r/dadjokes 10h ago

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

1.3k Upvotes

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die."

She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"


r/dadjokes 6h ago

Why did the crab cross the road?

159 Upvotes

He didn't. He used the sidewalk.


r/dadjokes 16h ago

do you know what the elephant said to the naked man? NSFW

954 Upvotes

”how do you even breath out of that thing?”


r/dadjokes 7h ago

What is the most meaningless job in the world?

169 Upvotes

The person who installs turn signals on BMWs.


r/dadjokes 16h ago

did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?

589 Upvotes

he won the no bell price


r/dadjokes 3h ago

I just read a joke and felt like I needed to share this one. Why did the snowman look inside a bag of carrots ?

54 Upvotes

He was picking his nose


r/dadjokes 18h ago

What do you call a trans person that has a child

838 Upvotes

Transparent


r/dadjokes 6h ago

My wife thinks I'm having an affair

79 Upvotes

I took her golfing with me for the first time and she said "there's no way you can spend so much time and money on something you're this bad at."


r/dadjokes 14h ago

What do you call it when you try to convince someone you didn’t fart? NSFW

354 Upvotes

Gaslighting


r/dadjokes 3h ago

What do you get when you ask a lemon for help?

30 Upvotes

Lemonade


r/dadjokes 5h ago

My friend is fighting an addiction to country dancing.

40 Upvotes

He's now in a good two-step program.


r/dadjokes 5h ago

What did Tennessee?

41 Upvotes

the same thing that Arkansas!


r/dadjokes 1d ago

Chuck Norris farted once.

3.3k Upvotes

He did it in the Sahara forest.


r/dadjokes 12h ago

I made a paper airplane but it just hovered in one spot like a helicopter.

105 Upvotes

Then I remembered that it was stationary.


r/dadjokes 13h ago

Who's the coolest guy at the hospital?

126 Upvotes

The ultra Sound guy

But who's the coolest when he can't make it in?

The Hip replacement dude


r/dadjokes 12h ago

Why did the snowman suddenly smile? NSFW

109 Upvotes

......He could see the snowblower coming


r/dadjokes 1d ago

When I get naked in the bathroom, NSFW

1.8k Upvotes

the shower usually gets turned on.


r/dadjokes 36m ago

Why did the orange lose the race?

Upvotes

It ran out of juice


r/dadjokes 10h ago

An American in Hong Kong orders a pizza

45 Upvotes

When the delivery guy brings it, the American opens the box and starts to sneeze.

"What the hell is in this thing?" He asks.

The delivery guy says "just what you ordered - pepper only."


r/dadjokes 12h ago

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

65 Upvotes

Because he was outstanding in his field!


r/dadjokes 8h ago

Dad: did you get a haircut?

33 Upvotes

No, I got them all cut!


r/dadjokes 4h ago

Have you seen the movie ‘Constipated’?

14 Upvotes

It hasn’t come out yet


r/dadjokes 7h ago

Men are like electrons

23 Upvotes

Men are like electrons, it’s easy to get them excited but they really want to be in the lowest possible energy state.


r/dadjokes 7h ago

My dad promised he would stop getting upset over warm beer.

21 Upvotes

Yeti can't keep his cool.


r/dadjokes 8h ago

Standing in front of a car can get you tired.

25 Upvotes

Standing behind a car can get you exhausted