that note; Get a Prenup, boys! And wear a rubber, just in case.

[u/Padaxes → u/JayMeadows]

Prenup won’t save you from alimony and child support. Only what you bring in to begin with. Don’t marry young. Likely don’t marry at all.

[u/Sudden_Juju → u/tehCharo]

It sounds like a "You're safe but not fun/exciting" type of deal. Like a Toyota Corolla rather than a Corvette or Lambo (if they had really high expectations for the first marriage).

[u/midgethemage → u/Sudden_Juju]

This was my thought too. Like she sees him as someone she'd go for once she's more mature and not looking for a thrill anymore

She still said it in the worst way imaginable

[u/Count_Backwards → u/midgethemage]

Is there a good way to say it?

[u/Sudden_Juju → u/midgethemage]

For sure! It was definitely among the rudest ways to say that without actually saying it. Even if worded in the best way, it's still not really a compliment lol

[u/Shnapple8 → u/tehCharo]

ROFL. If I was a man, I know how I'd take it. I'd run. It means that she has no intention of staying with whoever she marries first time around, but if kids happen, they get to be the collateral damage of a broken marriage.

As terrible as that is, I can't help laughing.

[u/Black-Zero → u/tehCharo]

Simply make sure you never marry that person.

[u/Tentrilix → u/tehCharo]

plan C 💀

[u/hotmanwich → u/tehCharo]

I accidentally walked in on my best friends wife quickly changing at work (we had a gear room for outdoor equipment she was using to change out of uniform) and my friend rushed to block me from entering the room before he stopped and said "oh wait, it's just hotmanwich, he gives off no sex offender vibes" and opened to let me in, despite his wife changing right there. I did not go in til she was done lol.

Still the best compliment I've received to this date. Also one I've pondered on for a while. All 3 of us are still besties to this day, years later lmao. 

[u/Sweedish_Fid → u/hotmanwich]

a little while back I was friends with a younger woman and she told me I was the least threatening man she's ever met. I'm not sure if that was a compliment or not, but I'll take it as one.

[u/Brootal_Troof → u/Sweedish_Fid]

A better way to put it would be that she feels safe with you. That's a compliment.

[u/sycamotree → u/Brootal_Troof]

It could be good or bad depending on the girl. Safe should mean good but it doesn't always

[u/DarkChaos1786 → u/Sweedish_Fid]

In my college years, some female friends use to sleep in my room because it was close to the campus, only 1 double bed(mine) and one single mattress for guests, in more than one occasion they would go from the floor to my bed because it was more comfortable, and strangely enough they more often than not would end up dangerously close to me by the morning, one of those friends had absolutely no problem in flaunting her underwear while being there, I never had anything beyond a close friendship with them, when asked they all would say that they felt safe around me.

It's a compliment with a trick, my first college girlfriend used to say that too, and was willing to go further but she waited until I made a move, she never stopped praising my ability to make her feel safe though, 2 decades later she's still in contact with me, and whenever she feels pressured, afraid or anxiety she still talks to me.

[u/RiotDesign → u/DarkChaos1786]

2 decades later she's still in contact with me, and whenever she feels pressured, afraid or anxiety she still talks to me

That's actually really sweet.

[u/Kriegerian → u/tehCharo]

She thinks you’re a wallet.

[u/Dhegxkeicfns → u/tehCharo]

I think my response would have been something along the lines of, "no thank you." Maybe "I'm not looking for any more projects."

[u/karmazynowy_piekarz → u/tehCharo]

Wow , that would hurt me a lot. Meanings she doesnt respect you at all, but sees your virtues. Red flag

[u/coldy9887]

I was a groomsman to a wedding because the groom said“ I had no one else really to invite” twice while drinks were involved. On one hand I was honored but on the other hand I am like bruh… rather would’ve not known.

[u/Jahobes → u/coldy9887]

If anything. It's more sad for him. He is basically saying you are the only dependable friend he has got.

Bro needs a bro a hug.

[u/googleHelicopterman → u/Jahobes]

Yeah that's how I would take it "Thanks for coming, Appreciate it"

[u/Majestic_Wrongdoer38 → u/googleHelicopterman]

This, I would be touched that I’m their closest friend.

[u/AmbassadorFrank → u/Jahobes]

As someone who is partially putting off marriage because of this- yes. It's sad not having friends lol

[u/hallescomet → u/AmbassadorFrank]

Same. I'm not putting it off cause it'll happen when it happens, but I'm kinda dreading the ceremony. My partner has a big family and several friends, I'm only on speaking terms with maybe 5 people in my family (neither of my parents being on that list) and maybe a couple acquaintances. I can't help but picture how empty my side is going to be 😕

[u/negative-nelly → u/hallescomet]

You don’t have to have “sides”.

[u/EmceeCommon55 → u/Jahobes]

I was the best man at my brother's wedding and all except one of his groomsmen bailed on the bachelor party. I didn't speak to any of them at the wedding. Pieces of shit.

[u/Candid_Working_4124 → u/coldy9887]

I was invited to my best friend’s (a girl) wedding (I’m a guy and have a wife and happily married and she was fine with our friendship). My friend and I spent lot of time together and took care of each other always while growing up like a sibling would I guess. She has been my friend since we were 12yo and we never had any kind of a romantic involvement

Her husband while not my friend was fine with me and we got along really well. Her wedding was during the pandemic and The day of the wedding after a couple of drinks she told me that she only had like a 100 spots for the wedding and she invited me cuz one of her long distance cousin couldn’t come and so she had a spot and was happy I could come cuz I was her school only friend so I was like 100 and something priority for her and just some friend.

She was my best friend for years, she was one of my priorities of guests when I got married, she was like a sister to me. I was just a school friend and barely made the list.

[u/Liscetta → u/Candid_Working_4124]

That's sad. But it's a blessing because it allowed you to re-evaluate this one sided relationship.

[u/Candid_Working_4124 → u/Liscetta]

Yes it was sad, I could gone by without knowing that, but it’s better to know I guess to re-evaluate as you say, now my wife is my only best friend, as it should be

[u/pwolf1771 → u/Candid_Working_4124]

It’s wild when you find out shit like this also very eye opening. Sadly it does make you reflect back and wonder about some of the energy you wasted on this friendship that didn’t mean anything to them.

[u/NikaChica2006 → u/Candid_Working_4124]

This is devastating, I’m so sorry!!! In college while I was going through some hard times, my BEST FRIEND who I thought would be with me until one of us died, ghosted me with zero explanation after we had gotten each other through high school and college as a duo of misfits. I thought she was the sister I never had and she threw me away like garbage and I never got closure. Realizing that what you thought was an extremely meaningful friendship was only ever one-sided is one of the worst feelings in the world.

[u/Candid_Working_4124 → u/NikaChica2006]

I’m sorry to hear that too, it’s really disappointing to understand it’s so one sided, that actually made me less open with new friends and acquaintances

[u/NikaChica2006 → u/Candid_Working_4124]

Absolutely, gave me trust & abandonment issues that I still struggle with and it was over 10 years ago now.

[u/hideao101 → u/coldy9887]

I was my brothers best man because he basically alienated All his guy friends over the years. Even now he has no real friends because he’s kind of an ass

[u/KidHudson_ → u/hideao101]

Y’all just made me realize that I really need guy friends, all of my friends are chicks(and ducks)

[u/failuretocommiserate → u/KidHudson_]

Chickens and ducks, or women and ducks?

[u/xTheatreTechie → u/coldy9887]

I got one worse.

I was the best man.

Groom tells me he's kinda lonely and has few other friends so he picked me as I was the one he was closest to.

Well after that I tried my best to be a better friend to him, but we stopped talking entirely about 2 years after his wedding.

[u/Liscetta → u/xTheatreTechie]

Dad was chosen as the witness at his friend's wedding because he was in a stable economic condition. The bride chose her couple of witnesses for the same reason, so they could get a more expensive present.

There wasn't a solid friendship behind those choices and they all stopped talking in a few months.

[u/kellyjandrews → u/coldy9887]

You are his only friend. He just doesn't know how to say that.

[u/hillary-step]

honestly all she was missing was a "just" (as in "you're not just someone i'd hook up with but also....") in order to not be misunderstood

[u/MeepingSim → u/hillary-step]

This would definitely defuse the charged connotations of "fwb" and "hookup".

She placed him in a specific category and excluded him completely from the others. That "just" you suggest would have been inclusive of both fwb and hookup, while adding all the benefits of someone worthy of marriage.

Good call!

[u/mortgagepants → u/MeepingSim]

not sure if anyone will read this, but if you're giving someone a compliment, don't compare things, just say what you mean.

"you're exactly the kind of person i thought i would marry" is a great compliment.

"i didn't think i would be into fat chicks, but since you let me do anal, you're exactly the kind of person i thought i would marry" doesn't sound so good.

[u/starry_night_123 → u/mortgagepants]

This is such an amazing advice. Thank you internet stranger :)

[u/mortgagepants → u/starry_night_123]

no problem- that's exactly the kind of compliment i thought i would like!

[u/British_Flippancy → u/mortgagepants]

I didn’t think I was into advice from internet strangers…but if they let me do anal I definitely would be. ;)

[u/2pissedoffdude2 → u/mortgagepants]

I really wish you would have made this post before I told my fat gf that I only proposed because she let me in the backdoor.

[u/HectorsMascara → u/MeepingSim]

But that doesn't seem to be what she meant.

[u/Gustomucho → u/[deleted]]

Reminds me of the video where the interviewer ask : He's a 2 but an investment banker. The girl say "7", as the job (money) he has gets him +5.

It made it sound like he is a 2, but she is with him because he brings something else to the table. I don't know any woman that would like their boyfriend to tell them "you're not attractive but you would make a good wife".

[u/Kyengen → u/Gustomucho]

You mean to tell me "I probably could have settled for worse" shouldn't be in the vows?

[u/bleachpuppy → u/Kyengen]

True story: I got married 6 years ago and our wedding vows were "you're the best I can do at this point in my life given the amount of effort I'm willing to put in". We each said this to eachother, it was beautiful.

[u/Houligan86 → u/hillary-step]

Or phrase it as "you are more than just" rather than "you are not"

[u/Own_Ad2356 → u/hillary-step]

Yes, that would change the meaning of what she said.

[u/floggingwally]

I had a girl that was a friend once and she was complaining about her boyfriend to me and said, "why can't he be like you. Why can't he look like him but be like you." She pretty much said you're perfect but too ugly."

Edit: thanks for all the well wishes. This was like 12 years ago and I'm now happily married (to someone else) for 10 years. The girl that said this was not intentionally being hurtful and we're actually still on good terms.

[u/Pls_PmTitsOrFDAU_Thx → u/floggingwally]

Ouch. I'm sorry

I got something similar. There was a girl from HS I had a mild crush on .. we moved to college and we stay in touch. She says how she's mef a guy SHE has a little crush on and she describes him as "you but but confident" so that was fun lol

Funnily enough I talk to her less since she moved away. But I'm good friends with the guy now and she's getting married (to someone else) which is exciting

[u/PerfectlyFramedWaifu → u/Pls_PmTitsOrFDAU_Thx]

Establish dominance. Marry the guy and invite her to the wedding.

[u/GamerRipjaw → u/PerfectlyFramedWaifu]

Looooooong Looooooong Maaaaaaaaaaan

[u/kieranarchy → u/GamerRipjaw]

sensual saxophone solo サケルグミ

[u/Zediac → u/Pls_PmTitsOrFDAU_Thx]

In my late 20s I was into a girl and we became fast friends. One day while we were having lunch together she says, "You're pretty much the perfect friend. But any more than that... let's not go even go there."

She said this completely unprompted. We weren't talking about anything like that and I never brought up the idea. It was such a gut punch especially since it came out of nowhere.

Turns out that she was into casual hookups with guys that, as she put it, she "could be afraid of". I came to find out that she has a looot of issues stemming from an overcontrolling family.

Bullet dodged.

It still hurt being told that there's basically nothing exciting about me, though.

[u/Merijeek2 → u/floggingwally]

Oh, what, you can't take a compliment?

(Yes. Sarcasm)

[u/floggingwally → u/Merijeek2]

Lol she legitimately thought it was a compliment. We grew up to become two vastly different types of people. It would have never worked out.

[u/Merijeek2 → u/floggingwally]

What women still don't understand is the psychological effect on both sexes regarding the basic sexual dynamic.

They get put it out there and get it. Men, generally can't. This has a huge effect on the psyche of both sexes.

That's why women will roll their eyes and instantly forget a compliment while a guy will keep the same shirt in rotation for 20 years because some woman complimented him on it. ONCE.

Similarly, a woman being told she's unappealing can weigh that against all the looks she gets from men. A man, meanwhile, is just going to hear words reinforcing what he's suspected all along.

(Note, probably doesn't apply to gorgeous guys or repulsive women)

[u/Sukurac69]

Had a very simmilar experience few years ago. Girlfriend at the time told me "You are perfrect for long term, but i wanna enjoy life while im young, i will reach out to you again." She actually did after 2 years, but she came to a closed door

[u/Merijeek2 → u/Sukurac69]

"There's a thousand girls nearby I'd rather fuck and once I get tired of that I'll give you a call. You seem like the nurturing type and have good birthin' hips."

Don't you see? That's a compliment. Women. So insecure and sensitive.

[u/Aliebaba99 → u/Merijeek2]

Nailed it lmao

[u/Zediac → u/Sukurac69]

My ex left me after seven years together for a guy who she was actually attracted to. Turns out that I was just a convenient escape from her shitty family life and a source of genuine affection. She was never really into me for who I was.

This guy was a loser. He was about 8 years older, no job, no job training, no higher education, heavy smoker, and married to someone else. Both knew that the other wasn't single.

I moved my ex away from her family and was basically paying for everything. I paid for the apartment, utilities, food, her brand new car, etc. She was moving out to stay in a spare bedroom of a friend.

As my ex was leaving I could see something in her face of her suddenly realizing her situation. She asked me if she could ever come back to me in the future.

No. The answer is no. I'm not enough for you that you were cheating on me with someone else and are leaving me for him. If I'm not attractive, exciting, and desirable for you now then you don't get to run back to me if your useless boy-toy isn't good long term and you can't afford life on your own.

No. Just, no.

[u/Scannaer → u/Zediac]

I'm glad you got out of there. But men really need to learn to respect themself to not even start such a situation. The moment anyones sees you as an ATM, stop. They do not value you as a human with feelings but as a tool to be used. If they don't like you keeping autonomy over your finances, do not like you expecting them to meet half-way... drop them like the trash they are.

If they do not respect you, you yourself have to respect yourself twice as hard.

Goes with cheaters and other abusers too. Oh and of course I hope any woman in such a situation also learns to respect herself. No one deserves to be treated like a wallet or worse.

[u/Clarpydarpy → u/Sukurac69]

Reminds me of the movie, "For a Good Time, Call..."

Man leaves his "nice" girlfriend to travel to Europe and have some flings. While he's gone, his gf develops some confidence. At the end, the ex-boyfriend returns from Europe saying he's ready for a boring relationship now, but she declines because that's not what she wants.

A cinematic victory for self-respect.

[u/SeriousGoofball → u/Clarpydarpy]

Check out French Kiss. Great movie.

[u/Initial_Composer537 → u/Sukurac69]

Ok I need to hear more of this haha. This sounds like a great story

[u/Sukurac69 → u/Initial_Composer537]

Been dating for around 1.5 years at the time. We go out one day everything normal. She comes to me i have something to tell you. Goes along the line of im young and i wanna experience life and not be tied down. Starts speaking about all the good things we had, and hoe she values them and sees a long future with me, but not now as she would like to go for "more ecperiences". We break up very shortly after that, i wonder why?! Anyways i go off and do my thing for the next 2 years. When one day she just randomly sends me a text. Says how she is all "mature" and the experinces were not what she expected(more like wanted) and that she would be ready to go back together. I was not gonna go for it again, moved on and. Guess i was lucky and dodged a bullet there, she probably would have ended up later wanting "experience"

[u/xanif → u/Sukurac69]

There was a relationship advice post years ago along the same lines. OP's GF says she wants a break to experience college and he says he doesn't do breaks and if she goes through with this it's a permanent break up.

After college she comes back and tells him she's ready to settle down and he tells her to pound sand.

Apparently she had been telling her family they were still together all through college and when he turned her away she had a breakdown.

So weird.

Also a different one more recently where OP's fiancée is going on a trip to Europe and tells him as he drops her off at the airport that they're taking a break while she's gone. It was a fascinating saga but OP got greedy and posted a photo of the vacation he took to process the end of his relationship and it was easily found with a reverse image search. He was doing so good with his engaging fictional story until that overreach.

[u/Amasero → u/Sukurac69]

For the STREETS! She wanted to see how the streets were, and ended up dogged.

The best way is to let them go, you live life, meet new people, and they hit you up "hey so..." "hey big head!"

[u/Administrative_Act48 → u/Sukurac69]

So did you respond back to her or just ignore the messages? I'd be so tempted to be smug about something like that but at the same time just ghosting her would be cool too. Though I'd probably respond at least once so that she knew I got the message and that they weren't taking to a dead number. 

[u/ReallyHisBabes → u/Administrative_Act48]

I’m a woman & thought his best response would be “whose this?”

[u/Sukurac69 → u/Administrative_Act48]

Responded, said what i had to say and my goodbyes to her. She tried to contact me in the following month a couple of times, but i never responded to those

[u/sycamotree → u/Sukurac69]

This is a common subtext that lots of men experience (and some women tbf) but it's literally impossible to try to explain without sounding evolutionary psychology esque.

[u/anotherworthlessman → u/Sukurac69]

Why would any woman think this is ok?

If I'm not good enough to enjoy your life with, I'm not good enough to be your husband either.

I've tried to explain it to women using the wolf of wall street as an example.

I said, Jordan's first wife was the one that encouraged him to go sell the pink sheet stocks. She supported him, and really loved him. He decided to go after Margo Robbie's character. Who is undoubtedly hot as hell, but....she was not a good wife. His first wife Teresa was a demonstratively better woman. And as soon as Jordan is broke and going to Jail, Margo Robbie's character wants a divorce. Contrast to Teresa, when he was broke, she encouraged him.

Now......imagine after Margo Robbie divorces him...he comes back to Teresa and says "I want you back" If you're Teresa, and knowing the events of the movie would you take him back? They almost always say no.

I said that's what it feels like as a man, when you put a good man on the shelf for years while you "have your fun" and then go looking for him later when you're ready to be boring.

[u/darinfjc]

I had the a similar comment once. She prefaced it with “This might not sound like a compliment but it really is” then went onto say “You’re the type of guy I’d love to raise kids with but not the type to make kids with.”

When I didn’t look overjoyed she tried to explain that that made me more valuable and important because I wasn’t just seen as a sex partner.

Sorry. No way to roll that back.

[u/Successful_Car4262 → u/darinfjc]

Lmao she thought about that enough to give a qualifying statement up front and still landed on that? Amazing.

[u/sycamotree → u/darinfjc]

Nah this is the worst one in the thread ngl. Absolutely no way that would be considered a compliment lmao

[u/Plightz → u/darinfjc]

Is she crazy? Even the most self-depreciating guy wouldn't take this as a complimemt.

[u/Jewelhammer → u/Plightz]

“I love you so much that I’d rather have sex with other guys, then raise the kids with you.”

[u/4thmovementofbrahms4 → u/darinfjc]

Bruh what compells them to say this shit, like even if you think that, why not keep it to yourself?

[u/vetruviusdeshotacon → u/4thmovementofbrahms4]

They can't help it. It's honestly good for men that a lot of these shallow people can't keep it to themselves

[u/NirgalFromMars → u/darinfjc]

"I would love to fuck lots of other women and then marry you".

[u/auguriesoffilth]

This isn’t about value x over y.

This is about how most people would like to hear that you are the right person for them for everything

[u/_Fun_Employed_ → u/auguriesoffilth]

I also think it has to do with feeling that you’re attractive in the eyes of your SO. You might know that you don’t objectively meet your cultures standards of attractiveness but would hopefully still be attractive to your SO. And if I were the guy and she said this, I would take it essentially as her not finding me attractive and that would crush me.

[u/MoebiusSpark → u/_Fun_Employed_]

One of my exes told me I look ugly when I smile. Like what am I supposed to do with that?

[u/Any_Band_8428 → u/MoebiusSpark]

Constantly scowl so you end up looking sexy as fuck

[u/Bonch_and_Clyde → u/MoebiusSpark]

That sounds like manipulation and abuse. A deliberate attempt to attack your self worth. Glad they're an ex.

[u/WeirdRadiant2470 → u/MoebiusSpark]

Smile as you say "goodbye".

[u/fike88 → u/_Fun_Employed_]

I had an ex that said pretty much the exact same thing, and it really hurt. Something along the lines of, you were the type of guy that when i first met you i didn’t think OMG I WANT YOU NOW but someone who i really wanted to get to know better. I know she was trying to compliment me but i thought, fuck, she didn’t even find me attractive. And what happens when she does meet someone she thinks of like that? Honestly fucked with my head for a good while, then we split up because we ended up arguing too much and just weren’t suited. But i still think about that now and again

[u/yodoboy123 → u/fike88]

My ex told me once that she didn't care if I decided to break up with her and date other girls. She meant it in a nice way like she didn't want to tie me down, but it just came off as she doesn't care if I break up with her because she has other options.

[u/Folderpirate → u/_Fun_Employed_]

A girl I was dating blurted out, "You're teaching me that looks aren't everything." when I was giving her a back rub she particularly enjoyed.

I lost all attraction to her and really don't like seeing myself in the mirror anymore.

[u/boston_homo → u/Folderpirate]

"You're teaching me that looks aren't everything."

I've been reading a lot of these comments thinking "this isn't an insult it's just a poorly delivered compliment" but the above is just plain insulting, no ambiguity.

[u/_Fun_Employed_ → u/Folderpirate]

It’s tough, there are some days I don’t want to look in the mirror too but its more important to be comfortable with who I am then worry about whether I’m attractive or not, and part of being comfortable with who I am is accepting how I look and doing what I can to change it in ways I like, so I do look in the mirror.

[u/Mysterious-Tie7039 → u/_Fun_Employed_]

“You’re the safe guy.”

[u/DeficiencyOfGravitas → u/Mysterious-Tie7039]

Worse. It's "When no one wants me, I know I'll still have you to fall back on because no one wants you now".

Anyone who doesn't understand how much of an insult "I don't find you attractive, but I'd let you raise my kids" is either gorgeous or a shut-in that never dates.

[u/Rickrickrickrickrick → u/_Fun_Employed_]

Yeah to me it sounds like “you’re not hot enough to try and fuck but now that I know you I can look past it because I like you for your personality.” Probably not how she meant it at all but I could see it being taken that way.

Men want to feel sexy too lol

[u/mods-are-liars → u/_Fun_Employed_]

And if I were the guy and she said this, I would take it essentially as her not finding me attractive and that would crush me.

Bingo

Though to me it goes a bit further: "you're not attractive enough for me to hook up with, but you provide so much for me that I'd marry you"

Aka "your value to me lies solely in what you can do for me"

[u/KENBONEISCOOL444 → u/_Fun_Employed_]

She pulled the you're not my type but I'll settle

[u/Warlock_Froggie → u/auguriesoffilth]

Yeah this, I don’t want someone to tell me “ugh you’d be perfect for a one night stand but I’d never marry you” or “you’d be a good wife but I would never hook up with you otherwise” literally just tell him the ways he’s attractive to you without being weird about it.

[u/goingmerry604]

I saw this post on ig and in the comments, it asked through a poll whether or not this comment was a compliment, and broke it down by sex too:

1) Women- Yes it's a compliment (most women selected this 2) Women - Not a compliment (very few selected)

3) Men- Yes it's a compliment (verrrry few selected) 4) Men - Not a compliment (Overwhelmingly selected)

Sounds like there is an interesting bias for women to see it as a compliment, maybe it's a reflection on what they want a guy to see them for (less of a sexual object and more of a long term partner thing?). I thought it was so fascinating.

[u/James324285241990]

Men want to feel like their partner thinks they're hot.

I left my husband of 10 years because not only did he not show interest in sex with me, he only showed sexual attraction to men that look nothing at all like me.

[u/jcannacanna → u/James324285241990]

He might have been gay. If you are a guy, then you might be gay, too.

[u/NumerousSun4282 → u/jcannacanna]

Scientists are still divided on this issue. We simply can't say for certain

[u/googleHelicopterman → u/NumerousSun4282]

Trick them into having to walk up a rainbow set of stairs, really quick way to find out

[u/James324285241990 → u/jcannacanna]

You know, I think you might be right. We might be two gay men.

Still doesn't help that he's not attracted to me

[u/FireAirWaterEarth → u/James324285241990]

Come out as straight to him. Gotta play hard to get.

[u/googleHelicopterman → u/FireAirWaterEarth]

Tell him you're straight but you're only attracted to lesbians. Let him deal with it

[u/Kirito_from_discord → u/James324285241990]

You know, you might have lost your relationship but you have gained some pretty high tier humor + experience

[u/josephumi → u/jcannacanna]

Big if true, the jury is still out on this one

[u/Accomplished_Emu_658]

I saw a post yesterday of a woman saying how come she cannot get a mid ugly guy to settle down with. I am sure it was just bait but made me think.

Well maybe stop referring to them as ugly. I am sure some simps would still throw themselves at her feet, but any self respecting man wouldn’t want their partner to think they are ugly. Obviously I understand your partner doesn’t have to think you are hot or hottest, I am average in appearance myself. Anyone that thinks a relationship will work out longterm or be healthy when one partner thinks the other is ugly and only there for stability is crazy.

[u/googleHelicopterman → u/Accomplished_Emu_658]

Shallow people tend to shoot themselves in the foot right off the gate. Good. easier to spot them in a crowd, don't give them tips to hide their twisted expectations.

[u/woahbrad35]

Reminds me of when my gf told me that she was surprised she hasn't gotten bored with me yet since she usually gets bored with partners in the first 6 months. Like ok, so now it's just a waiting game lol

[u/the_forrest_fire]

I can see a few reasonable interpretations in the comments. I don’t blame the guy for basically hearing: “there are other, hotter, more exciting guys out in the world that make my heart beat faster than you do. But I want you for the stability.” Not an unreasonable takeaway, and that doesn’t feel good. It leaves a lot of room for him to feel insecure about other men in her life.

[u/Jahobes → u/the_forrest_fire]

To a man's ears that's like saying "You know there are thinner, bustier, sexier women out there, but you are the safest bet because you will not cheat on me".

Like, don't give compliments that start with a negative.

You could just say "I didn't choose you JUST because you are hot and exciting. I choose you for your stability as well"

[u/abio93 → u/Jahobes]

IMO stability is a bad word choice, trustworthy and loyal are better.

[u/Jahobes → u/abio93]

The point she didn't make it clear that she also desires her partner.

[u/Zimke42]

He probably heard it as, "You are not physically my type, but you make me feel comfortable, so I will deal with the fact that I don't find you 'hot' to feel secure."

I know what she meant, but that just isn't something you tell a guy. To think of an equivalent thing to tell a woman, "You may not be the hottest girl I ever dated, but you treat me with more kindness and respect than they did." See, it is a type of compliment in many respects, but yet also says you are lacking in physical attractiveness.

[u/GovernmentKind1052 → u/Zimke42]

One hell of a backhanded compliment and puts things into perspective

[u/[deleted]]

I can see both people's sides.

I can see that she meant it more like "you're not somebody I would want a fling with, but somebody I want my whole life with."

I can also see how he interpreted as "I wouldn't pick you to fuck, but I'd pick you to settle down with."

A lot of people in the comments are so dead set on it being one way or the other, but people forget that intent doesn't always translate into words well, especially since the two of them were drinking.

Some of y'all are acting like you're never said something rude to somebody but didn't mean it in a rude way.

Edit: Wow, I didn't realize people would reach out to me and shit on me. So, for the sake of my own sanity, I'm out. Advocating for two people talking things out is apparently offensive to people. Wild.

[u/MaritMonkey → u/[deleted]]

I once told my now-husband he was the "best roommate ever" and was immediately mortified at myself.

I meant he was incredibly comfortable to live with and be around. In my head it was about how much I appreciated him but then I heard the words come out of my mouth.

[u/Vaux1916 → u/MaritMonkey]

Same sentiment, but different wording: I once told my wife back when we were dating and not married yet "When I'm with you, I feel just as comfortable and relaxed as when I'm alone." I'm not a hugely social person, and I need my alone time. She knew that about me and took it as the compliment it was intended to be.

[u/MaritMonkey → u/Vaux1916]

Hah I actually did a variation on that one too! I don't remember the exact wording but I was just done maintaining customer service face and said something like "I just need to not see another person for the next 24 hours" and then told my husband he "wasn't a person."

At this point I consider myself lucky he knows I mean well.

[u/GunnerTinkle22 → u/MaritMonkey]

this is great

[u/Current_Vermicelli99 → u/MaritMonkey]

Yeah I said to my girlfriend I sometimes get my energy drained when I'm with people. Followed by 'it's okay, you're not people'. She understood.

[u/LiaInvicta → u/Vaux1916]

Haha, I did this too! Huge introvert and once told my husband “being with you is the same as being alone.” He immediately went “AWWWWWW,” knowing that was the highest compliment I could give anyone. Thank god for that man.

[u/[deleted] → u/MaritMonkey]

Yep! That's my point. You can't tell somebody how to feel about something. You and your now-husband obviously talked it through and settled it. That's exactly how it should be handled.

We are human beings. We are subject to misunderstandings and misinterpretations, but talking things out is how this kind of thing gets solved.

[u/hobbinater2 → u/MaritMonkey]

I think I would take that as a complement unless there were already some serious intimacy issues.

[u/UniqueName2 → u/MaritMonkey]

My gf is the best roommate ever. She met a couple of my old ones before we moved in together. The bar was pretty low, and she gets the joke / compliment. She is awesome, and does nice things for me all the time, cleans up after herself, buys groceries, feeds the pets, etc. You know, shit a good roommate would do if we weren’t in a relationship. She’s also the love of my life. Why are people so fragile that even the slightest thing just sends them spiraling? Grow the fuck up and take the compliment as it was intended. You’re just ruining your own life. Got to therapy if something that stupid bothers you.

[u/FlamingRustBucket → u/UniqueName2]

All I'm gathering from these comments is this entire sub needs to go get therapy.

[u/pru51 → u/MaritMonkey]

But that thing, you can say that to people after 2.5 years because you guys should know eachother by now. I'm with my fiance now about 2.5 years and I'd just fart on her to show I accepted her sarcastic compliment.

2.5 years and that's the last straw? There's way more to the story imo.

[u/gahidus → u/[deleted]]

Yeah. I totally get it. And that's aside from the fact that a fling and a long-term partner might be completely different sets of attributes someone's looking for.

"This place is fun to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here"' can apply to people too. A person can have attributes that could be fun in small doses or for limited times, but which would become tiresome or irritating long-term. And vice versa.

Edit typo

[u/Mariske → u/[deleted]]

But I mean, isn’t someone to settle down with also inherently someone you’d like to fuck? Once you settle down with someone you don’t just stop having sex of both people still wanted it, or it wouldn’t be a healthy relationship.

[u/DevonLuck24 → u/Mariske]

that takes the wind out of the dudes sails if you’d look at it that way

the comment becomes. “you’re not someone id want to sleep with once or twice, you’re the type of person id settle down and sleep with forever” which is a much better sentiment.

[u/njaneardude]

My wife never said that to me, we just know it. She says I made a good starter husband. Yes we're getting divorced.

[u/IssueFederal]

Maybe he’s not interested in marriage (with you) and you’ve put it out there. I broke up with a woman who told me she expected us to get married within a year. Im glad she told me. No point in wasting her time.

[u/baba_tdog12]

I think if she had changed just one or two words he would have gotten her meaning and everything would be if not fine much much better. If she said "you're not someone I COULD JUST be fwb or hook up with but marry" that completely changes it. By saying "would" it implies that he isn't he wouldn't be her choice for a fwb thing but her choice to marry and that's super bad because there are so many things you need to check off to be marriage eligible that if you don't meet the attractiveness check you can still pass if you meet other things like a job, family, temperament etc. However if you don't meet her qualifications for a hookup that's pretty much just means you aren't attractive enough or at least that's how alot of guys would hear it.

If she had said "could just" that changes the meaning because it says that she would be unable to keep you in a fwb position cus she'd catch feelings demonstrating that while he meets the attractiveness requirement for a hook up he has so many other great qualities that he would be too valuable to keep in that position.

At the end of the day feeling attractive to your partner is very very important for people you could believe I am literally jesus christ reincarnated and marriage material but if I don't think you also want to jump my bones it isn't going to last. Totally fair thing to want from a partner as well and communicating that effectively and frequently is really important for alot of relationships.

[u/Funk_Dunker]

Just say "You're a keeper". Fella didn't need details!!

[u/Dense-Beach4403]

The wife once comforted her bestie who was venting about being single by saying, "your problem is you only date guys that are super pretty boys in amazing shape." She still defends that I shouldn't be hurt by that.

[u/cowboyclown]

He’s upset because those guys his partner sees as FWB/hook ups are guys she would have sex with without qualifications—she wants to have sex with them regardless of whether they are kind, whether they can provide for her, whether they are emotionally intelligent.

To a man, this sort of thing registers as “I have no lust for you”. Yes, it’s nice to be chosen as the husband. But it hurts knowing that her choice in him is somewhat conditional in ways that a hookup isn’t.

[u/QinLee_fromComs]

Leonard: So I'm like a bran muffin?

Penny: What? No, that's not what I'm saying.

Leonard: No, that's exactly what you're saying. I'm the boring thing you're choosing because I'm good for you.

Penny: What does it matter? I'm choosing you.

Leonard: It matters a lot. I don't want to be a bran muffin. I want to be a cinnabon, a strawberry pop tart. Something you're excited about, even if it could give you diabetes.

[u/eperker]

Somebody who says “yesterday night” might not be explaining herself clearly.

[u/-TheSha- → u/eperker]

Maybe a mistranslation, "yesterday night" is last night translated litterally from italian: "ieri notte"

[u/Big77Ben2]

Tell the girl you like her for her personality and see how it goes.

[u/launchedsquid → u/Big77Ben2]

Exactly.

Her: "Do you think I'm pretty?" Him: "Well... you're kind to animals".

Anyone trying to pretend that she gave him a compliment is insane, re read what she wrote, even her friends think she killed the relationship and told her directly.

[u/Big77Ben2 → u/launchedsquid]

It’s also kind of like saying “sometimes I enjoy random hookups” which may or may not be so nice to hear as a boyfriend.

[u/Merijeek2 → u/Big77Ben2]

"... but not with someone like you. "

Totally don't see how that could be interpreted badly.

[u/McFlyyouBojo → u/Big77Ben2]

Yeah. I'm not dumb. Everyone I date or am interested in dating has a sexual past of some sort. I don't need to know about it unless it was particularly.... "unique" or actively relevant to any situations we may find ourselves in, like, "hey, I'm really good friends with so-and-so as you know, but uh.... we used to be sexually involved" or, "just so you know, I was very promiscuous in the past so we need to be vigilant about being safe"

[u/CavoTheCat]

I understand the thought behind what she said, just poor way of saying it

[u/Masbig91]

This definitely hit the guy right in his insecurities and I get it. I have never had any luck with casual hookup culture. Whether it was high school or college, despite my best efforts,​ I always struck out. I definitely developed insecurities and body image issues that I still struggle with sometimes. It made me feel inferior to the other guys who were hooking up. I wasn't exciting. I wasn't attractive. The list goes on. I eventually gave up trying and I feel I missed out on a common part of being a young adult.

I've been in a healthy relationship for over a decade now and I'm very happy, but as a teen, young adult, wanting to experience said culture and failing, the insecurity and body image issues can be crippling and hurt deeply. It takes a lot to overcome that and not everyone does. This was basically an inadvertent, direct hit on one of the guys probably long held deep insecurties. I feel bad for both of them.

[u/chiksahlube]

"You're not hot or fun, but you're a good guy to settle down with."

Is how a lot of guys would take this one.

[u/bijazthadwarf]

Been reading these comments. Past me believes the GF meant no harm, meant it as a compliment. Present me sees it as telling her boyfriend he is kind and loyal but not sexy.

Past me hadn’t caught his wife of 30 years cheating with some thugged out dude. Never saw it coming because I believed she thought I was attractive and would never do such a thing.

[u/Edo9639 → u/bijazthadwarf]

Sorry you had to find out that way dude

[u/bijazthadwarf → u/Edo9639]

I was a fool but at least I know better now

[u/JadedMuse]

I mean, I think this shows that wording is everything. She was probably trying to say "You're so great that you're exactly what would serve as a foundation for a serious relationship". That doesn't mean she doesn't find him hot. It just means she sees him as LTR material.

[u/launchedsquid]

Gotta say it, I'm pretty surprised at you ladies.

You'll like to claim you're the emotionally intelligent ones but you can't grasp that if a guy heard his girlfriend of 2.5 years say, and I quote, he's "not someone who I'd hookup or be a fwb with but marry" and he wouldn't be hurt by that.

She didn't say "I'd not leave if we fwb" or something like that, she literally said she wouldn't pick him to do that. And that logically means there are people she would or has done that with, he just doesn't make the grade.

That is a backhanded compliment at best. Like answering the question, "Does this dress make me look fat?" By saying, "that dress doesn't."

Sure, of read verbatim, it literally means the dress doesn't make her look fat, but the implication is other dresses she wears do make her look fat.

It's not a compliment, and you'd understand her being upset after that.

[u/Yaguajay]

You’re not sexually exciting, but you qualify as someone who can support me financially and babysit?