r/AmIOverreacting • u/ThrowraClothes1331 • 2d ago
AIO? Wife got matching Pokémon tattoos with a mutual friend after we agreed not to police tattoos? ❤️🩹 relationship
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u/cue_cruella 2d ago
Prepare for trouble and make it double.
Your wife is fucking your friend. :(
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u/jadeariel12 2d ago
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For 90% of this I assumed they both got the same pokeball or Pikachu flash piece. And I didn’t think it was a big deal.
But they got a full on couple tattoo. Even if your wife was covered in tattoos, it would make me feel some type of way if she got a couples tattoo with someone.
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u/rozen16 2d ago
If she got her favorite pokemon and he got her favorite pokemon that's would be odd but could just be a really close friendship.
Jesse and James though. Out of the whole series there is no other set of characters that would more an couple than the other. Like I think James died for Jesse at one point. Suspicious as hell and sending so many red flags.
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u/loosie-loo 2d ago
That’s also something you could add more people to…they could be like “you should get one too and we can all match!” to OP or something. That’d be a fun “friend group” matching tattoo theme. This is…less so, lmao.
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u/the_champ_has_a_name 2d ago
OP is Meowth 😭
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u/AspiringTS 2d ago
That's right!
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u/Aadjegranaatje 2d ago
Looks like team rocket's blasting off again!
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u/SpaceWolves26 2d ago
To be fair, with the English dub, the vibe I always got was very much that James is Jesse's gay friend.
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u/theOTHERdimension 2d ago
I might be dumb but I genuinely always got the vibe that they were both gay and that’s why there was zero romantic chemistry between them. Granted I haven’t seen every Pokemon episode but that’s how they always came across to me.
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u/harpsdesire 2d ago
I thought they were brother and sister. I wouldn't call them a romantic couple at least not the way that I interpreted the show as a kid or in the small amount that I watched when my son was briefly into it.
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u/withering_vitality 2d ago
They did end up getting married and they even had episodes showing each of their backstories. James is actually from a rich family
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u/Gloomheart 2d ago
I only watched in passing when my younger siblings watched, but I always got the sibling vibe!
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u/TruCat87 2d ago
Idk I never got couple vibes from them. I always saw them as more a big sister little brother relationship. And it was never explicitly stated that they were a couple.
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u/RabbitF00d 2d ago
Like not even a quick text or FaceTime before it was done? The whole thing is super suspish.
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u/Ferahgost 2d ago
If anything, I would find it much less weird if his wife DID already have a whole bunch of tattoos
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u/ILoveThisPlace 2d ago
She took something the guys really into obviously and got a couple tattoo with someone else. I'd be pissed. Bit of a knife to the heart.
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u/Educational_Ebb7175 2d ago
Yeah, if it was some "we both love pikachu" thing or whatever, it'd seem harmless.
But they went full on Jesse/James, with about the same self-awareness and ability to make good decisions.
At least she can claim to strangers that it's not a couples tattoo, just her cool tat of Jesse or James (whichever she got). But to her soon-to-be-ex boyfriend who knows the truth, she's nuked things pretty well.
Because this isn't about the fact that she got a tattoo, or where it is. It's that she got a couples' tattoo with his friend. His friend that's probably into her, if they aren't already banging.
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u/Pissedliberalgranny 2d ago
So, for her very first tattoo ever, your wife chooses to get a matching tattoo with your friend and it just happens to also be his first tattoo.
Interesting.
How long have they been sleeping together?
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad_927 2d ago
I have the same exact question, lol.
I definitely need an update
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u/Informal-Diet979 2d ago
lol did she spend the night at his place before going to brunch and getting matching tattoos.
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u/Bitter-Whole-7290 2d ago
Lmfao I love that the vast majority of the comments came to this conclusion and yet I don’t think OP thought about it until now.
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u/United-Plum1671 2d ago
You’re not policing her tattoo. You’re bringing up a valid concern. Getting a matching tattoo with your partner’s friend is weird and would have me giving side eye questioning what the exact motive is. I could not imagine a scenario where i would ever get a matching tattoo with my husband’s friend.
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u/United-Plum1671 2d ago
My husband and I have a bunch of tattoos and this would be a line crossed for us.
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u/LivinLikeHST 2d ago
maybe the conversation should have been about not fucking others
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u/iversonAI 2d ago
I can excuse fucking my friend. But i draw the line at matching tattoos
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u/LivinLikeHST 2d ago
that's fair, people in actual relationships should not get matching ink
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u/MercyfulJudas 2d ago
I think they're just appropriating a quote from the show Community by the character Britta.
"I can excuse racism, but I draw the line at animal cruelty!"
The joke is that she's so hipster & performative with her liberalism that she blurted this out before realizing how bad it would sound.
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u/Taybaysi 2d ago
It seems like “no policing” is a way to prevent you from questioning the dynamic deeper. Of course she can get a tattoo, but that one obviously indicates a deeper relationship between them and that’s what you’re commenting on.
It seems sus and inappropriate and she’s using “no policing” as a blanket to prevent you from commenting on the relationship. Even if you drop the subject of the tattoo in general I’d continue to question their relationship. They didn’t just get pikachu or whatever, they each got half of a bonded team that’s sort of a couple in the show (I haven’t watched it sorry). It’s a pretty overt couples tat that says “this other person is my other half”. Suuuuper sketch
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u/hilarymeggin 2d ago
Tell her you’re going to get a tattoo of a heart with another woman’s name in it and see how fast the “no-policing tattoos” rule makes way for exceptions.
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u/United-Plum1671 2d ago
She used that as an excuse. Policing would be judging the type of tattoo, placement and things like that. My husband and I discuss what tattoos we get, but never with the intent of inserting our opinion on the other about the kind of tattoo. That’s how not policing works
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u/Shotgun_Rynoplasty 2d ago
This is the way. My gf and I both love tattoos. We have completely different styles but it’s our own bodies. If I think the placement of her stencil looks off or I think it should be bigger/smaller, I’ll say something. Otherwise I’d keep my mouth shut. But if she got a couples tattoo with another man? I’d have a few words for that
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u/rocketmn69_ 2d ago
No, it's not policing that you have to worry about, she got a "couples tattoo" with her "friend" when she hasn't had any desire to get one with you
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u/Background-Sock4950 2d ago
Sorry to burst your bubble but this has nothing to do with your arrangement and whether she was testing the waters.
Your wife just got a couples’ matching tattoo with your friend. It’s the anime version of two halves of a heart. You got way bigger fish to fry now.
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u/kalel3000 2d ago
You dont have an issue with the tattoo itself. If you argue that point, then shes right no policing goes both ways. But...the tattoo is not the problem. The problem is the connection she has to another man that makes you uncomfortable. The tattoo just brought the levelvof this connection to your attention in an obvious an undeniable way. The problem is her friendship with him is too close and crosses boundaries with you.
You dont care that she has a Pokémon tattoo, it irrelevant to you.
You care about the intimacy and bond that's inherent with getting a matching tattoo with someone.
If the tattoo didn't have a matching counterpart on another man, it would not bother you. So this is not about tattoo policing.
By all measure, if she was to get her first tattoo, seems like you should've been involved in that since tattoos are your thing. And if it was a matching one, it really should've been with you, instead of another man.
She is either having an emotional relationship with your friend, or outright cheating on you, or planning to leave you for him in the near future.
This is not normal behavior and shes gaslighting you into thinking it is. Stand your ground, something is up and you know it. You know it deep in your bones, dont let her convince you otherwise
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u/fourandthree 2d ago
My husband and I have a ton of tattoos, including several matching ones (and one each that we gave each other!), and neither of us would ever get a “bro tat” with a friend without consulting the other.
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u/Beneficial-Door-3252 2d ago
Matching tattoos with a friend is super common and not weird.
However, this specific situation is.
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u/MutantMartian 2d ago
You must realize you don’t have a problem with the tattoos. You have a problem with your wife’s relationship with another man. Your instincts are correct and you should question it. You need to have a sit-down talk about where your marriage is and where it’s going.
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u/Worried-Trust 2d ago
I have a matching tattoo with a friend. My best friend, and we got them for our 20 years of friendship anniversary. This was 10+ years ago. We’re still BFF.
If my un-tattooed husband came home with a tattoo that he got with any of my friends, I’d have many questions. And I wouldn’t find it endearing.
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u/MacksGamePlay 2d ago
It's not weird at all for couples to get matching tattoos.
Occams razor, dude. They're more than friends. And if you look back on the last few months honestly, you'll see a bunch of red flags you missed, because you trusted them both more than either of them apparently deserved.
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u/Tall_Elk_9421 2d ago
so now i am gonna ask you has any other stuff been going on ?
has she been more secretive with the phone? laying it screen down or similar? more texting?
bedroom life any changes ? same as always? less ? or more?
how much do they go out and meet? do you know where? when she comes home does she shower shortly after?
has she started coming home later from work ? working more?
blowing of your plans more often then she used to?,,,
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u/Tall_Elk_9421 2d ago
its not just a matching tattoo buddy
they each have a member of a team that have a secret relationship with each other,,
Dude!
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u/Phloxsfourthwife 2d ago
It’s all the things put together. A matching tattoo with a friend when you already have tattoos? Nbd. A matching tattoo with your friend as a first tattoo? A little unusual but not really a big deal. A matching tattoo with a friend when you’ve been vehemently opposed to tattoos to the point that you had to decide with your partner you’re not going to police each others’ bodies (which should be automatic imo)? Suspicious.
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u/KnobGobbler4206969 2d ago
Ask her how she’d feel if you got close with one of her woman friends then y’all got a matching Bonnie and Clyde tattoo without telling her about it. I’m betting she wouldn’t be too pleased
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u/VStarlingBooks 2d ago
This just said more than you realize. The fact that he's her "friend" more than yours at this point should be what you're policing. They are possibly and more than likely having an affair. He's gotten closer to her than you. I truly hope I'm wrong but I read between the lines and making an assumption based on what I've read here.
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u/Acceptablepops 2d ago
Worse is she specifically made sure he wouldn’t be able to say anything
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u/PuddingOnRitz 2d ago
No she tried to make it that way.
But it makes no sense in any other context.
"You can't tell me anything about getting a hand job from your friend because we agreed not to police masturbation."
It's not the fact she got a tattoo it's that they got a tattoo.
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u/squicktones 2d ago
I think a more valid and pressing concern is why OPs wife is dating other men?
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u/Jmar7688 2d ago
They fuckin
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u/Firmod5 2d ago
He’s got no choice but to have sex with his buddy to reassert his dominance.
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u/nickfree 1d ago edited 1d ago
Then get matching Ash and Pikachu tattoos. Pikachu's face would be shocked, of course. Because of the buttsex.
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u/Quirky_Chicken7937 2d ago
Who the fuck lets their friend take their wife on a date?
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u/MudkipOnRattlegore 2d ago
So, what would happen if you went and got matching tattoos with a good friend of your wife’s?
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u/MudkipOnRattlegore 2d ago
I would just definitely keep my ears and eyes open and make sure there’s nothing fishy past matching tattoos. I feel it may be deeper than just this but hey. I’m just a guy on the internet.
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u/And_there_was_2_tits 2d ago
He’s in his first relationship with your wife right now, whether she knows it or not.
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u/jambot9000 2d ago
I know that feeling when you hear something that you kinda know is true but we're blind to seeing it at first. Your friend really may have no idea what he's stepping into and also may be confused about his feelings. Situation is shitty your not the asshole
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u/thegreatgiroux 2d ago
The friend doesn’t know what he’s stepping into? Please…
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u/StrobeLightRomance 2d ago
"She keeps riding my dick, but I thought that she was just being really friendly."
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u/MudkipOnRattlegore 2d ago
Not to invade privacy here, but have you asked to maybe see her phone? For some sort of clarity?
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u/CompletelyHopelessz 2d ago
She's definitely fucking him. You're blind if you don't see it. They got matching tattoos. Get them divorce papers ready.
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u/Bolt_McHardsteel 2d ago
That’s another red flag. It’s pretty common for a partner in an affair to say “don’t worry about him, he’s gay.”
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u/DethMayne 2d ago
yup. thats how i found out her and her "gay friend" used to make out and sleep in the same bed.
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u/Detcord36 2d ago edited 1d ago
Not overreacting, this is weird and concerning.
The only person I'd get a matching tattoo with would be my partner or my siblings.
Updateme
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u/wordsznerd 2d ago
I have a matching tattoo with my male best friend. We'd worked for a theater company together for years.
But there are some differences. My husband knew and had no issue with it. It was my 6th tattoo. A third friend from the group got it with us. They don't fit together in some way, like two characters or halves of a heart or something, but they're all the same company logo. Without us both having it, it would still be something i wanted. Even though he's friends with both of us, he's more of my friend. Etc.
Even I think OP's situation is weird.
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u/timbreandsteel 1d ago
I know tons of friends with matching tattoos. This situation still sounds weird.
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u/IcedLatteeeeeee 2d ago
Your wife got matching tattoos with another dude
The characters she got tattooed on her are largely seen as being a couple
Imagine if you got a tattoo of 1/2 of a Yin Yang symbol and a friend of yours (a woman) got the other half. That's essentially what your wife did.
What she did is beyond weird and would make me side-eye her imo, the messaging isn't appropriate
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u/harpoon_seal 2d ago
Not to mention shes been incredibly against tattoos in general and decided to share this experience with his freind. Shes cheating or really just a big asshole.
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u/ThatInAHat 2d ago
I…do people see Jesse and James as a couple? Really?
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u/LadyoftheGoldenWood 2d ago
To me they always seemed gay in opposite directions
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u/jackofslayers 2d ago
Yea they are more like gay best friends
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u/hyrellion 2d ago
You’re telling me you don’t think this is extremely heterosexual behavior?
(Yeah, they’re definitely gay best friends)
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u/Swift_Malachi 2d ago
I have always seen James as her gay BFF tbh...
I LOVE him, lol
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u/NumbOnTheDunny 2d ago
Anime they give partner in crime/bestie vibes a 100%. The couple bit only comes to play in the manga, casual fans wouldn’t know as much which makes me think OPs wife had innocentish intentions.
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u/Luna_Cult 2d ago
No…. Pokémon fans do not see Jesse and James as a couple. They are both active cross dressers amongst other clues to point that they are in fact not heterosexual.
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u/hopeisagift 2d ago
Nah, Jesse and James are pretty platonic and very much seem like besties. It's kind of weird that so few characters in fiction are allowed to just be friends without people projecting romance onto them. Same in real life, I guess.
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u/Seraph199 2d ago
The characters she got tattooed on her are largely seen as an effeminate gay man with a penchant for drag, and his best friend/beard who coincidentally loves dressing up as a man.
IDK, I get trying to have a conversation to make sure nothing more is happening, but the Jesse/James being couple-coded just doesn't seem right to me. They never felt like a couple
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u/Pristine-Taste-3230 2d ago
If you asked her to get a matching tattoo with you, would she do it?
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u/CeelaChathArrna 2d ago
That's a big red flag if you ask me. She just got one for your/her friend and now she's not wanting any more?
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u/rocketmn69_ 2d ago
After a date with the guy. I think OP needs to quietly look further into their "friendship"
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u/rocketmn69_ 2d ago edited 2d ago
See if you can trick her into telling you the Tattoo Shop. Or look at bank statement for the name. Go down there and say that," your friends got matching Pokémon tattoos and you liked the work, who is the artist?" Then talk to the artist, " you must be very convincing, she's seen my tattoos a lot and always said she would never get one, then I see them both with first tattoos" see what he says about their demeanor. Don't let on thst she's your wife. If he says the boyfriend did all the work and they were all over each other,say, "no way! They hate each other that way. Sneaking around on their friends, no way, I don't believe it. I would have to see that. Security footage? Her birthday is coming up and I want to razz them." I hope for your sake OP that your wife is just very naive and nothing is going on. Her friend on the other hand knows exactly what those characters represent.
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u/GraveHugger 2d ago
Get yourself a PI license - this is some petty espionage and I love it
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u/-343-Guilty_Spark 2d ago
So she sat through a painful experience, getting a tattoo, something she has criticized so much in the past that it got to the point where you had to make a rule about it?
And she did all of this on a whim, with her totally platonic male friend? And it’s a tattoo of something she’s not even into but watched it when she was 6 years old?
Brother, and I say this with the utmost respect, pull your head out of your ass
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u/BigMaraJeff2 2d ago
I get not policing tattoos but to go get a matching one with another man is over the line. Especially when it's two partners in crime. My wife that I have two kids with and I don't even have a matching tattoo.
They are Jessie and James. You're meowth.
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u/linkisnotafuckingelf 2d ago
Meowth was the smart one. He's not Meowth. More like Slowpoke because he isn't running the same speed as the rest of us. And this whole post has me holding my head like Psyduck.
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u/deadthingsmia 2d ago edited 2d ago
Getting matching tattoos with someone is a pretty intimate thing to do, and she did this with your friend. Not her spouse, not her own friends, but very specifically your friend. She also did so without consulting you about it. You're not policing a tattoo. You didn't call her choice of tattoo garbage, you didn't trash how it looks. You expressed hurt over the fact that she picked another man to do something that she's previously demeaned you for doing.
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u/TheJoyOfJenny 2d ago
This act would have my inner Nancy Drew working overtime. This definitely would not sit right with me at all. The fact that it's also each their only tattoo makes it even more fishy to me. Also, I know nothing amine and very little Pokémon, but from what I've read about the two characters they chose, it surely seems as though there could be a deeper significance there beyond "nostalgia," for sure.
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u/PostTurtle84 2d ago
We're pretty pro ink, despite only having 1 or 2 each, but you better believe there'd be some serious words if my husband got a matching tattoo with a friend of mine. Especially if it were of one side of a couple.
This isn't about ink, this is about cheating.
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u/Odd_Welcome7940 2d ago
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She got a matching couples tattoo with another man. You are massively under reacting
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u/rocketmn69_ 2d ago
Let her know that it's very strange that she would get a matching tattoo with another guy, but not one with her husband and that people will think how romantic it is that they got matching tattoos when they are seen together in public
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u/Pretend_Original2676 2d ago
There was a post quite similar to this some time ago... aaaand they were having an affair... just putting that out there..... 🤷♂️ I'm not saying they are. But if it was me I'd start snooping 🤷♂️😬
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u/Bitter_Kangaroo2616 2d ago
That's FUCKED. Holy shit what the fuck??? It's either she and him have something, or she's being like super petty??
This is fucking weird
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u/Low-Stick6746 2d ago
I’m just curious. Do you and your wife have a policy on policing going on dates with other people? Because honestly it sounds like your wife and your friend might be dating.
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u/cruella_divine 2d ago
Maybe I'm old school but I'm polite and respectful to my husband's friends welcoming when they come over I feed them etc but I wouldn't be going out to eat with them?!?!? Getting tattoos with them?!?!?! Like I said maybe my views are old school but that wouldn't sit right with me.
You're not wrong.
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u/Complete-Design5395 2d ago
I have tattoos and my husband doesn’t. If he got his first tattoo and it was with another woman plus matching hers, even a friend of mine, I’d hate it. Seriously.
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u/TrespassersWill 2d ago
You are absolutely not overreacting.
This is not about tattoos. Your wife performed a permanent intimate act with another man.
This is not made equal by her also getting a tattoo with you unless you want to be some kind of throuple.
I would absolutely confront the friend and cut him off. There's no way he didn't think this mattered.
You know your wife best, so I can't judge if maybe she's stupid, but this tattoo is a forever declaration of sidelining you.
I would assume that this is her asking for a divorce. I can't even think of more intimate declaration of commitment to someone. What is she going to do next weekend, sign a mortgage with him?
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u/mirageofstars 2d ago
Yeah that’s not cool. How have you not unloaded on your friend for going on dates with and then getting a matching couples’ tattoo with your wife? You’re not overreacting. I promise you your wife would be threatening divorce if you went out for meals with another woman and got a couple’s tattoo with that woman.
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u/RunningLifting321 2d ago
Yeah, that friend needs a good reminder who’s who. I’d have a conversation with him… As for the wife, not sure, but it would be pretty difficult not to assume she’s sleeping with him and just leave her.
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u/Beneficial-Door-3252 2d ago
Is she having a manic episode or something? Sometimes people are super impulsive and get tattoos
This is too intimate tho, imo. You're not "policing" her tattoos, you're sharing a concern about the nature of their relationship. People don't get tattoos together unless they're very close. Men & women can certainly be platonic & close but this seems too new to be this attached & not have romantic feels. I could be wrong but that's just how I see it.
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u/rpgnoob17 2d ago
The problem is that it is not a random “matching” Pokémon tattoo. It’s a His and Hers tattoo.
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u/No_Thanks_1766 2d ago
You’re not overreacting. Getting a matching tattoo with someone who is not your spouse or other family member without discussing it with your spouse is weird.
Also, I get not policing each other’s tattoos and appearance decisions but you should have some boundaries in place. Such as not getting matching tattoos with another person without discussing it first. I’d also have some boundaries in place about tattoos and locations (ie I don’t want to look at a tattoo of his mother’s face while I’m fucking my husband).
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u/OverallVermicelli700 2d ago
It’s not the same thing. Getting a matching tattoo is completely different than telling people what they can do with their body. You’d have been fine with a Pikachu tattoo alone, but a matching tattoo with your male friend is suspicious.
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u/Tricky-Cantaloupe-66 2d ago
Saying it's different is not overreacting. It seems like what upsets you is that your wife bonded over something with another man that you wish she would have bonded over with you. She knew you are a tattoo person and you probably wish you could have been a part of it. If that's the case tell to her and make clear that the issue wasn't the tattoo itself. If she responds rationally and you trust your wife and your friend then there's no need to make a bigger deal out of it though.
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u/niki2184 2d ago
What person wouldn’t be upset that their partner got a matching tattoo with the opposite sex instead of with their partner. I know I would be upset if my guy got a matching tattoo with my friend that was now his bestie and is a girl. Probably if it was a guy friend to and then said they didn’t want any more instead of getting one with me!
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u/funky_jim 2d ago
That is kind of upsetting to me, too. We both have several but nothing like matching ink with another person.
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u/friendly-sam 2d ago
Just get a tattoo of an ex girlfriend, and let her stew about it.
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u/RaccoonPrestigious81 2d ago
Question:
Have you asked your friend why he got a matching tattoo with your wife? I wouldn't be happy with her either, but that guy is supposedly your friend - I'd be pissed at him.
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u/thelotionisinthebskt 2d ago
OP, this is not about policing a tattoo. this is about a boundary being crossed that you frankly shouldn't have had to openly establish.
Your anti-tattoo wife went to brunch with your male friend and got an impromptu matching tattoo with him. That is hurtful AF. She didn't think of asking you if you wanted to get tatted together, knowing you love tats? She went with the friend who doesn't have tats and got a his and hers permanent mark on her body? Come on, OP. You're hurt bc your spidey senses are tingling.
Even if she isn't physically cheating, you're approaching potential emotional cheating territory. Now you can look at her tattoo she got with your male friend as you two share intimate moments together. Foh. Hard no. Time to have a real and raw conversation with both of them about this.
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u/LostNose2048 2d ago
I had to come back, this by far is some weird shit for real. It’s not about the tattoo, it’s about sharing a tattoo with another man without even discussing it with you. I’m sure she knew what your response would have been and how uncomfortable you would feel if she brought this up before she got the tattoo. Also why is she going out with your friend alone, that’s the weird shit to me. My husband’s friends would never! No you’re not overreacting, you’re very much under reacting to me.
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u/lady3brd 2d ago
I don’t know. There’s a lot of missing information. You say that if you wanted her to get one with you it wouldn’t fly because your styles are different and she would criticize your opinion. I can see a scenario where she bonded with your friend, saw an opportunity to have some fun and have something in common with them. It doesn’t necessarily mean more than that. Are you both very opinionated? Sometimes it’s exhausting to have to defend yourself and taste all the time against your partner. You seem jealous. Why are you saying this person is YOUR friend and not hers? This also seems like another form of gate keeping. Maybe your reaction is NOR but instead a sign to you that there’s something worth working on in your relationship together - not because she shouldn’t have done it or asked your permission, but because it’s bringing up some sort of insecurity for you.
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u/dgafiction 2d ago
Honestly, team rocket sees extremely little romance and are regarded as partners-in-crime, not lovers for most of the show. Since they watched it as kids, they probably know that. I also feel like it's weird that this friend is not regarded as her friend even though he clearly is? He sounds like a friend to both of them?
I would definitely do some snooping to find the truth but the fact that everyone is saying she's cheating is alarming. And friends can get tiny tattoos just for fun.
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u/PM_ME_Happy_Thinks 2d ago
OP even says in another comment that he's probably more her friend than his now. But he's still pretty dismissive of what has clearly become a close friendship. Doesn't mean they're banging.
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u/YuansMoon 2d ago edited 2d ago
Phew. I thought this was going to be about Pokemon tattoos and not that she's having sex with your friend.